Hello everybody, first of all i'm glad joining to this site and i hope to get some help from you all. Im Gabriel, i'm 16 years old. You'll see i like men since i was 11 or 12, i don't really remember when. When i was in middle school i had a girlfriend, i wasn't serious with her, neither of us care about each other, i was only using her because i was bullied from my other classmates, because i didn't had a girlfriend. But that was that, i didn't even knew what gay ment, since i'm from a very small town, I'd only knew i like man, but i use to say to me: -your not gay, because you don't act like them (now I know it was the mos stupid idea I ever had) or -You must only like men for sex And then i move to a city, and there were I meet the girl who use to be one of my best friend. After a several month she told me she wanted to be my girlfriend, first i reject her, but then i felt like different with her and i confused feelings and she finish being my girlfried. A week later i felt all depressed, but i went out of it and we continue. A few weeks later, i was in chat rooms and i met a guy much older than me, that live in the city, I had a crush for him, but we talked about it and we end being just friends. But until that moment i realized being gay it's not about following stereotypes or only for sex, you really can love a person of your same sex. now i've been trying to accept it, but several thing keep me from not doing it, and make me feel depressed, anxious, etc. I can't get this things out of my head: -i'm afraid to not finding someone who wants to spend his life with me -i'm afraid i can't be a father -i'm afraid my family and friends don't accept me and i get bully all the time -i'm afraid leaving my girlfriend and she wouldn't speck to me never again (obviously i'm not telling her im gay, but i have seen how she treats her exboyfriends) I need some support and advice from all of you, i feel like i don't have anyone to ask for an advice, or at least talk about it seriously, hope someone can help me.
Hey man. There are so many people here who are in the exact place that you are. Hang in there bro and stick around a while and you'll feel more at ease. Welcome There's no rush with this stuff. You are doing perfectly well simply in expressing where you're at. I wish I was able to express myself as well at your age. In time you will have to be open with your girlfriend to some degree. Express what you want, when you want, but don't let anxiety move you forward too fast or stop you from moving forward. At your age, with your degree of thoughtfulness, you will def work this out well. Do you have any adults who you can trust to be open with?
Welcome to Emptyclosets GabrielMex. How long have you been in your current relationship with your girlfriend? Love is love, regardless of your sexual orientation or gender. One) This is a common thought and worry to some. While it may take time and patience, there is someone out there for everyone. I, myself, used to have the same worries as you. Two) You can be a father through surrogacy (link) or adoption, depending on your countries rules. Where are you located? Three) This is another common worry for some. Are your friends and family homophobic? Four) Are you sure there wasn't a reason for her treating her ex boyfriends badly? perhaps they did something while she was dating them, or said something to hurt her feelings. If I were her, I would respect you for being honest with me and telling me the truth, before our relationship became serious. Sometimes in life you have to do things that you're uncomfortable with or nervous about, but know that no matter what, you need to take that step forward in order to move on with your life and be who you are. Life is too short to be anything but happy. I am sorry that I am not much help, but keep posting and I'm sure someone with more experience than I will be able to help you. James
What do you mean with what I want, when i want it? I mean, this is a very awful relationship, i usualy get depressed when i see her. Definitely i wanna give us some time to think about many things, and i can move forward easily, because i feel i'm doing some kind of damage to her, she feels depressed to because I don't call her and little things like that, but I don't do it because i don''t feel like i should. I live in Mexico, i know adoption it's only legal in one state of Mexico and it's very difficult to adopt a child if your a gay couple. I don't know, the only people that i heard talking badly about gay people it's my girlfriend and her friend, and no one else, but that's what I'm affraid of get bullyed Well, in middle the boy she like it was gay, his exboyfriend told all the things they did while they were alone, very intimate things. But what i refere it's that she gets hurt very easily, she get's depressed for weeks, even months Thanks to both of you, for you opinions and advice, the more I hear, the more it helps me to take a good decision
"What do you mean with what I want, when i want it? I mean, this is a very awful relationship, i usualy get depressed when i see her. Definitely i wanna give us some time to think about many things, and i can move forward easily, because i feel i'm doing some kind of damage to her, she feels depressed to because I don't call her and little things like that, but I don't do it because i don''t feel like i should." It sounds like she definitely has depression issues of her own, so as much as she needs the support, if you feel like you're leading her on and hurting her, you may need to break it off sooner than later. And if you are cautious about bullying and her gossipping, you don't have to tell her why you're breaking up with her. This is the time to start working out things for yourself, your gf needs to do the same, but for herself. Do you have any adults who you trust that you can talk with?
Ohh I forgot answer that. No I don't really know any adult to trust, i haven't told my family yet. I don't have a friendship between teachers at my school.
Hi, and welcome! It's terrible, isn't it, that the fact that our sexuality is about love, just like for straight people, is something we have to figure out? If you feel like it's dangerous to come out, you might need to wait until you are able to support yourself and perhaps move to a place where you will feel safer. You should tell your girlfriend that you care about her, but you just really want to be friends. It just isn't working for you. It might be hard for her, and you are right that she might be mad, but it is truly the best thing for both of you. Your first two fears, though, you should put out of your mind. There is no reason you won't be able to find a boyfriend, and when you are older you can choose to live in a place where having children should be possible for you. It will be more difficult than it is for most straight people--you will have to be determined--but it should not be impossible. I'm sorry you don't have anyone you can talk to. Maybe keep your eyes open, and observe the adults in your life to see if any of them might be accepting. It says you are out to a few people--who is that?
Thanks Ianthe It help me a lot see thing the way you see them. Yeah it really is, everyday I keep thinking: why I couldn't be straigth, that way I wouldn't be like this, thinking about so many things, but no one, or at least me, chose to be gay. It's like those thing you know you like it, but you don't know how to explain why you like it. That was exactly the word I was going to use. She deserves someone better, someone that care about, I will always see her like a very beloved friend, but I can't see her like something more, I want what it's best for both of us, and leaving her it's a clear solucion. Well those doubts are upon my family, sometime thay make fun about gay people, I've seen it because i have a lesbian aunt, and I have an uncle that's a catholic pastor, the is the one I fear the most, I don't know how he is going to take it. The people who knows are two of my friends both of them girls, It's very complicated talk about this with them. One of my friends doesn't know about the topic, and has a terrible way of thinking things, she once say I needed to have sex with my girlfriend in order to find out if I was really gay, or she ask me if someone of my family is gay, because she thougth it was hereditary. My other friend, she is one of my best friends, she is totally compresive, and cool with it, she has been very supportive to, but she lives in Dallas, we only chat, I need someone to talk face to face, and gives me a good advice. when my best friend get back from her vacations i'm going to tell her, she's very cool and open mind, we've have been friends since primary school, she might help me.
