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Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

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Old 4th Jan 2012, 10:22 PM   #1
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Suicide

Dear TJ,

I love you, I obsessed over you for months. You said you liked me, You lied. You dated her, she broke your heart. You couldn't take it. So you decided to take something I wanted. Yourself.

I can't help but cry,
or ask and reason why. You were selfish. You hurt me. How can I move on?

With all my love,
Jeremy
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Old 4th Jan 2012, 10:36 PM   #2
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Re: Suicide

I'm so sorry that happened. We're here for you Jeremy.
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Old 4th Jan 2012, 10:38 PM   #3
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Re: Suicide

His attemped failed. I'm giving this to him tomorrow.
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Old 4th Jan 2012, 10:38 PM   #4
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Re: Suicide

My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry
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Old 4th Jan 2012, 10:43 PM   #5
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Re: Suicide

I keep catching him looking at me. I feel really bad.
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Old 4th Jan 2012, 10:53 PM   #6
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Re: Suicide

I'm not sure I understand - why do you feel bad, exactly?

Beyond that, there is a quote that I think is fitting -

'There is always hope; and the strongest and bravest will keep it close to them. For if you surrender hope; then love was right to leave you.'. -Cruxshadows

In this context - since he is still alive,keep onto hope and your feelings. Try to get through to him if at all possible.
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Old 4th Jan 2012, 10:57 PM   #7
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Re: Suicide

Group HUg...
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Old 4th Jan 2012, 10:59 PM   #8
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Re: Suicide

I feel like it's my fault for not warning him about her.
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Old 4th Jan 2012, 11:42 PM   #9
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Re: Suicide

I don't want to sound mean here...but I don't understand why you are going to give him that note. The guy apparently felt so down about himself that he tried to kill himself, so if a person were going to give him a note, I assume it would be one that would be supportive and trying to raise his spirits some. Instead, yours just seems to blame him for being selfish and is completely about you moving on. It doesn't try to aid or support him at all, but rather seems like an attempt to put more emotional baggage on him.

Like I mentioned, I'm not trying to be mean...but that's the way I see it.

I understand that giving it to him will help you emotionally....but it might hurt him some. And I don't think it's right to add to the emotional weight of a person who just tried to kill himself.
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Old 4th Jan 2012, 11:49 PM   #10
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Re: Suicide

I guess you're right. Also gives me something else to talk to him about.
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Old 5th Jan 2012, 12:09 AM   #11
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Re: Suicide

Raug, I had a friend who tried to kill herself and I understand that it's really tough. It makes you angry, worried, hurt, confused, and lots of other emotions. Have you thought of talking to a friend/family member/counselor about how you're feeling about his suicide attempt? Writing on here's good too.

Usually the person who attempts suicide isn't thinking about how his/her actions will affect others around them. When did his suicide attempt happen? Maybe you could talk to some close friends before giving him any note and allow some time for you to process your emotions more. I never confronted my friend but I felt the same way as you.

It wasn't your fault that the girl turned out to be mean. You can't control the way other people treat others, so don't beat yourself up for that.

If you ever want to talk, you are always welcome to message me or write on my wall.
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Old 5th Jan 2012, 01:59 AM   #12
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Re: Suicide

I don't know... I just put on a pair of shoes of a severely depressed person and can't help but feel a little flattered by that note, if I were to receive it. It's darkly funny...and it would totally lift my mood. If you follow up with some nice light-hearted conversation of how special you think he is, I'm sure it'll help him feel better after. It'll give him a break from all the patron-ism he'll be getting from, most likely, every other visitors he gets.

With that said, I'm sorry that happened. I truly don't mean to offend in any ways. Best of everything to him and you!
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Old 5th Jan 2012, 02:21 AM   #13
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Re: Suicide

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan View Post
I don't want to sound mean here...but I don't understand why you are going to give him that note. The guy apparently felt so down about himself that he tried to kill himself, so if a person were going to give him a note, I assume it would be one that would be supportive and trying to raise his spirits some. Instead, yours just seems to blame him for being selfish and is completely about you moving on. It doesn't try to aid or support him at all, but rather seems like an attempt to put more emotional baggage on him.

Like I mentioned, I'm not trying to be mean...but that's the way I see it.

I understand that giving it to him will help you emotionally....but it might hurt him some. And I don't think it's right to add to the emotional weight of a person who just tried to kill himself.
I agree 100%, it sounds a lot like guilt tripping, which he doesn't need at the moment. You probably don't intend for it to do any harm, but I really don't think it's the right time to send him a letter like this. I think you'd be better off to leave it in a journal or something. He will be in a vulnerable state right now, and needs all the support he can get. If I were you and you still feel it necessary that you write him a note, I'd go more along the lines of this: "You had me, and a lot of other people, worried. If you ever think about doing something like this again, please think twice about all of the people who love you, and go to one of them for help. If you need me, I'm always here to offer a listening ear." Keep the focus on him, not yourself.
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Old 5th Jan 2012, 03:56 AM   #14
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Re: Suicide

Yeah like everyone else is saying, the last thing he needs is to feel guilty, because guilt doesn't help depression. You're calling him selfish but you're only thinking about yourself by the sounds of this letter. Suicide isn't something you think about lightly, and he didn't do it on a whim. He knows that he'd be leaving people behind and he doesn't need someone reminding him of that.

The best thing you could do is offer him support.
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Old 5th Jan 2012, 05:55 AM   #15
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Re: Suicide

I used to volunteer on a suicide hotline. What you say in that note is valid - for you. But its not designed to help him and would probably not help him at all. You need to deal with those feelings, but not through confrontation with him. If you want to be supportive (and you don't have to be - it's your choice) and you're comfortable with it, just let him know it's ok for him to talk to you about anything. Try to actively listen, without judgment, to what he has to say. If its over your head or your not sure how to deal with his problems, or you're afraid for his life - you should think about talking to someone (a teacher, parent, counselor, whatever) who can get him the help he needs. He may be pissed at you if you do that, but he'd be alive and pissed at you. Sorry you're dealing with such a difficult situation Jeremy. Make sure you take care of yourself in all this. His problems are his problems, not yours. And you are not responsible in any way, shape or form for his actions. Including attempts to hurt himself.

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