:::: (( Honestly, I used to believe that saying you're bisexual was just an excuse for you to go to bed with anyone or garner attention (like fakey lesbianism, you know?). It took me a couple years to realize that it's not just a phase, or a fake thing, or an excuse, that it's an actual sexuality. Maybe your mom just needs that time too.
:roflmao: Only a bisexual person would want such an excuse. Anyway, hulu, your mom is just in denial. When you continue to date people of both sexes over the long term, she will stop thinking it's a phase.
Catch-22 at its finest. :roflmao: But, yes, hulu, "it's just a phase" isn't really the worst possible attitude, although it might cause some problems, and yes, other people "not getting it" is frustrating*. I think she will come to terms with your sexuality eventually. *Come to think of it, I think most bisexuals don't really believe in monosexuality deep down at their core either... Isn't it natural and beautiful to be bi? Why would anyone think otherwise? So, it's only fair we have to deal with some extra issues explaining ourselves to the rest of the world.
The "it's just a phase" is usually part of the stages of loss, usually bargaining ("Oh, it's just a phase, that's how he is right now, but he'll grow out of it." ) Of course, being cynical, sometimes identifying as bisexual *is* just a phase... on the way to accepting oneself as fully gay. A lot of people who eventually identify as lesbian or gay initially identify as bisexual so they can still cling to the idea they might end up with an opposite sex partner. So she might end up getting what she asks for... which clearly isn't what she wants
It's kind of a pet peeve of mine that bisexuals tend to insist that everyone else is really bisexual too. A lot of gay people end up leaving straight marriages, precisely because it turned out that they were NOT bisexual, and, despite loving the people they were married to very deeply, and feeling very bonded to them, they ultimately could not make a relationship work with an opposite-sex person. The dissolution of the relationship is very painful. Can you imagine how frustrating it must be for someone who's been through that to have people going around insisting that we are all really bisexual?
It is, and yes, I totally agree it's our fault. It also sort of comes with the territory, I kept thinking everyone else I know is bi, even while in the closet, and only learned not to say it aloud at first, then to recognize that no, some people aren't really bi, but this understanding is... detached, completely rational. I can understand it, but not imagine how it feels like, even remotely. (Probably also why my "I'm STRAIGHT" act never convinced anyone who cared... It was much more sham than that of 100% gay person's would have been.) So, as I said, other people having difficulty understanding bisexuality is only fair, - we don't understand their sexualities all that well either, and put too much stock into that "everyone is{ought to be} bisexual" wishful fantasy if we aren't careful...
To be fair, according to Kinsey, only about 10% of the population is at one end of the spectrum or the other, and everyone else is on the continuum. But the vast majority of those on the continuum are closer to one end or the other, and identify as straight or gay, as much for simplicity as anything else. I've said several times that sexual orientation isn't binary or trinary, that it's a continuum. The problem is, when people are trying to come to grips with where they fall on the continuum, the "bisexual" crutch (when it is a crutch and not a genuine reflection of their orientation) can get in the way of accepting one's true orientation. I think that's why, when someone identifies as bisexual but has never had an opposite-sex partner, nor shown any real interest in an opposite-sex partner, nor really felt any arousal toward an opposite-sex partner... people tend to discount the fact that there are those who genuinely *are* bisexual.
Just be who you are and do what you want to do. Bisexuality isn't really a phase. Just some bisexuals who were out at some point go back in after in a straight marriage and some gay guys are in extreme denial (which I still don't really understand how one can think attration when it's not there since it would react the same exact way to guys and girls).
I totally share this pet peeve. This concept is aired a lot on a site for bisexuals that I frequent, and it drives me nuts. The argument runs that everyone is *really* bi, and that people who identify as bisexual are the ones smart or cool enough to realize and embrace their bisexuality. Gods, it's tantalizing, isn't it? The possibility that one of the things that most alienates you from mainstream society might actually be something that everyone in society shares...but *you* are one of the few who are enlightened enough to realize it! (It's kinda reminiscent of the first Harry Potter book: am I just a worthless orphan not deserving of love or basic human respect, and who must be kept in a closet...or am I in fact the most powerful wizard the world has ever known, famous, rich, and the key to saving the universe?!) I've said it before and I'll say it again. When we try to theorize that everyone else is just like us in some important way, we oversimplify the human experience. Sure there are plenty of potentially bisexual people who haven't yet figured it out. But to think that everyone in the world is a repressed bisexual (except of course for us enlightened non-repressed bisexuals) is just ridiculously wishful. Yes, I'd love to live in a world where we're all queer...I've always been more comfortable around queer people (go figure). But I look around and I can *feel* the straightness of most people. And Hulu, I get your frustration...but I also have to ask why it matters whether your mother thinks you're in a phase or not. She may not totally get you...who among us has parents that totally get us? But from other posts you've made, she sounds loving and supportive (well, you'd said in another thread that she thinks you should experiment with your sexuality...here, it sounds like she wants you to wait to do this...you will, of course, do what you want!). Give her time, and she will come around. But until then, don't let *her* ignorance get you down.
We don't insist it. I insist that everyone is bi-curious at some point. i think that everybody should experiment.
Really sounds to me that she's just in denial; trying to believe that you arn't really anything at all, that you're really straight just wanting attention. I know it's tough, and I know that I may not be right, but I've heard this thing before from a friend of mine and that was the case. :/ Hope for the best.
