Hi everyone, hope you're all doing well. this is a bit of a rant but I'll begin with a disclosure: I realize people's lives can and are so much worse than what I live with sometimes. This rant is not meant to hurt those who have dealt with loss, depression, suicidal thoughts or anything along these lines of mental, emotional or psychological pain. This rant is simply me to get my frustrations out of why I'm angry with myself. So to be blunt and to the point, there have been several times in the past year where I've frankly been pissed with myself. 1. I can't seem to hold most jobs if I don't like them at least to some extent. I haven't held a customer service job for longer than a year since I quit McDicks because I find after a time, I wind up just loathing it. I don't want to go, I hate helping the whiny customers (please note when I'm in a store that has customer service people, I treat them with respect because I know how frustrating it can get. The only time I will be mad at them is if they honestly don't do a good job like making me wait for an hour for food and they still haven't taken my order yet), and the only good part is being with my co-workers because i like them but it isn't enough for me to keep said job. So I leave. 2. I'm never doing what I want to do because of my fear of my mother and fear of being broke. I'll admit it, I've lived a great life financially because I've been given a lot. People say I've stayed humble through it which I guess is through, I'm thankful for every gift, I get guilty if people want to give me money and it's like nooo you really shouldn't give me that much, it's way too much! But in turn it's caused me to kind of grown so accustomed to this life that leaving it to pursue something I truly want just makes me go EEK! I've said many times in the past on EC how much I want to act, how it's always on my mind, how I see the stars on the red carpet, think how much I'd love to be friends with them (not drool over them, really be friends, go to movies together, go out for a night on the town, have tea (JULIE ANDREWS I would die to do this with <3) etc) but instead I am still sitting here watching Entertainment Tonight, or Access Hollywood and being like why am I still here. The fact is I could just go do acting but I'd have to do it without assistance from my parents because while my Mother has said if I want to then do it, which is more than i expected, same time unlike with my other schooling, i have no real sign that she would actually help me financially to pursue it. Well ok I have a sign, and that sign is she said I would have to pay for it myself. So it just frustrates me that to finally go try and do what I love...I'd have to leave the life I've grown so use to. 3. I get very frustrated with some people but I can't say it because I'm more worried about the friendship or being judged than speaking the honest truth. This ranges from my friend who is homeless and constantly makes negative comments and I just want to shout at him "if you're unhappy then do something about it, writing these things on Facebook is not going to do ANYTHING" (though I suppose me writing this frustration doesn't do anything either :S). Or it can be three of my friends I care deeply about but won't defend me from this asshole who has treated me like shit for two years. They just tell me "I don't want to get involved" despite saying how they hate seeing him treat me that way, yet when he rips on one of them the other two fly to her rescue. It's like, that was one time that he went after her and you go after him. But he's gone after me millions of times and you do nothing. I don't care if it's an ongoing thing between me and him, you're my friends, you and I get along more than him and you, PLEASE JUST SAY SOMETHING! And then of course it's the asshole himself. I don't just tell him my thoughts because 1. doubt he'll listen, and 2. I don't want him going off and telling everyone else how I was an asshole. So yeah there's a lot of frustrations in my life, again they're probably nothing compared to what others go through but regardless they're still annoying as all hell. Comment if you wish Solutions, questions, statements of pith and merit. I'll accept them all.
You could start off acting by just auditioning for a few things, and, if you get your part, you'll be on your way. Start it off as a hobby, then slowly start getting more actively involved with it. As for a job, find something you love. Don't like working with people? Find a job that doesn't involve them. When the mean guy you mentioned gives you crap, just tell him to quit. Tell your friends how you feel about them not helping calmly. If you yell, they'll get angry too. Hope this helps some!
People always want to be better, to have more, to go forward. That's normal, that's what keeps us moving and gives us purpose in life. All the little things we like and that we call "fun" are sparks of change in our everyday routine and only because they are a change they are fun. Of course there are people who have it worse. It's unfortunate and it can make us sad, but the even sadder truth is that we can't live off "could be worse". I know there is an African child dying of thirst at this moment, while I just used a full tank of water to wash down my bodily water surplus from last night, and I now feel horrible for writing this, but unfortunately it doesn't make me happy that I have that water to throw away. What I am saying is.. no matter what you have or what your life is like, you always have the right to want it to be even better. 1. Start small. If acting is what you really like, try joining an amateur group, see what you think of it, give yourself an oportunity to try. Who knows, maybe you don't like it. Truthfully, you haven't said a word about the trill of being on stage, seeing the whole audience mirror the feelings you express, making people cry, laugh, making yourself be a king, a killer, a dancer, feeling the eye of a camera on you, being under the lights... you only mention having coffee with Julie So, give yourself an oportunity to try it before you say it's definitely for you. 2. Your parents have an image of what is good for you and they will stick to it as much as they can. They feel they have a better understanding of what awaits you and are therefore better suited to make your decisions than you are. And if they can use finances as a means of assuring that you follow the right way, they will. So, you shouldn't try to get them to keep giving you money. You should try getting them to change the image of what is right for you, and for that, you need to see it too. 3. As long as you are calm, as long as you have arguments and not just yell insanely, you can tell your friends anything. Maybe they won't like it, maybe you'll have a fight, but it will be a fight of settling, not of geting angry. Voice your frustrations, just don't make it in a way that frustrates others without getting the message across.
Just for Dalmatian, you're right, I did not further explain anything but the whole celeb feel and want. But no it's so much more than that, I've been performing since I was a kid and have never loved anymore more than that. When I was in Grade 4, some friends of mine were saying we should perform Backstreet's Back for the school talent show. As the days went on, more and more of the group kept dropping out, until the night of the show when the last guy dropped, leaving me alone at home to decide was I going to do it? I just sucked it up, and went to the show and performed my heart out, and you know something? The audience loved it. I stepped on that stage and gave myself to that audience with no fear, and I LOVED it. And I think they loved it because they saw it was what I loved. Three years later, I performed in a school lip sync contest (though wish it wasn't lip sync lol) and performed It's Gonna Be Me by NSYNC, once again alone. I memorized the moves from the video, I memorized the lyrics, and went on stage. I won third place out of twenty groups that performed, I won third place alone! And once again it was because I put myself out there and did something I loved. I auditioned for The Wizard of Oz in Grade 7 too and got the role of Scarecrow, one of the leads and had a blast. While in high school, sadly I never got a role because I guess maybe just Shakespeare and me don't do well together (the director ALWAYS did Shakespeare but I mean what else do you expect from an English teacher being a director), and yes for the first three years in university I only got minor roles, a Ensemble member in Princess Bride, Doctor in a spoof version of The Scottish Play (yes I believe in the curse ), and then a seller role in the play, I sold popcorn to the Queen lol in Looking Glass Land). But last year I landed the lead role in Once Upon a Mattress as Prince Dauntless, and while I'll admit I kinda got a little divaish due to my first lead in a long time, I still had a blast and this year I came back to earth but still had a good role. And despite the crappy director, I came back again because acting is something I love beyond words. I will deal with that director who treats me like shit, I will deal with people putting me down. But if I can't perform, it's honestly like I can't breathe. I know how corny that is, but that's my answer to the whole "i haven't said why"
Given the number of your posts here, I could have probably found out that you have extensive experience in acting already. I'm sorry for making assumptions, I was working things out of one post. And I worked them out wrong Unfortunately, when it comes to choosing career path, I can't help you there.. I was fortunate enough to be interested in a profession which offers more or less secure jobs and stable income. I don't know what it's like to fight against odds (well, not in this sense anyway). That would be better answered by someone in a similar situation. However, I do wish you to succeed.. it's a great thing to live off what you like.
