The topic of porn came up on another thread, so I decided I'd talk about it here. When it comes to porn, I have found that the only genre in gay porn that gets me aroused is the kind involving skinny and smooth-looking college-aged guys (18-24, although admittedly 18-21 is probably a better frame of reference). Everything else is a turnoff or doesnt do anything for me. At the same time it makes me feel incredibly vain and narrow-minded. Here I am, by no means a "twink", and approaching deeper into my 20's, and still finding only this kind of imagery to be erotic to my senses. Will it ever change, or will I be stuck with the same fixation even when I'm 50 or 60? That would be horrible. Anyone else have the exact same issue? :bang::eusa_doh:
I've often heard that for men relationships are more visual (vain) and for women its more mental. I have no idea if it is true or not. I wouldn't worry about this so much, youth will always be attractive (think of all the older strait guys drooling over young cheerleaders), but you are not considering the emotional aspect of a relationship.
Perhaps I'm not considering the emotional aspects, because I have no idea what a same-sex relationship would be like, as I've never been in one. I know this though.. When I was in high school, I was only attracted to other teenage guys. As I got older and progressed into my late teens and early 20's, the attraction range changed to 18-24/25ish. But even still, I cannot see it changing even further up as I get older from now on. While I find a FEW guys in their late 20's somewhat attractive, I find literally no guys in their 30's and beyond to elicit anything approaching a feeling of "I could live with him romantically or even get any joy from touching or kissing him", etc. When I look at those guys I see them almost in the same light as a straight guy would... If that makes any sense. :S ---------- Post added 5th Jan 2012 at 07:46 PM ---------- With women on the other hand, CONSIDERABLY less of an attraction and arousal than to men (which is why I'm not 3 on the Kinsey scale), but the few women that I do find passionately beautiful/hot, age is not so much an issue, since women have smooth and delicate looking skin and facial features for a longer period of time. I've seen a few women in their 30's that I found remarkably voluptuous for example. Gorgeous in a very erotic sense too... ---------- Post added 5th Jan 2012 at 07:48 PM ---------- Add to this the fact that until age 13 or 14, I had no idea of same-sex attraction and was always curious about my older bro's stash of playboy magazines and boobs. Does that have anything to do with my narrow fixation on a certain type of guys? ---------- Post added 5th Jan 2012 at 07:49 PM ---------- Some analysis into why I'm this way would be immensely appreciated.
Having a type of guy that you are into or porn that you are into doesn't make you vain or narrow-minded. Everyone has a type and everyone is attracted to certain things more than others. Keep in mind that you are making assumptions on the type of porn that you like the most. It doesn't mean that you won't ever like anyone else that doesn't fit that exact description. Else everyone who only watches porn with models in it would only be attracted to models and nothing else. Luckily for everyone, it doesn't work that way Who you find attractive will most probably change as your get older so I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Porn is not the same as live people. Worry about this being a problem if and when it becomes one. That is, if you actually find that you are only attracted to the same age range as you get older, worry about it then. Don't worry about it before it is a problem. (It's also possible that your interest in porn will be to that age range, but that you will be interested in guys closer to your own age in real life.)
Porn is fantasy, and with few exceptions, extremely one-dimensional. And I think once you are more widely out and dating and so forth, you'll find that what you like in a person may be completely different than what you like in porn. Some of the most attractive guys who appear in porn have the personality of a disappointed mink, or are completely self-absorbed, or about as much intelligence as a head of lettuce. Unsurprisingly, they have a hard time keeping boyfriends. By the same token, some of the most amazing, kind, intelligent, and loving people don't have looks that would get them into most porn shoots... but they have loving, healthy relationships because people love who they are, not what's skin deep. It's fine to have the fantasy to lust after the guys you find incredibly hot in the porn you watch... as long as you don't start trying to live your life as if it was a porn movie. I think once you've dated a bit, you'll realize that separation and it won't be a problem for you.
I actually used to obsess about that too, to be honest. But now that I am approaching 30 myself, I did find out the worrying was moot. My tastes did, in fact, age along with me. Okay, maybe I'm still not attracted to guys who are exactly older than I am, but I'd say my range is closer to the 24-30 range these days than it is to the 18-24 range I used when I was 5 years younger. And maybe that's not too odd. I was never really attracted to the idea of someone being "more mature" than myself (in fact, I'd consider it a turn-off). What mainly does it for me is being able to relate (even when watching porn, I need the idea that I could at least hang out with the guys in it). Which is easier to people my own age or just slightly younger. They are where I am in life, or have been a few years back. On some level, I can imagine knowing what it's like to be them. When I was 24, I was fresh out of university and looking for a job. so I tended to feel I could relate and develop friendships to people who were in uni or very new to working (which neatly fits the 18-24 bracket). These days, I'm actually more moving into the "settling in" stage, and I feel more related to people who are doing that as well. i.e. the 24-30 bracket. Also, the people I tend to meet in daily life are mostly around my own age. So while 30-year-olds were a strange and unknown demographic five years ago, these days I'm meeting more and more of them and seeing them as real people. Which does wonders for being able to develop attractions. At the same time, being in university is 5 years ago now, which means my sense of relating to 18-year olds is waning. I can still remember what it was like, but not spending my time with someone who's in the middle of it. Meanwhile, 40-year olds are still strange beings from a decade past (no offense, 40-year olds! ), so I can't quite find it in myself to be attracted to them. But I'm quite sure that in ten years, when I'm that age, I'll be able to relate to other 40-year olds much more. So I'm thinking it might be likewise: you might never really be attracted to guys much older, but you don't need to. As you get older, your range will most likely shift with your own age, as you become one of those older guys yourself. And, as the others said: porn is made as a ready-made disposable fantasy. It fails to capture the feelings real-life people can elicit. Don't feel too guilty for using it for what it's made, but also don't think it is an accurate model of how you'll grow to like a guy in real life.
I have worried about exactly the same thing. I just do not feel attracted to older guys in the slightest, your sentence about seeing them "in the same light as a straight guy would" makes perfect sense to me. There was a thread in the anonymous section about getting hit on by older guys, and when I read it I was thinking 'I hope I don't turn into one of those men.' In fact, I don't like thinking in terms of 'men', it always sounds far too mature and grown up, which is why I always use the word guys instead, it doesn't sound so bad. Like you, I've never been in a relationship, so I have wondered and hoped if the emotional aspect would 'make up for it.' I'm trying internet dating but a lot of people who are about my age or even just a bit older (early 30s) look and seem so much more mature than I am. I guess coming out quite late doesn't help, as a lot of them have probably already been through a lot, whereas I'm just a beginner. And only just finishing a postgrad course at uni has meant that I've not really had to go out into the 'real world' yet, so I feel younger than I am. I certainly don't feel old enough to stop going out, settle down and get a proper career yet (luckily I look quite young for my age too (still get IDed!), so I may not have too much to worry about yet). I have noticed though that I get on best with people in their mid-20s and I can't relate quite as well to people of around 18 any more though, so hopefully what people have said about your tastes growing with you is true. And I get what you say about women too. In fact most of your post could have been written by me. I have read somewhere that, apparently, most people find that a woman is at her most attractive at around 33. Don't know if that's of any relevance.
When people say "porn isn't real life", they don't just mean "you shouldn't give a blowjob to your mechanic if you can't pay him". It goes beyond that. Porn is a visual (mainly) medium meant to get you aroused. And in the internet age, you have just shy of a trillion sources of porn. That means you can (and do) search for and find something very specific to maximize your enjoyment. And as such, you may end up with very specific parameters for your porn - the guy must be X years old, Y feet tall, with a Z-inch cock, and W amount of hair on him, and and and... All of this because you can. Speaking from experience and anecdotal evidence, this does NOT mean you'll be stuck looking for such a guy in real life. Because, as stated at the outset, porn is not real life. You will start meeting guys who don't fit the criteria you've laid out...who intrigue you anyway. Because they're real-life, three-dimensional people who are interacting with you in ways beyond "looking hot on the other side of a video screen". You'll be not just seeing them doing something sexual in another place, but talking with you. Touching you. Maybe even caring about you. And it's a much more complex thing. Plain sugar might be sweeter than ice cream or cake, but most people don't opt for sugar for dessert - they actually prefer the complexity of more things going on. Lex
You guys have done alot to relieve my angst. I'm especially reassured that there other people I can relate to in this regard. But still, I'm curious.. is it common or at least possible for guys in their 30's or even older to date college-aged guys? (18-22) I'm actually not at all turned off by the idea of dating someone less experienced with life or less knowledgeable, since I sort of relish the notion of inspiring/"moulding" whomever it is I'm dating... (Kind of like how Oscar Wild's aim in dating the 20-year-old University student Boise was in trying to sculpt him into approaching something more wholesome or intelligent) :lol:
Possible? Sure. But relationships like that tend not to be that idealized lover/beloved teacher/student fantasies of Wilde or Greek history. Mainly because you're not going to find too many "innocent/ignorant" gay-and-out college students out there. Chances are your standard gay-and-out college student would have more to teach you than vice-versa. . It's more common for the older guy to be "worldly" in other ways. They tend more towards the "rich guy/plaything" dynamic. And yeah, some 30-somethings/college students might date on more "equal footing", but that's tough to juggle, simply because they're from different "worlds". Lex
It's not unheard of for people to date outside of their age range, and there are guys who are attracted to older men, but it isn't all that common. A lot of men who want to date younger men make the mistake of thinking that if such men don't want to date them because they're older then those men are shallow, while ignoring their own unwillingness to date men of their own age.
