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Holiday weirdness

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gravity, Dec 27, 2011.

  1. Gravity

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    A couple random questions that have been floating around in my head today, so I figured I'd see what you all thought.

    I've been home for the holidays (cue cheesy tv special music) for about a week now, and I've noticed that whenever I'm back home I feel more urgency to date than when I'm at my current home. I currently live in a major city, but when I'm back where I'm from I'm basically in the middle of nowhere. I actually like it here, but it presents (perhaps) obvious issues to gay people - not a lot of friendliness for me in small-town America, here. Wondering if this has something to do with me wanting to date and feel, for lack of a better term, "more gay"? The flip side to this is that, maybe because I feel more comfortable here than in big cities, I actually tend to have more luck dating when I'm home - despite the awkwardness of hanging my hat at my parents' house at the time, I always seem to make better "connections" and meet people I'm more interested in while I'm at home. Any of this happen to you all? Any thoughts?

    The second thing on my mind is that, once again, I've met a great guy while home - cute, many similar interests, some different ones, similar goals in life, etc. Thing is, this time he's actually hesitant to spend a lot of time together because he's looking for a relationship and not just a quick, if genuinely, good time. The irony, of course, is that so am I, so this only makes me more interested in him. I really don't want to pressure him into something he's not comfortable with (something I've been very up front and verbal about), and I don't think I have at all, but he's kind of got this "I want to, but maybe it's not a good idea..." vibe about him. Not sure what to ask about this, but if anyone has any thoughts here, feel free to air them.

    Who would have thought I would be contemplating (more day-dreamily than seriously) moving back to this place because there are actually MORE guys to date here... :lol:
     
  2. MommaFrog

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    I think you should live where ever you are happiest.

    As far as the potential relationship goes, perhaps you should tell him you WANT a relationship, and explain that you want what he wants...

    That's about all I got, wish I could be more helpful...
     
  3. Gravity

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    Thanks for the reply. I think the relationship deal is fizzling out appropriately, which is fine - long-distance is, well, long-distance after all and a bummer of a way to start. Still not what I would have wanted though.

    Still confused as to why I keep wanted to date or even hook up while I'm back home though. Starting to get seriously weirded out by it and wondering if it's significant somehow.

    I would just live wherever I was happiest, but the job makes that hard to do. One of the many reasons I'm thinking of tossing it out the window soon...
     
  4. Chandra

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    Could it be a bit of the "big fish, small pond" syndrome? Big cities have a tendency to be quite anonymous and can make you feel insignificant. Although they may theoretically have a larger dating pool, people tend to be a lot more picky because there's more choice. Whereas in your small hometown you might feel like the hottest gay dude on the block, and that sense of confidence attracts people to you? Just a thought.
     
  5. Gravity

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    Hmm. Possibly. Now that you say it, removing the pressure of a big city might have something to do with this - I'm far less suspicious, for lack of a better term, of small-town guys, and I feel a lot more in my element.

    On a side note, just finished having a five-hour (!) phone conversation with the aforementioned guy - so thanks for the advice MommaFrog. :grin: What a great guy! Too bad he lives 2000 miles away from me. :bang: I'm still kind of giddy though.