So as some of you will already know from my previous posts I was seeing someone and there were some problems that really concerned me which were resolved thanks to you all giving me advice but in the end he ditched me in a slightly callous method. In brief "I haven't felt the same way about you for the last 2 months and didnt want to say, I only made out with you to make sure I didnt feel that way". Thing is after looking over the posts I made I never actually fully stated how strongly I felt for him. I'd known him a good while before we started going out and even before we went out together I had very strong feeling for him, I loved him and he broke my heart. Now I've never really loved anyone that deeply before and been so shattered by them so I'm ill-equipped to deal with getting over them. I know I have to move on and I have to get over them but I'm finding it difficult. I fooled myself into thinking I was over him after a week of breaking up and got involved with someone else about 3 weeks later, I had to end things because I crashed...I realised I wasn't happy and I wasn't over my ex, that I wasn't ready to move on even though this person was/is a really sweet person with all the qualities of a good boyfriend and lots in common with me. The shadow of my old relationship just keeps looming over me and I can't seem to block it out or ignore it any longer. So what do you guys do when that happens? Any tips or strategies? Thanks.
The only thing I can really suggest at this point is not to worry if it takes you a while to get over him, even if he's getting over the relationship faster. Everyone moves at their own pace. You've already kind of realized this, but I wouldn't jump into other relationships right away. A few things that helped me in post-relationship status: 1) Get involved with or spend time on something that you're interested in but never really did with him. Less opportunities to trigger memories, and more chances to realize that their are other things going on in your life. 2) Do not, under any circumstances, listen to the radio. Too many songs about being in love, breaking up, or wanting to be with someone. Don't listen to any of your own music that's like this either. 3) Do things that focus heavily on a particular sense. Take a walk and listen carefully to all the birds or bugs or car engines you hear. Take a bath. Light a candle and watch it burn for as long as you like. Other than that...as long as you're being diligent about not letting yourself dwell on the situation and being patient with yourself, all you need is time. Good luck. (*hug*)
The only thing that gets you over a relationship are time, distance, and other things to focus on. Time will take care of itself. Maintain your distance from him - make sure he's no longer on your FB account, and you've deleted his number, etc etc. And then, go out and be social. Spend time with friends, make new friends, keep busy. Eventually, you'll get to the other side. Lex
Keep up your routine. When my heart is broken I try to keep up a routine so it doesn't screw with my life too much. I agree with Gravity- don't listen to sad breakup music! It only makes it worse because you dwell on it. Picking up a hobby to focus on can help. It did me. Finding someone new is a bad idea. Bounceback relationships never work out. You need time in yourself to work it out and get over it before you leap back into the scene. So as much as you miss and want the physical aspects, and to be loved, again, don't go there. ---------- Post added 1st Jan 2012 at 04:39 PM ---------- Also, be prepared for it to take time! Because it will take time and a lot of it.
well its just like anything else, it takes time. often people think the best thing to do when a relationship ends is run into a new relationship. we basically do this because we're lonley and miss the last person. however great the new person is, they will never measure up because we're still dealing with teh hurt and baggage from teh last person. think of it like this. after every trip on a plane, instead of leaving your bags from that trip at home, you keep the clothes in tehre and when you have a new trip, you get a new suitcase and bring all the luggage from the past trip plus all the new luggage for the new trip with you and try and get on the plane. sounds silly huh.... you know you would not be able to handle all that baggage and you know they would not let you store all that baggage on the plane without charging a high fee. well that's what we do when we run from relationship to relationship, we keep holding all this luggage from teh last relationship and carrying it with us. so what you need to do is stop, get out that suitcase from your last relationship because all your "clothes" are still in there. You need to unpack all those clothes, wash them, get the dirt off them, refold them and store them in their proper place so that when you're ready for your new "trip" you will be ready and not overwhelmed with all this previous luggage to deal with. unpacking your old relationship means, look at the dirty clothes. what went wrong, what did you do, what did they do, what do you want from your new relationship...analyze this. washing the dirty clothes of your old relationship....now that you uncovered the problem, spend time washing it out. this means working on yourself so that you can be better in teh next situation. washing involves activity. get out there, do things you enjoy. doesn't have to be focused on finding someone new. sometimes we need to be active to "wash" out the hurt, the dirt, and the pain, and also to wash out the things we did wrong that we can work on doing better refolding teh clothes and storing them away/purging the clothes you do not want anymore...... we can't keep clothes forever. sometimes they get worn, holes in them, or too small for us. so refold the things you want to keep and move forward with for your "new relationship". any new positive thinking or attitudes that you learned that will be helpful in your new relationship keep them. fold them up, store them away in your heart. anything that is old, damaged, unwearable, useless, negative,....time to get rid of those things so when you are ready for a new relationship you wont be weighted down with the old yucky "clothes". i hope this analogy helps. washing clothes is a chore that we dont like to do, it takes times, there is a process, but at the end of the day, you will end up coming out of it smelling better, looking fresh, and ready to take on the day
