I have this not-really friend at school, he's in the same drama class as me. We were getting prepared for our last rehearsal, and his behaviour was pretty gay, so everyone joked around, saying things like: 'I'm starting to doubt your sexuality' He just laughed and shrugged. Then later, we were walking through the hallway, just me and him, and he was being very gay again, so I asked him if he really was gay, and he shrugged and said 'could be'. But he gave me the feeling he doesn't really want to admit it yet, even to himself. The day after that, though, he went right back into the closet, half-denying it. He knows I'm bi, and he knows I've accepted that, but I think he doesn't believe he'll ever accept himself. How can I help him, and show him that everything will get better and that it's totally okay to be gay?
Just let him know that its ok. There are so many people out there like him that live very happy and great lifes. That when he accepts him self if he feels that he could be gay that life does get better.
Talk to him? It's nice to be able to know there's some you actually /know/ irl that is in the same predicament that you're in.
the best way to help people is just be their friend and if they want to talk about somethign they will. you can just let him know that if he wants to ever talk about anything you're cool with that. or you can not even say that and just be a his friend in general and if he wants to talk he will.
First, maybe saying a bit more about what you mean by "half denying" it might help. Did he out right say, "ignore what I said before" or "I'm not gay end of story" or something else. Depending on his reaction this might tell you whether pushing the issue with him will be productive or make matters worse. If you are not really close friends, trying to build up a relationship with him might be helpful. I doubt that straight guys say maybe when you ask them if they are gay (at least in the US). I don't think we have a culture of masculinity where they are confident enough to say as such. So I would agree that he is going back and forth about being ready to come out. I also really liked the idea of sending him the website for EC. It's really easy and simple and doesn't require that you say anything directly. Send him a message like, "Hey so-and-so! the other day when I asked you if you were gay, you said, 'could be'. This was a website I found really helpful when I was coming out. You can anonymously post and read about other stories. It's a really supportive environment. I won't expect you to email me back, but I am here if you want to."
(disclaimer: I tend to be really apologetic by nature) If I was in your shoes, I probably would go back to him in the next couple days, whenever I see him next. I'd prolly say something along the lines of "Hey, when we were talking about such and such the other day and you mentioned you might be bi... well uh, I'm sorry if I overstepped my boundaries. I mean, I know I wouldn't have wanted someone to ask me when I was questioning (if you actually are). So yeah, I'm sorry if that bothered you. All joking aside though, if you are thinking about any of that stuff and you want to just ask questions or vent or talk or well, anything, to someone who can relate, I'm all ears." But again, I'm apologetic by nature. And I personally wouldn't have wanted to be asked my sexuality when I was questioning. You may think different from my opinion.
