Ok, so tonight around midnight I got a text from a really cute guy who was just saying hi. Now we have been talking a lot lately, but I just thought he was being friendly. But it turns out he is Bi, and he is interested in me, which is good because I am interested in him too. Buuuuuuut, there are a few problems. First, he is older then I am. Actually, he is 20 years old and I am 16. And I don't know if that is weird or not, plus neither of us are out to our parents and I don't know if my parents would approve of an older guy. The second problem is that I have never done anything with a guy before. Flirting, talking, relationship, sex, etc. So I don't know how fast to go, what to say or do, or just how it all works. Now he knows this, and said we will only do what makes me feel comfortable, which is sweet of him, but i don't want to make it too slow and boring. So could you guys really help with these things, I would really appreciate it. :help:
Missouri statutory rape and child molestation law: Under current law in Missouri, he would not be committing statutory rape if the two of you had sex, because he is under 21. If his birthday is sooner than yours, and you have sex in between them, then he would be committing statutory rape, because then he would be over 21 and you would still be under 17. If he has sexual contact with you at all before you are 17 he could potentially be charged with 2nd degree child molestation, which is apparently a misdemeanor. I don't know if he would have to be a registered sex offender thereafter. An age difference of 4 years is not that much in itself. If you were 18 and 23 this would be a no-brainer. The problem is that you are still a minor. Since he isn't pushing you to have sex, I don't really have a problem with it. I strongly recommend waiting until you are at least 17 before having any sexual contact, since that is the age of consent in Missouri. It's really better if their isn't any muddy water legally that could get him in trouble, especially if your parents might disapprove. Even if it's just the homosexuality that your parents don't approve of, they could use the child molestation law to punish him or to separate you. This could have very serious long-term consequences for the guy you're seeing. If you do start dating him, make sure that when you come out to your parents you are very clear that you knew you were gay significantly before getting involved with him. Otherwise, they might be prone to believing that he seduced you, and "turned you gay." Also, don't worry about being boring. You have every right to move at your own pace, and it doesn't sound like he's in a big hurry.
Thanks. And I don't plan on having sex for a while, preferably not before I am 18. But the age difference has been bugging me all night, since I have a brother 1 year older then him and it just feels weird, like I need to be dating someone my age. But he is really nice and sweet and I get along with him really well. I just don't know what to do.
Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. You can also tell him that you are concerned about the age difference, and you like him, but you think it would be best if you stayed friends, at least for now. Maybe just get to know him better as a friend to begin with.
4 years is a pretty big difference at your age, but a lot depends on the relative maturity levels of the two of you. It sounds like you're being thoughtful about this, and that's a good plan. I would suggest that you spend time getting to know one another and hanging out and really understanding one another before going forward with anything physical. After you've spent a few days getting to know one another I'd suggest going slowly, both for your benefit and for his, because the problem is that when the hormones and horniness kick in, it can be hard to put the brakes on, and especially when he's closeted and you're both inexperienced, one or the other of you might end up feeling like things moved too quickly if you don't.
