Well, first of all, I wanna wish everybody Happy holidays, hope you're having a blast during this season.:icon_wink My name is Alex, I'm 19 and I'm gay. I'm from Venezuela, and obviously my first language is spanish so I could have some mistakes writting this post, I apologize in advance for any spelling mistake. Ok, I have two things on my mind that I wanted to share with someone, and since I'm not out to anyone, I chose this website to see who can help me and make me understand what I'm feeling. The first thing that is driving me crazy is the fact that I just cannot accept who I am. I mean, I know I'm gay I'm 100% sure of it but I just can't accept it. There are some days where I feel ok with my sexuality and I even have that 'fuck what others think' thought, but the next day I feel like shit and extremely depressed and seeing everything from a negative point of view. I just wanted to know when is this going to end? I mean, sometimes I feel like I can do it and I have total control of my life and feelings, but sometimes is just too hard for me to feel comfortable with who I am, there are days where I hate myself and I even have suicidal thoughts. So, has this ever happened to you? I just don't know when this 'rollercoaster' is going to end, cause that's how I feel every single day. And, the other thing that I have been thinking these last few days is that every time I'm hanging out my friends or just talking with them about random things, I feel like I'm wasting my time. Let me explain. They all have problems, girlfriends, boyfriends, you know, love problems, and I don't have ANYTHING. I mean, I want to have the experiences that you should have when you are this age, that rush that comes with falling in love, the heartbreak, the pain, sex, even break-ups. I don't know if you understand me, but I just want to have a 'normal' lifestyle, not being alone all the time and watching my friends having lots of romances and just having fun you know? I haven't had any of that and when we're talking about those things I just have 0 experience and nothing to say about the things that I've done, since I haven't had a boyfriend or a relationship with a guy before. I have been in relationships with girls, but that didn't work out obviously. So, I don't know, maybe I'm just being stupid, but I feel like all of my friends are having fun in a love/sex way and having new experiences, and when they tell me what they did or want me to give them some advice, I feel like a complete loser, it reminds me that I haven't done any of this and I'm just a lonely gay boy. Well, that's it, that's exactly what's on my mind right now. Thank you so much for reading this, hope you can understand me, I really want to know what do you think of this or if you've felt like this in some point of your life.
Well for your first question. Coming to accept your self can take some time. It is really something that you have to understand your self. Understanding that it is not wrong and its is " normal" to be gay. Just that theres not as many of us. I dont know how it is where you live but where I live gays are very much accepted. So that could be a big are of why your not accepting your self. And to your second question. There is no reason that you should feel stupid or anything like that. You just havent found a guy to be with. Is there places where all the people there are GLBT? If so I would say go there. And I think that you should try to accept your self a little more before trying to find some one to be with. It is really are to be with some one when one of them doesnt accept them self. But never forget that it does get better and you will make it though it. Best of luck man.
I'm going to break this into two different parts. First, getting over your sexuality takes time and patience. What you need is exposure to the LGBT community. Find some LGBT novels to read. Go watch some gay-themed movies. Hang around EC and interact with the people here. I've seen people in your shoes come a very long way in a very short time by doing exactly what I just said. You need to find role models that are just like you, whether they're fictional or not. Secondly, if I were you, I wouldn't place much weight on all the relationships and sex and 'fun' your friends are allegedly having. We're young. A vast majority of the relationships people our age are having aren't going to work out. They'll end eventually and that means heartache. That means relationship baggage, which isn't always a good thing. The sex they're having is amateur. They're probably inexperienced. It's awkward. Billy or whoever is probably getting a toothy-knob-job and he thinks he's getting the best head on the east coast. Take anything they say with a huge grain of salt. You're not a loser for being single either. You just haven't found anyone yet at a young age and that isn't unusual. Don't worry about it, honestly. Right now, this isn't even something you should be thinking about though. You need to be secure in your own skin first. How can you love somebody else if you can't even love yourself?
Well thanks everyone! I'm so sorry for the late reply but I was really busy and I did some thinking along the way. I took in consideration everything you said, so thank you so so much!. I have many things to say about what's going on in my life right now, so I'm gonna do it on a different post. Thanks for your help!!
