It's not quite a coming out story, so I won't post it there. I had a conversation last night with my little sister (12) last night about me potentially wanting to live as a man. She always jokingly calls me a "man" and goes "oh my god you're such a guy", stuff like that. Even though I know she's kidding around, it makes me feel happy for some reason. Anyway, we were talking, and somehow we came upon the topic of me wanting to be a man someday. The entire time we were discussing it, we said "change-thingee" instead of "transgendered" (she has a lisp and can't say transgendered properly, I actually find the phrase "change-thingee" to be super cute and I laughed a lot during this convo because of it). I asked her, "Well, what if I actually wanted to be a man someday?" She objected, and told me not to become a "change-thingee" or else I wouldn't be her sister anymore. I claimed I'd be her brother, and we both laughed. She said she wouldn't look at me that way, and can't look at anybody who is a "change-thingee" in that way. I asked her why, and she said it's because that's not what they are. I was laughing with her, and smiling, but inside my heart was breaking. We tossed the concept around for a while, and I discovered that she was upset over me cutting my hair short, because "I look like a boy". I am rolling around in a puddle of gender dysphoria and this just makes it so much harder. It makes me sad to know that if I were to become male someday, my little sister (one of the most important people in the world to me!) would never see me as what I could potentially be on the inside on the outside. I'm not even sure if anything can be done to change her mind, and I can't bring myself to put her opinions behind me for the sake of my own happiness. What the heck do I do???????? D::::
This is the exact thing that happened with my niece! She is the only person I've "come out" to I guess, but it was exactly as you described. She said that if me becoming a woman would be no different than her re-painting her room. I guess she meant that even if I changed how I was, I'd still be "Big Uncle" to her, as if it didn't matter becuase gender didn't matter. Bah, how confusing how the mind of a 7-year-old can mix with your feelings Hope for the best. (*hug*)
I'm sorry that happened. (*hug*) It sounds like your sister loves you very much. She is young so she might not fully understand what it means to be transgendered even if she knows the person goes through a physical change. She might not realize it's about a person's insides too, their emotions and who they are both inside and out. She may not understand that your body was female at birth but you're really male inside (if you're transgender) and out, and that the surgery is just to make your outsides match your insides, becoming the real you. I think at 12 a person can't really grasp that concept very well. I think when I was 12 I didn't even know what a gay person was, much less what it meant to be transgendered. Maybe you could have a heart-to-heart with her and explain that being transgendered isn't just about body parts. And that a person (if they have the surgery) is the same person they were before because they were just in the wrong body the whole time. It sounds like your sister loves you a lot and would understand if you had a surgery and/or are transgender. Often people are more accepting when they realize someone they love is in that certain group. Like when people become okay with gay people once they realize their best friend is gay. It might take your sister time to wrap her head around the idea that you're really her brother, not her sister. But she will come around. (*hug*) For now, remember that your sister loves you and try to start loving yourself for who you are. Once she sees that you are happy in your own identity she will probably have an easier time understanding everything. Find happiness within yourself so that even if things don't work out and she doesn't fully understand, you can still stand strong and be proud of who you are.
Tears all over my keyboard, and they won't stop pouring! I think you're right, midwestgirl, I'll try having a real talk with her sometime about me maybe being transgendered, and what it truly means. I can only hope that she, and everyone else in my family, can be happy for me.. She loves me, I love her (so much!!!!!!!!), and I know she'll miss having a sister... ::::' (
(*hug*) (*hug*) Awww I'm sorry things are so tough now. I hope they will be happy for you too. Even if you don't have a talk with her about you specifically being transgendered (if you're not ready for that) you could have a talk about transgendered people in general and how it's not just about a physical surgery. Your sister sounds sweet and you sound like a really great sibling to her. Whether you are her brother or sister, you're still the same you you've always been. Even if she misses having a sister for a while, she'll be gaining the best big brother she could ask for who isn't afraid of being himself. Brothers are just as important as sisters in a kid's life. (*hug*)
