I'm incredibly depressed, and I'm so tired of being alone all the time... My family goes off and leaves me home alone, my ONE friend here in town I see maybe once a month, and all my other friends live out of town. My so called "Best friend" is in town for the holidays. She knows how depressed I am, knows I never get out of the house, and yet still can't manage to make time for me or even answer her phone... My out of town friends would come see me if they could, but they cant, so I can't exactly be upset with them... I'm just tired of being alone to stew in my thoughts all the time. Especially since my thoughts are usually not ones normal people should be having. Like how fat i am, or how I should just stop eating, or wondering if i can take a knife and just shave off my whole stomach area, or if anyone other than my daughter would really miss me if my ex did manage to kill me, or if I'll ever be pretty enough... or what a HUGE failure and disappointment to my family I am... or other just horrid thoughts... I just don't understand how to get better, or how to make them understand...
first, i totally understand and i'm in a real funk now too. i think i need to go for a walk and start believing more of the good about me and my life than all the bad i've been believing. maybe that's what God's telling me to do for 2012. another ironic part is that i've been meaning to tell you for the past week or so that your profile picture is beautiful
I say you need to go somewhere and get away for a little bit. According to weather.com the weather in your neck of the woods is pretty nice today. You should take your daughter and go to a park. Looking at Google maps there is a big national forest not too far from lake city. I say make a lunch head out there and spend the day there. Or if forests are not your thing the beach is only an hour and half away.
im usually left alone with my thoughts alot of the time as well, i only talk to my friends through text very rarely, and at school, i actually dont really consider them friends because i see them for one hour hopefully every school day. they are just people i sit with and talk. and i actually have thoughts like that as well, ive probably thought about suicide a bunch of times, my only deterrant being noone would be able to take care of all my pets >.< my solution is to find a hobby that you can do at home, or go to funny websites like damn you autocorrect to cheer up. dont listen to any slow or depressing music (especially coldplays viva la vida, man that just makes you want to cry) if your daughter is with you id do something like make cookies with her or play board games or draw with her. i hope this helped alittle
My daughter is only 7 months old... and I do play with her when shes not napping... I dont even have school, not really... Classes start back Thursday, but I'm in college, so... its awkward... no one really wants to talk, just listen to the teacher and bolt... I've gotten to where I rarely listen to music because of my mood, and I'm on medication, but still... I HATE being alone all the time....
Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel worse. Still try to find something to do. It will help take you mind off thinks. Maybe call or skype with on of your out of town friends. When you start back to school, try to start the conversation. It might take a few tries but you'll find someone who wants to talk.
I agree with starfish, getting out is so important! It doesn't even have to be something big like going to the park, or the movies or something. Just walking to your local supermarket or something with your daughter, absorbing the rays of the sun, and just taking the time to look about can make you feel soooooooo much better! Trust me, I never go out because nobody wants to hang out with me and it's really depressing. But even just walking around my apartment complex by myself, and taking in the sun and just wandering can be so healing! :::: )) Remember, you are so important! If you can't function emotionally, who will care for your daughter the way she was meant to be cared for? And more importantly, if you can't function, who will care for you?
I'd suggest baking for in house stuff! It might be sort of a boost to see something you've put together turn out nice, and edible. Idk how to explain it but baking is definately a stress reliever for me! Maybe give it a try? Also a walk around town would be nice, especially if you try wearing something like your hair/makeup/outfit in a way that makes you feel confident about yourself. Hope this helps and you get better doll <3