You know what absolutely drives me mad? Not the whole "it's official, I like dudes too" thing, I think I was more shocked when my first GF dumped me out of the blue (she was right.) THAT was painful. This is merely... Strange. What really drives me barking mad is that after living on my own for the most part of my life (I lived alone pretty much since I was 16) circumstances conspired so that for quite a long while I'd have to live in my parent's kitchen. No way around it for now, but this is REALLY messing everybody's nerves up. I feel like I'm in a fish-bowl, no privacy whatsoever, anyone can walk on me at any time, and I periodically snap, and then for a while everyone is, well, feeling very sorry. My mom especially, we were always very close, but now... I don't know... he tries to genuinely be helpful, but somehow always chooses the worst possible moment for it. It's slowly killing us both bit by bit and I'm absolutely at loss as to what to do. Or rather I'm not.. Bide my time, wait for an eventual opportunity to move out, and go on with my life my way, but... I'm really afraid I'll completely alienate her by then... And, although she's definitely no moral crusader type, I know she's extremely negative towards gays. If I accidentally out myself by, say, forgetting to clean up this browser session, I'm sure she'd have a heart attack or something. Ok, back to trying to make it all work somehow... :bang:
Try to take it easy. Of course it's a frustrating thing to see your life take a turn downwards, but as you said, it's a temporary setback. Your sexuality is not the fundamental reason of your frustration, so try not making it that. I mean (and I'm kinda stumping around in the dark here) in your current situation you would be feeling bad no matter what your sexuality were. If you convince yourself that the problem is you are gay, you might start seeing it as out of your hands and expect your parents to change.. and that wouldn't change other things that frustrate you. And by the way, just use private browsing in your browser; it's simpler
Of course, my sexuality is a tiny part of it, icing on the cake, so to speak. Part of it is probably my discomfort with the stepfather. Yes, my mom is totally in love with him, I'm happy for her, and he's actually good for her and I actually respect him, but I barely know the guy, So mom, honey, why are you tweeting MY secrets to him at the first opportunity you get, even though you know it's not OK for me? Yea, you can't help, it's natural to think of us all as a big happy family... And another part of it that it's, well, kitchen. And It's on the way to the loo. I can't simply lock out everyone without being a complete jerk. "Don't be too proud of this technological aid you've constructed. The ability to destroy a browser history is insignificant next to the power of the Murphy." I fooled around with computers in some way since I was 8, I received some training in keeping sensitive data from leaking, and yea, I saw people, competent people, slip up and do damage to themselves, their jobs and everything else. I know it can happen to me too, although I of course try my best to keep things clean. It's just that benefits far outweigh the risk for me now. Private browsing just automates a single tiny aspect of the whole "not revealing more than you want to by accident while being online" thing.
... And now this is getting ridiculous. She's treating me like I'm an effing twelve-year old again. No, seriously, she threatened to ground me. For a mere suggestion that I may spend an evening away from home. I assured her it's not a date, there'd be no alcohol or any political talk, or anything dangerous, all perfectly true, by the way, just a meet-up and talk. No way. Her beloved little boy HAS TO live in strict work-kitchen-sleep-work hamster ball to keep her happy. She said several very insulting things to me. Why, WHY all this shit is happening to me? I don't want to upset her, but I don't want her to run my life either, and that's what she increasingly seems to do. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm absolutely at a loss. I'm 31 years old, such things aren't even SUPPOSED to be dicussed, I'm not even SUPPOSED to live in her kitchen. Damn it all. I guessit's better than the alternative I was facing, but it's so frustrating I just can't help myself.
I dont really know what your situation is but don't you have a friend you can room with? Either way if are old enough she can't really force you to do whatever she wants, you are grown up now and there's nothing she can do to stop you Unless you dont have a car, that could be a problem
That's part of the problem. It all started 2 years ago, when I was diagnosed with some potentially disfiguring and extremely painful condition... I was out of work, and had to come up with a large sum of money. Yes, doctor saved me, and yes, family was of great help. but no driving licence for me for now. It was also rational move to move in with my parents, I was in no shape to earn rent, but no, there are no close friends who are here. I feel like a total piece of shit. My career plans are ruined, my family relations are, well, see above, there's no one to talk to who isn't just an internet handle. People here can't even pronounce my name properly (thanks to triple-transliteration it's not even SPELLED properly on any ID I own.) At work I'm "that taciturn guy with a funny accent, good for warehouse work, but not too good to not to make redundant when new management needs some layoffs to show their efficiency." I'm just so... lonely. And my mom's care doesn't help. It only makes me feel worse.
Just had had another talk with my mom... It started really well, loving and reasonable and somehow ended in a shouting match then in a "WHATEVER YOU SAY I'M NOT CHANGING MY OPINION! Ok, then I do. you won, I'm not going anywhere." then in very grudging apologies and permissions to go "whereever I [deleted] want" and my even more grudging promise to think about not using that permission and my grudging apology. I don't know. I feel like I did the right thing for me, but it just doesn't feel I could explain myself to her at all. I just don't know how I can help my mom to be less... afraid of the world around her. I tried to do that, initially, but all it lead to was a shouting match about an insignificant meetup I'm not even sure I really want to go to, because it suddenly became such a huge issue.
I really feel for you. My mom is of the 'protective' kind and controlling too. At one point, it went so bad I didn't talk to her for 3 years. And I regretted it deeply because she loved me and I loved her. Whatever you say to her, don't forget that she behaves like that because she cares about you and she certainly loves you. Don't get mad at her because you're going to regret it. If you have a strategy to get back your independence, it's probably going to be more tolerable. (*hug*)
Thanks To be completely fair to her, she isn't exactly controlling usually, more like... Very pessimistic and obsessed over things that might go wrong. I have a touch of the same attitude myself, and don't consider it a bad thing per se, it's just that in this particular instance I handled the situation badly because I had been used to complete freedom to go whreever and whenever I please. And yea, I went to the meet-up in question after all, everything went absolutely perfectly, and I think she wouldn't have as much of an issue with this later, as long as I would fullfill some of my promises to her. Which all are good ideas anyway, so no problem here either.
