still struggling

All I can suggest is that you do what is right for you - your parents may not like it, but at the end of the day it's your feelings and life at stake. My parents refused to accept my pagan faith, and still refuse to this day, and I simply told them that it was my life and that we simply wouldn't discuss it. I suggest that you tell your family, explain that you don't want your soul to be saved, and then they will know at least.

It may be hard, and it may hurt, but in the end which is more important, your life or your family?

Blessings )O(

 

I can only speak from personal opinion of course. I can't say what exactly I would do if I were in your position - I'm not. That being said, I can only see two options.

The first is to keep doing what you're doing, although I think that if you keep doing that your situation will deteriorate. You are living your life to please other people - building up relationships, and conducting yourself in a manner that will gain you the most ground in the eyes of those important to you. At the same time though, you are holding yourself prisoner to that life and the expectations of others and I think you will begin to feel worse and worse the longer you do that. I'm afraid it looks like you are building an empty life. - outwardly happy, inwardly not.

The second option of course is to do something to fill the void. Meet people. Bring someone into your life to enrich it. This is what I would recommend. As for your family, do they love you, or only the you that you present to them?

As Jay_D said, "... which is more important, your life or your family?"

 

Your family sounds a lot like mine, which is why I still haven't come out to anyone. I'm still working on accepting who I am, so I'm not yet ready to make that big step. But I know one day I will be ready to come out to them and it's scary to think about it. It seems impossible. We just need to remember that it's our life, our happiness. You can choose to do what you want. No one is forcing you to come out to your family. Do what makes you feel comfortable. You may not be ready now, but maybe one day you will.

Although, I'm curious as to why you think socializing with people in the LGBT community will disrupt your family and professional life? I've had a gay best friend for many years and I've even had them over at my home numerous times, while my homophobic family was home. I've never had any problems. I think you could still socialize without any negative consequences, just don't have your friends call or send letters to your family's home or workplace.

Also, I don't know what the labour laws are in your country, but some countries prohibit discrimination in the work place based on sexual orientation.

 

If your family is hurt by you estranging yourself from them after they reject you for being gay, then that's their own damn fault, not yours. You're feeling hurt for their potential prejudice. It's not your fault that they're uneducated. You're right, you can't win a religious battle if they are the type who refuse to look at both sides of the theological discussion regarding human sexuality. The mom in "Prayers for Bobby" was the same way.

I'm in a similar place in my life so your posts caught my attention. I know how hard it is to want to get out after taking so long to do it so I'm really hoping the best for you. (*hug*)

 

You sound a lot like myself.

You don't need to come out at work if you don't want to. - I didn't. There's no reason they need to know.
You don't need to come out to your family yet if you don't want to.

I DO think you need to come out to SOMEONE, either a close friend, a trusted colleague,... someone you know who'll be supportive. There's nothing like support from a real live person who looks at you with acceptance and not shame. You don't need to date them, you just need to be able to be sincere, open, and honest, without fear of being judged. More importantly, I think you need to learn how to live for YOURSELF, and not for other people.

Maybe there are some groups in your area, PFLAG for instance, where you could remain anonymous and still be around LGBT people. They would have more information about services and social events in your area. I'm sure your family or co-workers don't keep tabs on EVERYTHING you do, so there would be little risk of being discovered. Could you not spare some time for something like this?

Think about it.

 

Yeah, I agree. I really think you might want to watch that movie on youtube one day because it sounds like you're in a similar position, and it would make a great recommendation to your family if you ever do come out to them because it offers alot of religious arguments that show homosexuality in a better light. I know what you mean to an extent, because certain parts of my extended family are extremely religious and I hesitate to tell them, but in the end it's your life. You're gunna have to decide between this routine of lying to everyone around you that you've become accustomed to for their acceptance, or go for your own happiness and fuck everyone else. =) If they really love you, they'll want you to be happy, regardless of where they think your soul will end up. Plus, think about it, what kind of just God would make the only way to achieve happiness in the afterlife to go through personal misery and loneliness while alive? Just doesn't make sense to me. Good luck man, let us know how everything goes

 

You sound very much like myself. I was taught the same thing... not directly, but certainly I grew up in an atmosphere where being gay was considered disgusting and deviant. Only perverts thought like that. So as a young teen, when I was confronted with signs that I may actually be gay, I couldn't accept it. I tried praying it away. I found every explanation possible to logically explain it to myself, (it's just a phase, I haven't met the right girl, I'm just shy, etc,) and I did everything possible to create an image of a sweet and upstanding young man who'd do anything for anyone - partly as an image for other people to see, partly to convince myself of that. I also avoided any and all romantic situations. I couldn't allow people to see me utterly fail in a situation with a female, or to be seen with the slightest interest in male.

Eventually I got to the point where, after years of doing this, other people had moved on with their lives, found love, had families, etc., and I had stood still with nothing.

I eventally had to accept the fact that I was gay and that there was nothing I could do about that, but in doing THAT, I had to come upon a few other important discoveries...

First, I had to come to the conclusion that the upstanding person I was portraying wasn't the act at all. It was the real me. Sure, it was over emphasized to protect myself, but that didn't make it less real. The friends that I came out to, pointed out that that had suspected all along anyway - and still loved me. After I accepted all of this I kind of became less of a doormat - now I could comfortably say "no" to people, but the core person that I had been all these years remained.

Second, any of the nay-sayers that would've chastized me for being who I was had moved on with their lives and didn't really pay much attention to me anyway. So I was forced to admit that I was going out of my way to seem socially palatable for people whose lives really weren't affected one way or another by my being gay. In other words, I was putting my life on hold, just so they could live comfortably in their own false belief systems. It hardly seemed fair. Why should other people live happy full lives while I'm left with scraps?

I feel that the situation is similar for you.