well ive been thinking for the past few days that well, im not really interested in the sexual aspects of a relationship very much. i dont mind kissing or hugging (ok, maybe hugging a little bit, i hate hugs or being touched but certain people im ok with) there are some days i am but i can never contemplate me actually being in a situation where i have full on sex with either a guy or a girl. i do have a to have a physical attraction but what i really want is a psychological/emotional one, for all i care sex can either be rare to non existant. is that normal or is it just because the fact ive never had sex yet, and would alot of people have an issue with that if i date them? also as a side note, really the only person i dont mind touching me is a girl i like and i actually really like it when she messes with my hair and i haven't seen her do it to other people so do you guys think she likes me? ugh i feel so weird :lol:
I can relate to you to a certain extent. I have some issues too when it comes to people touching me. I contribute it to being a kind of closed-off person until you really get to know me. Personally, I don't think that this will be a problem in your future in regards to a boyfriend/girlfriend. I think that as time goes by, and you form that emotional relationship with the person, you'll also develop a physical one along with it. I think that you'll be okay with having your boyfriend/girlfriend touch you and with sex because it will be connected to your emotional relationship with them and be a representation of it (if that makes sense). And it's possible she likes you
first of all, i think this is totally normal. even though lots of society crams sex down our throats, we don't have to be oversexed. i actually think you are in a much BETTER place than lots of other people. think about what you REALLY want, it's probably someone who is going to love you for you and that's far more than sex. and i for one would NEVER have a problem with that, and i'm a pretty good guy and i think having sex is something that really should be in a committed relationship anyway, so don't worry man, you're in a great place she MIGHT like you, but just let whatever develops develop. again what's really important in the long run is relationship and i think you have a really good sense of that from what i know of you already
I'm much much more romantic than physical myself. It can be awkward in relationships where the other is physical, but good communication is essential in any relationship and that is something that is only a minor problem really. Whether she does or not, let it develop and enjoy the friendship, I say.
There are a surprising number of guys for whom sex isn't that important, and other things (cuddling, friendship, communication) are much more important, so you're not that unusual. But it could also be that you've not yet had a chance to have good sexual experiences, and are just having a bit of anxiety about something that's new. And the best sexual interactions are ones where there's a really strong emotional component; in fact, for many, it is the emotional component that makes the sexual experience what it is. Without it, it isn't much different than masturbating.
I feel the same exact way, I'd rather have relationship where it's more the emotional type than the sex type. Sometimes I think that I don't want to have sex at all but then at times I do. I don't know if it's normal or not but your not alone
Ditto to what Chip said. Just like people have orientations in different degrees from completely straight to completely gay (with most falling in between), people also have different degrees of sexual urges from being sex-addicts to practically being eunuchs. We get the most screwed up when we THINK that we need to behave or react in a certain way and don't. You're just you. You will fall somewhere between gay and straight and between eunuch and sex-crazed. Give up on expectations and just find out where YOU are comfortable and where you are. Tracker PS: I personally like anyone playing with my hair.
I dont like people huging me either , with that thought that they would be uncomfortable if they new that I was gay , othervise I wouldnt mind if I get them from my boyfriend
I've found that guys I don't think about sex really - more just cuddling, laying my head on his shoulder, and kissing... and wrestling (in a non-sexual way). Whereas with girls it's somewhat different lol - my mind jumps straight past the other stuff and goes right on to penetration. I like how guys bring support, but I also like wanting to the better man for the girl and a feeling of euphoria that girls bring - like a pheramone drug acid trip that rocks. It's just. I think everyone is wired differently.
there's nothing wrong with you. its perfectedly normal to want a emotional connection with someone more than a physical one. that's great. our society promotes the reverse...it promotes having a physical relationship with someone first and then that building to an emotional one. i personally think that if you want a relationship with someone that will actually stand the test of time, the foundation is important. if the foundation is physical, what is so special about that where someoen wouldn't be able to get the same thing or better from someoen else. if the foundation is emotional, then its going to be pretty hard to find that type of connection randomly with someoen else and there's a greater likelihood that the relationship will endure. with that said, humans like physical connection. so if you only want an emotional one that never leads to a physical one, it will likely be a problem with your partner unless you find someone that also never wants to do anything phyiscal. the best thing to do is be upfront with what you're looking for so that people can determine if they are or are not interested in that.
I feel this way frequently - I have sexual attraction, but not a desire for sex. I've always wondered if this is asexualism, because of the attraction part, but I don't know.
One of the most intimate experiences I've had since coming out was holding hands while sitting on a park bench looking at the moon and he put his head on my shoulder. I've had plenty of sex in my life. And that experience, hands down, was one of the most intimate I've had. And it never went any further. So, I'd say don't worry about what you "should" or "shouldn't" want to do and just focus on what makes you feel good (be it holding hands, cuddling, sex, or none of the above).
Now I'm starting to think that maybe I've been hardwired into not being able to maintain a relationship. I got a little depressed later yesterday and thought about basically where my life took a turn for the worst (being bi wasn't the issue, or at least the main issue) and I noticed that I tended to do better academically if I just told the world to fuck off and I stuck my face in a book, as soon as I tried to do something social or think social, especially of i got a crush, grades go down and life turns to a hell filled with annoyances. I can't really explain it roght now but i posted something else where and ill post that tomorrow so you guys can get a idea, but basically, I feel like crap, and i dont want to deal with anything other than work and school. I kind of want to go back to that FU world mentality because if I dont i feel I'm going to end up a failure. Oh, and she doesn't like me like that, I'm not too bothered, I was expecting it *sigh*
Nobody's hardwired to be unable to maintain a relationship. Some people struggle with it more than others, usually because of family-of-origin issues growing up that create various insecurities and other problems that make it difficult to sustain a healthy relationship, but all of those sorts of things can be resolved with therapy and a serious effort on self-growth. Now... that said, there are certainly times in one's life where it can make sense to put off doing self-work. If you're in an intense time in school, then opening the door to do the self-work necessary to sustain healthy relationships might indeed interfere with your ability to accomplish your schoolwork. But it's also easy to keep putting off the self-work forever. I think the important thing to realize is you absolutely can get to a place where you'll be comfortable in a long term relationship. That might just require a little bit of effort, or a lot of work, depending on what your issues are and how that affects your ability to interact with others. But I wouldn't just swear off relationships, because you'll miss out on a lot of the richness of life if you do.
