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That must me it...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Raug, Dec 30, 2011.

  1. Raug

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    So just came back from hanging out with a guy... I know he's bi. I'm pretty sure he knows I like him...
    The only thing I've been able to come to is I'm not good enough for him. I'm not good looking, I'm to young, I'm immature... -sigh- What should I do?

    ---------- Post added 30th Dec 2011 at 08:45 PM ----------

    ... * be fml
     
  2. Suracis

    Suracis Guest

    You really shouldn't blame yourself if the guy you were hanging out with doesn't have an interest you. I mean, it's very similar to crushes. Just because you like someone doesn't mean that the person will like you back. Therefore, blaming yourself is a waste of time. And if you really believe those things about yourself, then find ways to change. Although, people don't tend to change radically...
     
  3. Raug

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    I can't make myself better looking or older...
     
  4. Suracis

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    When you get older, you're going to say, "I wish I was younger". So enjoy your youth while you can! You have many years ahead of you and there's no reason to rush how old you get. Besides, you really can't make yourself older unless you somehow change your birth certificate but that's a different story.

    Another thing to know is that different people look at the same person and say that the person is attractive as well as unattractive. Meaning that just because someone thinks you're unattractive, that doesn't mean that's what everyone else thinks. Besides, looks can only get you so far but your personality will carry you farther.
     
  5. duriru

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    Don't say that, you are very good looking. And being young isn't necessarily a bad thing.

    And, as Suracis said, looks aren't the most important thing. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to date someone who only cares about how I look, not my personality.
     
  6. jargon

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    As a bi guy myself I'll say this: there are lots of incredibly attractive people who don't even register for me sexually. Being bi doesnt always mean you're attracted to everyone attractive. I have very narrow types within both genders. The most attractive very masculine guys, for example, are only as sexually attractive to me as they are to striaght guys (which is pretty much zero). Their just a type I have no interest in. I think most bi people have some category like this. I'd imagine its hard to live a life where everyone is just a makeover away from being "your type."
     
  7. Zontar

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    You look like you'll grow into your age nicely. Wait a few years and guys will throw themselves at you.
     
  8. Kidd

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    You definitely are not unattractive so just forget about that right now. You are pretty young, but that's a good thing. That means opportunity. You have years and years and years to meet guys. I know this probably won't mean anything to you right now but I'm right; you're going to get older and change. You're going to evolve. Two years from now you might look back on this and wonder what you ever saw in him in the first place and then you'll count your lucky stars that nothing ever happened between the two of you.

    You don't even know what he thinks about you yet, so let's not jump to any conclusions, but so what if he doesn't like you? Look at this as an opportunity for someone better to come along. I've been in the same situation before. You meet someone and you like them and then for one reason or another it doesn't work out. So what. You move on. There will inevitably be other boys. There will be cuter boys, smarter boys, richer boys, whatever. They will come.

    In the meantime, you just have to focus on yourself. Throw yourself into your hobbies. Go out and live a fun life. Do something amazing that's worth talking about. Make people laugh. That's what people find attractive. Tearing yourself down will never get you what you want. If you like being immature, be even more immature than you are now. If you like cartoons, that's great, love them even more. It's a million times better to live up to your own standards than someone else's. Don't sacrifice who you are for love, because you'll lose both.
     
  9. starfish

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    That is the truth.
     
  10. Raug

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    Thanks to everyone. What you said made me realize what I really need to be doing.

    I actually feel pretty dumb writing this because I don't need him. Though it doesn't help that he's my vocal coach...
     
  11. Charni

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    If you be confident and have fun you will find a partner. And you don't have to worry about the looks department. I'm a lesbian and even I think your a bit cute.
     
  12. Raug

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    Day. Made. :slight_smile:
     
  13. Ianthe

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    He's your vocal coach? How much older is he?

    He might think doing anything with you would be unethical. If he's a lot older than you, it would be illegal, anyway, and he could get into a lot of trouble. You should not feel bad when adults don't want to pursue romance with you. It doesn't mean anything at all, except that they prefer not to do things that are illegal and that our society considers reprehensible.

    The only one of the things you mentioned that I think is probably relevant is that you are too young. But he very likely thinks of it just as much as him being too old for you. As in, even though you like him, him pursuing it wouldn't be in your best interest, because he is too old for you.

    Even if he is just a couple years older than you, he might especially feel like it would be inappropriate for him to initiate anything, particularly because you are his student. But if he is your vocal coach, I'm going to guess that he is an adult, in which case allowing anything at all to happen with you could have very serious, lifelong repercussions for him.

    It has nothing at all to do with whether he's attracted to you. While your age makes you off-limits, it does not make you undesirable. Generally speaking, men, especially, prefer young (but post-pubescent) partners. (Both gay and straight men--it's a guy thing, not a gay thing.)

    If you really care about him, you will not want to get him into trouble. So, try not to put him in a difficult position.

    To be honest, I think it's a better indication that he cares about you if he won't pursue anything sexual with you, at such a young age. If he did, I would think that he didn't care about your well-being, and that he was not good for you.

    Truly, at this point in your lives, a relationship between the two of you would be a very bad idea for you both.

    Enjoy the feelings you have for him--they are special and wonderful, even when it hurts--and accept that, right now, that's as far as it can go.

    One other thing--if he really does know how you feel about him, I'm sure it made his day! :thumbsup:
     
  14. Charni

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    Ec upgrade.

    Aw really? Thanks.
     
  15. Hana Solo

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    I agree which Charni. You are cute :slight_smile: And I agree with the previous posters. They're all right. You'll grow into yourself and even at 17 I wish I was younger lol. Don't waste these years wanting to be older, but enjoy them!
     
  16. Raug

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    He's 17 and dated someone younger then me not long ago .-.

    ---------- Post added 31st Dec 2011 at 12:42 PM ----------

    I usually don't have an issue with my age I'm the young one in our group and always tease everyone.
     
  17. RebelD

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    Dude, you should look in the mirror and smile! He is gonna see you grow up and once you find someone you really like he is going to feel stupid for not realizing what was right in front of him. Never try to change yourself, you are the perfect you. Get what I'm saying?
     
  18. Raug

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    Yeah...ig... But I don't want him to make that mistake~
     
  19. Raug

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    He likes me~ <3
     
  20. Ianthe

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    I'm not even slightly surprised. Congrats.