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It sounds like fiction but it really happened- Need some input. please

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by quiteConfused, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. quiteConfused

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    Firstly, this is the only time I have ever posted a personal issue that I cant seem to reconcile in my head, and when I google the specific details I get nothing relevant. So here is an exact account of an odd encounter with my best friend (who is 15 yrs younger than me) this past week.

    Lets call him Chris, and we have been friends for 5 years or so and share many common interests. He is thin athletic and quite attractive in my opinion. We spent weeks walking long distance trails together and have gotten overserved more than once when we visit each other over the years. Its important to note that we have NEVER discussed sex or indicated any physical attraction to each other, only experiences with women, and he is as straight as they come, in my questioning opinion (I like women but have not been active for months). His last girl friend what a sweet blond, but Chris was always exerting the "he is in charge" energy when I was with them together, then predictably they broke up last spring. when they were together he seemed to want to dominate her, be in charge. Now, he has never tried to be dominent in our interactions, defering usually to what I feel like, dinner, where to hike, etc. Hes opinionated, but will never engage me in a serious logical debate. We are best friends who enjoy each others company, especially in the party and outdoor arenas. But on to the real thought provoking events for me....mind you he has no reason to believe i am nothing but totally straight.

    He was here visiting me last week and as usual we were drinking and having a good time; late nights and lots of beer. On the second night I must have been loose enought to say "..well let me suck you off" or something similiar. To my astonishment he got naked got in my bed and let me give him oral sex. when he was done all was good, and we're laying there talking about nothing important when he says that he want me to "put it in" and got on his knees with his face in the pillow. Needless to say I was over the limit of erectability and said I couldnt. So the next night the situation repeated itself, but he was more enebriated than I and asked me to "put it in" which i did, and had a great time. then he napped and an hour later askedme to do it again. I obliged of course. He wanted to top me but I said no way, but would be happy to give him a bj.
    During this second night of sex he was very into having a penis in him (and im SURE he has never has this before, matter of fact all of this was NEW to him). He didnt wince at all when penetrated and took it in a pleasurable way.
    Now, my question is simply, yet complex. He is a staunchly straight guy much younger than i but he enjoyed receiving anal sex from me (im extremely masculine btw) on two occasions, and allowed me to orally please him to climax three times. Im banging my head on the wall wondering wtf this is about. I get that he would want me to suck him off, anything to get him off, guy or girl, I can accept that, but.... why would he let me penetrate him and like it and tell me to cum... he was definitely trying to please me.
    One other thing, we talked and joked about all of the sex the days after it happened so its not a just drunk phenomemon.

    This scenario is about as close to real as I can write. Is there anyone who can offer any thought on what may be going on here?? he is out of town and will be passing back through in a couple of weeks at which point I expect this to continue. Why would a straight guy want to receive anal from another man??
    Any thoughts would be appreciated. thx for reading.
     
  2. Hana Solo

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    Honestly- I would say he isn't completely straight. Can't say more than that so sorry if its not helpful.
     
  3. Filip

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    Well, let me start off by simply citing biology: straight guys and gay guys are wired the same way. If (some) gay guys enjoy anal sex, it isn't because they have nerves there that other guys don't have.
    So why would a straight guy enjoy it? for the same reason a gay guy would: you're poking an erogenous zone, and if you're doing it right, that is a pretty enjoyable experience indeed.

    That said, far be it from me to decide on other people's sexuality for them, but I'm not entirely buying your friend has never done this before and was just so horny he didn't care whether it was with a guy or a girl.
    I can buy he's never done this with a real-life guy before. I can even buy that the first time was genuinely a "screw this, I'm horny, let's suck each other off". It's rare, but not entirely inconceivable that it happens between straight friends on a drunk evening.

    But then coming back multiple times and even planning out "what shall we do next?". Or the rapid moving on to anal sex? The unapologetic joking afterwards? That suggests he has some inkling of what he's doing and knows what he wants with a guy in the bedchamber.
    Which, in turn, suggests he has, at the very least least, spent some time thinking about it or done some exploring (even if only by himself).
    Might be that he wasn't planning this. that he just was attracted to you, and never planning on acting on it until you gave him an opportunity. But it's slightly too much initiative for anyone who's 100% staunchly straight.

    Being "staunhly straight" doesn't really mean anything here anyway. I was "staunchly, end even slightly homophobically, straight" to other people for 25 years myself, for that matter. That doesn't mean that I didn't spend a great deal of time in sexual confusion while I was by myself.



    But... what he is exactly isn't the ultimate question here, I'd say. How he self-defines is his own decision. Labels are just labels, and trumped utterly by the complexity of real life. If he wants to be a "staunchly straight guy who totally enjoys gay sex", then that's his decision. He's old enough to decide what he wants to be called (well, you don't mention ages, but that seems the most likely here. If I'm dramatically misreading and he's underage then replace this entire post with "Back out, now! and don't look back!"). Labels aside, where you are now is basically that you're two guys who enjoy sex together.

    So the main question here is how you feel about it and whether or not you want this to continue. If you feel like the current arrangement works, then I'm thinking you're perfectly free to continue when he comes back.
    If you feel like you want more, then you'd probably best start making sure whether it could ever mean more to him. And if you feel like this is all too much and want to be platonic friends once more, then you should let him know that as well.

    (though, as always, the normal precautions apply: safer sex is preferable, and I'd seriously advice being "the guy on the side" if he ends up with a girlfriend).
     
  4. quiteConfused

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    Thanks Filip, you make some very good points, many of which I had not considered. My intial post was long and I may have glossed over the essence of my issue which is: He allowed me to give him oral sex, but would not reciprocate on me- yet wanted me to do anal on him (i didnt want to receive). Both seem equally gay, or maybe him wanting anal sex seems a little gayer. I think his lack of interest in penis, and that he wanted anal sex may just indicate a straight guy who likes ass play. But, the other varialbe is that he did not masturbate or 'get off', appearing instead to be for my benefit; tho in reality unlikely. To clarify, Chris is in his mid 20's.
     
  5. insidehappy

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    basically watch broke back mountain and you'll have your answer.

    the guy is not 100% straight. no one really is 100% straight or 100% gay. if so, not that many people. we tend to try and focus on where most of attractions and thoughts are. psasing thoughts for same sex are just that...passing for most people.

    he likes you.

    he likes having sex with you.
     
  6. Filip

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    Well, if there were some kind of objective "scale of gayness" of sex acts, this might make it easier. But truth be told, gay sex is just as varied as straight sex. There's gay guys who never feel tempted to even consider trying anal sex, and there's couples who are grossed out by oral sex.
    Plus, "getting off" is not the only indicator of enjoying sex. I'm quite reliably told that bottoming is enjoyable enough regardless of whether any finishing happens.

    Though I'm still goin to say that he apparently was the one pushing for more sex and trying some new things indicates that it wasn't just a case of "no girls around, so let's go for a quickie with a guy instead". In that case he probably would have gone for the one quickie and not kept coming back.

    In the final analysis, the only measure of how straight (or not) he is, is how much he prefers men or women (or maybe both equally. Let's not forget about bisexuality here). Which is really something only he can determine.
     
  7. quiteConfused

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    Well said Inside... I think you are right. It takes an outside perspective sometimes to gain clarity. Thanks!
     
  8. Chip

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    I'd go a step further... he may well be in the process of coming to terms with being gay. There are *lots* of people (including, likely, plenty here at EC) who played the "straight" game perfectly... going out with girls, saying all the right things... acting straight in every way. Some get married and have kids. But they're still gay.

    Now... it's quite possible he's bisexual, but it's also possible that he's coming to terms with liking men, and having sex with you is safe for him because he trusts you.

    The part about him not being willing to perform oral on you is essentially meaningless. Lots of guys, as they are processing and coming to terms with their own sexuality, set arbitrary "rules" about what is or is not gay behavior. And, believe it or not, having you top him might not be "gay" according to his rules, while sucking your dick might be "gay" and therefore beyond what he's ok with at this point.

    I think the best course of action is to proceed slowly, enjoy whatever the two of you mutually decide to do, and then see where it leads. My guess is that he'll eventually come around to being OK performing oral, and perhaps either acknowledging that he's bisexual, or coming 180 degrees around and acknowledge being gay.

    Keep us informed, and if the opportunity arises, you might point him here. (We can remove this thread if you decide to send him here and want us to do that.) After all, we do have "straight-but-curious" types here so he wouldn't have to feel that it's making a big step to post here.