Being strung along? or?

So, I've had this on again off again friendship with this girl, let's call her J. J and I met at work and became friendly right off the bat.

We were friends for about a year, I never told her I was gay.... but it's one of those things I know most people just kind of assume about me. As friends naturally we talked about her past relationships (which included many hookups with men from work). I always knew I was attracted to her, but I kind of just chalked it up as part of her personality that everyone kind of likes her.

So last new years eve she rammed her tongue down my throat at midnight after making all these sly comments about needing someone to kiss at the party. Naturally, this really sparks my interest more than just an attraction I was trying to hide because I really did enjoy being her friend. However, how can I ignore a kiss like that?

So I got moved to a different shift at work, and we didn't talk as much. I was seeing another girl (kind of) during this time, and even though I thought of her often, it was obvious at the time that it was just a drunken 'i wanna kiss someone at new years' kiss. So I don't discourage us drifting apart at the time, because it was important for me to keep it as a friendship.

So when I got moved back to her shift, under the suggestion from a super open gay friend I asked her out. She gave me this 'I'll think about it' response. I figured our friendship was pretty much spread out by this time (it was around feb or march). Then one day after work she came over to my place, we had some drinks and she kisses me again. Then she looks at me and says "that's where I stand". So we made out like horny teenagers, then fell asleep drunk (I had a weird roomate at the time, so we were outside infront of my house making out). Naturally within the next month I get the "I was drunk and I shouldn't have done that, I'm not gay" Crushed I tell her I understand and that we could still be friends since that's what she wanted.

So about two months ago, after watching her bounce around from guy to guy who can't treat her right I asked her to meet me in town. I told her that I can't keep being just her friend like this, and that it's hurting me too much, and that I need a little space so that maybe I can stop thinking about her the way I do. She starts crying and she leaves. I felt like crap, but I also felt free, like maybe I can move on finally.

So things were awkward for two months until we were both at a mutual friend's party. I went outside to smoke and she came out and told me she missed me, gave me a hug, pushed the hair out of my face, and told me "I love you more than you know". So I almost shut down, and to avoid letting her kiss me I return the hug.

We've hung out a few times since, but we never talk about what happened. I'm right back where I was listening to her talk about her boyfriend, then she'll flirt with me... and I'm stuck thinking about her more than I should.

I don't know if she's just literally confused about how she feels, or if she thinks by leading me on every once in a while it will keep me as her friend and in each other's lives. Maybe a bit of both? What do I do?! Any suggestions?

(sorry for the novel, thought back story was needed)

 

she always ends up with guys that are with her just for the physical relationship, and when they're done with her they move on... she doesn't really have any other female friends that she's close with.

I keep going back and forth, it's driving me crazy.... and not in the good way

I know I should just approach her about it again, but I don't want to keep being the one to bring it up. I've said to myself that next time she gets too flirty that I need to just tell her how it is... but I also feel like she should know.

arggggg!