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Issues with Ex?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by midwestgirl89, Jan 2, 2012.

  1. midwestgirl89

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    This sounds stupid...I know I'm an idiot for being in this kind of a relationship but my ex contacted me and I am not sure how to handle it.

    First off, I dated a girl long-distance for one and a half years. We had a lot of issues. We only met in person once on a trip but we talked constantly so she was a big part of my life. At first it was great but then she started getting mad at me if I hung out with friends or wanted to do something other than stay on Skype with her all day. If we got into an argument, she would call me names or say she hated me. Or manipulate me into staying on Skype with her. Once she said I should die. And another time she said I was worthless and that she wanted to kill me because I was so stupid (she would never actually do that, but she did say the words "I want to kill you"). She cheated on me (if that's possible long-distance) and told me she couldn't choose between me and the other girl.

    She strung me along for quite a while. She played mean jokes on me a lot like she said she cheated on me again and then laughed and said it was supposed to be a joke. I cried everyday and felt like I was worthless. Then, 8 months after she cheated on me, I finally broke up with her. She didn't take it well and she still called me names and told me she hated me (even though she really didn't hate me). I felt as though I had to keep talking to her and put up with the insults.

    It took me so long to break up with her because I figured I deserved it..we remained friends. anyway she has been texting me recently and has told me she thinks I have changed too much. She invited me to come visit her and I declined. She was pissed. She said I used to be kind, sweet, shy, and pretty but now I've changed completely. I told her I was numb toward that whole situation and she seems upset because she still loves me and I don't feel anything. (ugh) What should I do? I hate being mean to people. I am starting to doubt myself again and think that I really am a bad person and mean like she says. She just said I am heartless which is something she used to say all the time.
     
  2. Raug

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    She sounds like a... mean person. I would stop all contact with her. You deserve so much more. She's abusive and I know how these relationships can be but it is NEVER worth it.
     
  3. Charni

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    She is crazy! And the bad type! Stay away from her. You will only get called names again. Your not mean, trust me. You sound very kind and loving.
     
  4. redstormrising

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    cut her off. you deserve SO much better. what she really means is, you've changed so much now that you've become willing to stand up for yourself and not take her bs as quickly as she can shovel it. she liked when you would capitulate to her demands, even if it was at your own expense. even if you were to just remain friends, what kind of "friend" treats a person this way?
     
  5. Hana Solo

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    Ditch her now. She just wants to control you again. I know I've got an ex-friend like this who tried all the guilt tripping, until I refused to play along. Then she got really pissed but I stayed strong and she hasn't spoken to me since, resorted to glaring.

    Stay strong, sweetie. You deserve way better, and you will find her out there. Don't go back to this girl. She doesn't deserve your loyalty or friendship. And congrats for standing up to her! I know how tough that is.
     
  6. midwestgirl89

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    Thanks for your advice and comments. I told her that I haven't changed other than that I stand up for myself more now. Your comment made me realize that. And I told her I don't love her like that (because I don't anymore) and that I won't allow anymore mean words.

    She says she won't contact me anymore but that has been said many times. I think she is still trying to manipulate me because she called me a sweet nickname that she used when we were in a relationship. Before ending the convo she said that I shouldn't listen to anything mean she has said in the past because I am wonderful and then *nickname*. She could go from very nice to very mean. Like one text she says I am great and beautiful and then the next she says she hates me if I say something disagreeable. I mean I read e-mails from a while back where she told me I was a terrible person and that I should go to Hell. And that I was cold and didn't have a heart. So there were good times, but also bad times.

    She told me certain things in the past that I am still insecure about like my hair, clothes, gift-giving habits, friendships, etc. She doesn't have many friends so she told me she has no one to talk to since I am "taking away her best friend." I said she could talk to friends at school and all. I know I should just cut off contact with her but I do feel bad.

    Thanks for your all's support. I am going to try to not talk to her. I know she won't be as mean as when we were in a relationship because all we talk about now is gay issues and Glee but it still probably isn't a good idea to be close friends with her. Hmm idk. Thanks again for listening to my rant. Sorry if it was too long.
     
  7. Hana Solo

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    Wow, are you sure you're not talking about my Kimba? She sounds exactly like her. Good on you for standing up for yourself and being strong. Remember, we're all here for you.
     
  8. midwestgirl89

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    Well, they could be the same person but in another person's body. It's sad when people think it's ok to be so mean. I'm sorry about your friend Kimba.

    My ex said she is incredibly sorry for all the stuff she said but I don't know if I'll be able to forgive her. Saying someone should die is pretty strong wording. She didn't mean it but still it sucks. I still can't give certain gifts for Xmas because she told me it was too stupid and now I feel stupid.
     
  9. Hana Solo

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    I'm sorry your ex has affected you so. If you need to talk, write on my wall. I'll be happy to talk to you.
     
  10. midwestgirl89

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    Thanks Hana and if you ever need to talk I'll be here too.