Hey guys, (I apologize in advance for the length and possible silliness of of this thread. Needed to thought-vomit and get some opinions) So background to this: I've been chatting with a guy since mid-October and it feels like we really click. It is established that we're both gay and (in my opinion) that we're both interested in one another. I have met with him in person and the same still stands. I've been feeling really confused and frustrated with where things seem to stand between us though. On the one hand, we definitely do not talk as friends would; we flirt with one another on quite the regular basis and call each other by 'pet' (nick)names. We're always checking up on one another throughout the day and we usually chat quite a bit before sleep. On the other, he doesn't seem to be taking much initiative in starting (or furthering) a relationship. During school, sure. I could understand the somewhat long distance and exams. But we've been on winter break for almost a good two weeks now and everything between us is still as it was when we were in different cities during the fall term. I actually feel quite silly as I'm typing this all out. I know for a fact that I've explicitly expressed my interest, but I feel like I'm getting mixed signals. It just really irks me to not know what's going on. It's not that I'm demanding a label or anything (though it'd be nice); I just want to know if this is going anywhere and if it's worth the headache that it is causing me at the moment. A part of me really wants to just lay the cards on the table and ask him directly how he sees this, but I don't want to have a premature relationship conversation... which is what I feel like would happen if I were to press this issue forward. He already knows that I'm peeved and that he is possibly the reason behind it. Am I making too big of a deal out of this? Half of the time I feel like I'm just finding something to mull over. I've been telling myself: "Oh I'll let it play out and not make something of nothing." But sometimes, like right now, I just really want an answer and it really bums me out. Winter break is almost over and I don't know if I could stand another two months of this muddling before spring break.
Just ask him if he is interested in pursuing anything with you. "I'm not asking you to commit to anything at this point, I'm just kind of confused as to whether you are even interested in a possible relationship with me, or if I'm just wasting my time." Try that, maybe?
my best advice is always do not exert more energy than what the other person is exerting towards you. this doesn't mean sit back and hope that he says something to you. you have to do your own part and take initiative and it sounds like you've done that. if you feel like you like him and you've made it clear, you have offered to hang out, you have suggested meetings blah blah blah, and that person isn't reciprocating at the same level or with the same gusto, then put them on the back burner and focus on someone else or have the discussion to see what's up so you can move on. you've done all you can do. you have to look out for you own interests and waiting around to see if someone likes you or not is really just a waste. either they do or they don't and usually if you have to ask and repeatedly talk about it, then you already have your answer. i used to get hung up on, "is he going to ask me to hang out. i texted him, but he is not making clear plans to hang out with me..., i did this, i did that blah blah blah. the point is, now, i put it out there, i'm clear on my intentions and what i want, i offer to hang and suggest stuff. if someone is not doing the same for me or i feel like i'm pulling teeth, i move on and if they come back around ok, if i'm still interested and single, then maybe they have a shot.
Mmm thanks for the replies. I asked him directly as suggested and we had a brief talk. We've established that we're going to stay friends. Though I still sort of hold a grudge against him for having so blatantly led me on for the past few months, I'm not hung up on him or anything. Just really glad that I know where that stands and that I can start the new year with my efforts elsewhere. Thanks guys!
