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Back at home, back in the closet

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jsoccer009, Jan 5, 2012.

  1. jsoccer009

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Around NYC
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I joined this years ago when in high school and never thought that I would come out ever. Luckily, and somehow, I made it through high school and now I'm in college. Although I didn't come out as soon as I got to college, I did a month later and now I am able to be completely myself and I'm mostly happy aside from other college problems lol :eusa_danc

    However, the problem is when I come back home. I live in upstate new york state where my area is conservative and my parents are too. My parents have no clue about me at all. My siblings are older than me and I told my sister in high school which was a horrible experience and we don't discuss it. My brother also has no clue. I've also lost contact with most of my friends from high school which is somewhat okay with me since they also have no clue and I feel like I can't be myself around them. I hate coming home for long periods of time because I feel like I am back in high school hiding everything instead of being myself at college like I'm used to.

    I get depressed here going around like someone I'm not, but I don't know what to do. I have a job which takes up some time, but there are chunks that I either have to be fake like in high school or where I'm just alone. Then there are the things that happen during break. My boyfriend broke up with me last week and though we weren't dating for that long it still hurts. I haven't really been sleeping or had an appetite and know it's a combination of being home and things happening. My parents have somewhat noticed, but I don't know what to do. I can't tell them and I'm also starting to stress over being here for summer. :tears:

    Thanks for reading any advice would be helpful :help:
     
  2. dairyuu

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Los Angeles. The straight part.
    I was in the same kind of situation (minus the boyfriend) last year. Every single one of my friends knew I was gay, but at home I couldn't talk about it because my parents didn't know yet. I hate to say this, I really do, but there's no way you can get around the closet issue without coming out (and having devoted conservative parents myself, I understand how hard that can be.) I'd personally suggest trying to stay in touch with your college friends as much as possible through Facebook, text, whatever ( to talk about your issues/alleviate stress and boredom). I'm really sorry about the boyfriend thing, breakups can be devastating (not from personal experience, but from friends) and that can have a really bad psychological effect. Try to take things one step at a time. It gets better, I promise.
     
  3. olides84

    Full Member

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    If you are dreading the upcoming summer so much, then like the last poster said, I think you need to begin the process of coming out to your folks (and maybe a select few friends if you want to reconnect). You don't talk about your relationship with them, but there's many a conservative parent who accept their gay kid. If you started the process now, you'd know by the summer whether things will be a lot better there at home, or whether maybe you should rethink that idea.
     
  4. jsmurf

    Full Member

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    I think even in a rural area you can find someone who is in the same boat as you (that's what online networking is for). And coming out to siblings before parents is always a good idea, if your siblings can be trusted.