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think I might like girls?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ekzozo, Dec 25, 2011.

  1. ekzozo

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    hey, so just writing this to get some feedback

    I'm 20 and I think I just realized I like girls. It seemed to come about rather suddenly, as if I just woke up one day and was like "oh hey" but now I've been thinking about it and I think I may have just subconscously denied it. Anyway, once the thought came into my head and I thought about it honestly it really made a lot of things about myself clearer and it actually has seemed to boost my confidence immediately for some reason. The only thing is that I just don't know for sure because I feel like I need to kiss a girl or something to be sure. I've never felt any sort of "spark" or whatever kissing a boy and I've only had a crush on a guy once a long time ago. There is one girl who I knew I had a major crush on but I just didn't really think it was sexual Or anything. But since this realization came about I have deduced that I've actually had at least 5 crushes on other girls the youngest being when I was in grade 3. At the time of those crushes I honestly never thought I was a lesbian so I just I don't even know I guess I thought I just wanted to be friends with them, I see now that I was attracted to them. I have no idea how to go about kissing a girl in the near future and I think I would actually need to has some sort of real feelings for them so I'm not going to try and rush it but is it possible to still know that I like girls without having that encounter yet? I'm not sure if I should wait till them to be sure to come out to my close friends or if it's reasonable to do it now/soon because I actually really want to tell them, I have no worries about that at all. That's something else that's confusing me like I honestly am totally okay wig liking girls I didn't Ben have the "no I want to be normal!" moment I am just caught off guard a bit and want to know for sure (although in my mind I have completely accepted it already). Is that weird? To just immediately be totally okay with it? For some reason I fear that I am tricking myself into thinking I like girls because I want to like girls, but that just seems totally strange haha and not something I think anyone would do...perhaps I'm thinking too much I am known for doing that on occasion. Since this realization came about though I have been constantly looking at pictures of Alice Glass and just wishing I could make out with her which absolutely something I have ever done with a dude celebrity whathaveyou. does this sound like I legitimately like girls? because I'm hoping that I do, it has given me a sense of peace that I didn't even know was missing. I'm not incredibly concerned with putting a label on it I just can't stop thinking about the whole situation and reading peoples posts on here but none were quite like my situation so I decided to post myself.

    Would appreciate some feedback! Also, sorry for the sort of run on ramble, this is basically my thought written down.

    Thanks guys! :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 25th Dec 2011 at 10:25 PM ----------

    Just read through this and noticed a bunch of stupid spelling errors, I apologize I'm writing this on an iPod lol
     
  2. MadSeed

    MadSeed Guest

    Welcome to EC :slight_smile:

    I think many people here are in a similar situation. Or maybe it's just my impression because I was/am. I didn't seriously suspect I might be gay until I was 19 (because when I was in primary school I'd read in some book that it's - sorry for that word - "normal" for a girl to "adore" other women and you grow out of it; then I realized I just didn't...). And I always wondered why I seemed to like my female friends much more than they liked me.

    I was immediately OK with it, too. I mean, I'd always been very gay-friendly and now my life is going to be more interesting than I thought.

    I've been practically out to everybody important for about 2.5 years and I have never done anything sexual with anybody (I guess that's sad :eusa_doh:slight_smile:. The point is that, in my personal opinion, you don't have to kiss a girl to be sure, if you already know you'd like that.

    I'm sorry that I've written mostly about myself - I try not to give advice since I'm no expert. And I hope my grammar isn't too weird.
     
  3. Frustrated

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    Hi, ekzozo! You know, I am 42 years old and I am having all the exact same questions that you have and I am really struggling to find all the answers. Do you like girls? Of course, you do, you know that! That is really not in question for us, is it? What I think we're struggling with is not having definitive proof that we are gay. To help me I'm going to make a list of why I think I am gay and why I think I'm not gay and bring it to my next therapy session. I'm including the why I don't think I'm gay thoughts because I think by writing them down I will see how unfounded and irrational some of my thinking is. I know I'm gay but am still fighting it.

    In response to some of your questions:
    (1) I agree that you do not have to be with another girl to "prove" that you like girls. I am married so am not in a position to "explore" my sexuality with another woman...and not being able to get hard evidence to confirm my sexuality kills me. So here's what I tell myself, "If straight people are allowed to know their sexuality before having sex, then why can't gay people have the same right? If it is perfectly acceptable for straight people to just 'know' that they are heterosexual before becoming sexually active, then why can't a gay person also 'know' with conviction their sexual orientation?"

    (2) I, too, have felt much relief from admitting to myself that I might be gay. For me, it explains much about my life and is an identity that just feels right to me. I mean, even though I still doubt myself, I actually want to be gay and am afraid of having that taken away from me (that comes in part from what I know will be my husband's reaction: that I'm not gay but just have some problem with sex). When I think about my feelings towards women, I not only think of sex but of falling in love with a wonderful woman and spending my life with her, so of course I find much comfort in the thought of being gay!

    Still, I do have fears that I'm just some crazy bitch who is making all this up to justify my avoiding sex with men like it were the freakin' plague. But wait, that is the crazy thought! I genuinely do not want sex with men and never will and my attraction to women is real. I am not making this shit up, I am gay!!!

    ---------- Post added 26th Dec 2011 at 10:34 AM ----------

    I"m sorry, let make that clearer....

    I am NOT making this shit up! My attraction to women is genuine, real, not some bullshit curiosity but what I really want and have always wanted but denied and did not understand about myself. I am gay, bitches!

    ---------- Post added 26th Dec 2011 at 10:48 AM ----------

    Oops, I hope I didn't offend anyone by writing "bullshit curiosity". I have really been so impressed with this website and do not want to sound intolerant. So if I stumbled I really do apologize...I still have much to learn about being accepting.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    Hey welcome to EC, I think it definitely sounds like you like girls. I had a moment a bit like yours but not until I was 26 so dont worry, its not as uncommon as you might think.

    Its great that you have already accepted it yourself, that is a big step as for what you do next its entirely up to you, there is no set script that you have to follow, everyone does it differently. I told some of my closest friends because I felt that I needed to tell someone and then I joined EC which answered a lot of my questions and helped me feel more comfortable with everything that was happening and what I had to do.

    So I would say you are going well so far.
     
  5. Hana Solo

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    That's like me! This year, I just suddenly realised and it made life so much easier. I originally accepted myself without much problem, but now I'm being assailed by doubts due to the fact that I'm Christian and grew up in a Christian household... but that's another story. But it sounds to me that you do like girls, and I know that I don't need to 'experiment' to know. Because straight people don't. Why should we?
     
  6. Ianthe

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    Yes, it definitely sounds like you like girls. It also sounds like you are not interested in guys at all, which is another question you might have.

    It is totally possible to know that you like girls without ever kissing one or having any kind of encounter. Liking someone should always come before anything else anyway. First you are attracted, then you kiss. Not the other way. Doing it the other way would be backwards. (Kissing someone you don't already want to kiss=ick!) And the attraction is enough to determine your sexual orientation--in fact, we generally define sexual orientation by attraction, regardless of who you are actually having experience

    Despite being 32, I've never dated at all, men or women. But I am VERY SURE, at this point, that I am a lesbian. Really.

    Anyway. It sounds like you know. You just want someone else to say it, so I will: you're gay.

    Welcome to Empty Closets, you are in the right place! Stick around. Everyone is very friendly.
     
  7. Mlpguy88

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    You should be happy, look who you get to date now. Honestly looking at men and women, women are better looking. With the way we are built, I mean it's all a little gross, but at least with women everything is a bit more organized, everything is inside and somewhat balanced. With guys it looks like god started to make something for us, but then the phone rang and he just never got back to it. I'm a gay guy and even I can see that.
    But happy with yourself, and if you are still questioning, don't feel rushed to label yourself either, take all the time you need and you will eventually find the answer.
    -I wish you the best.
     
  8. andersonh09

    andersonh09 Guest

    It sounds like you like girls, but whether or not your still questioning, there's no sense in rushing things. You'll figure things out eventually, even if it takes some time, you don't need to a hurry to put a label on yourself. And you are totally right about not having to be with girl before you know for sure. There's nothing to prove, straight people don't have to be with someone of the opposite gender before they know what they like. It's also great that you are so accepting of it.

    Good luck with everything!