Hi, I'm fourteen, I think I'm a lesbian, and I moved to a small town a few months ago. I have a boyfriend that I want to break up with but still be friends. People here aren't really accepting of LGBT people. I want to come out to him, but I have no idea where or when. We have all but the last two classes of the day together, and I really don't know what to do. Any tips? My family is mostly accepting except my mom's side, who live really near by. How can I come out and avoid being bullied?
Hi, Igkitkat! You said that your family is "mostly accepting". Does this mean that you have already told them that you are questioning your sexuality? If so, I would first recommend asking your family for advice if you already feel that they are there to support you. If not, or perhaps in addition to your family, I would speak to your school counselor. Schools are now more sensitive to bullying and you have a legal right not to take abuse at school. Your school's administrators are responsible for providing you a safe learning environment. How does your boyfriend feel about homosexuality? That is my concern in letting him know about your situation. If he is not cool I would caution you against letting him know that you are questioning your sexuality. Can you throw out some feelers first? I'm just a little worried about you doing this alone without having a solid support system in place.
How accepting is your immediate family, especially your parents? This is an essential piece of the puzzle, while you are still living with them. Are you ready to come out to them? Coming out to anyone always involves some risk of it being totally exposed. What are the possible consequences of that in your family? Regarding school bullying, you can possibly avoid it to some extent, but there is only so much you can do. One thing is, people are less likely to bother you about it if it's clear that you are not ashamed of it. Predators prey on anything they perceive as weakness.
The above posters are absolutely right... You should think about how your loved ones will react and then decide whether you want to tell them yet. You're only 14, so you have lots of time to come out. There's no need to do it now if you're not ready yet. Do you think there's a chance that if you tell your boyfriend, then in the heat of the break-up he might spread the news at school? If you think you're in danger of being tormented, then it's completely okay to not come out now. Although if you feel you want to break up with him, by all means, do so. Just tell him it's because although he's a great guy, you realize now that he's not what you're looking for, and you need to experience other relationships, or whatever you can think of... Just be HONEST, while leaving out the bit about your sexuality. That's totally ok. You can take coming out at your own pace. And remember you always have us to turn to for advice and moral support. If you have any other concerns or would like to chat about what you should do, don't hesitate to shoot me a message! I'd be glad to help in whatever way I can. Hang in there -- it'll work out eventually.
