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Going from questioning to straight?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SFSorrow, Dec 31, 2011.

  1. SFSorrow

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    Has anybody ever heard of someone seriously confused or questioning about their orientation who turned out to be straight, or, if you start questioning does that pretty much guarantee that you're queer to some degree? I mean proper examples, not theoretically.

    I realise it's going to be complicated by people going back into the closet or being in denial and all that kind of thing. And I'm not thinking about people who experiment a bit in their teens, I'm referring more to people who are seriously conflicted. Hope what I mean makes sense to people.

    Just curious about it as I can't think of ever hearing about it (for the record I don't think it's going to happen to me or anything).
     
  2. Lexington

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    I PERSONALLY haven't heard any direct antecdotes. I have a friend or two who wondered back in their early teens, but decided fairly quickly that they were straight. I've also known people who thought they were gay, and realized/decided they were bisexual after several years (many of whom ended up settling down with an opposite sex partner). But as far as deciding they were actually straight when they thought they were gay/bi - no. I wouldn't say that it's impossible, but I'd say it's far less common than the other direction.

    Lex
     
  3. Chip

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    I'm with Lex. I know of a couple of people who were really openminded and basically said "Maybe I should consider this" and fooled around with a same-sex partner once, felt nothing, and let it go.

    Separate from that, I had a friend who in high school was clearly gay and had multiple boyfriends and then a long-term boyfriend. His boyfriend ended up dying from complications of AIDS in his early 20s and my friend was obviously devastated. I lost touch with him, but now he's married to a woman and has children. My *suspicion* is that he simply did that as a response to losing his partner and is probably still gay and in denial and not very happy. (He never identified as bisexual in the years I knew him.)

    But other than that, I don't know of anyone who's done any serious questioning/experimentation over time and then determined they were straight.
     
  4. BudderMC

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    I feel like if you took all the time to go through the mental anguish of questioning your sexuality in the first place, you probably aren't 100% straight (coupled with the fact that sexuality is fluid). I mean, why go through the whole process to validate the fact that you are what society deems as the "default"?
     
  5. oneday

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    I knew someone who came out, went back in the closet, got a girlfriend, dumped her after a year and then came back out again...
     
  6. WeirdnessMagnet

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    I kinda-sorta did... But I always had my doubts about what really went on in that case. I'd file it in "a girl gone back into closet" category, and wouldn't be surprised to be introduced to her girlfriend next time we meet instead of the next in the parade of guys who all say how wonderful she is but say "something's missing in our relationship" on breakup.
     
  7. SFSorrow

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    Thanks for all the the replies, you've pretty much confirmed what I suspected. The question came to me when I read about that rugby player who apparently turned gay after his stroke, and that set off the train of thought.

    Obviously it's a complex issue, what with people going back into the closet, being in denial and all that. And BudderMC, you make a good point about why anyone would wonder if they weren't in the default situation without a very good cause.
     
  8. Maddy

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    I've seen it happen. I have a friend who questioned her sexuality for a while, but eventually concluded that she was pretty much straight.