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Paranoia about contracting HIV

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GymAddict, Jan 5, 2012.

  1. GymAddict

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    Hey guys, I'm new here, and kind of hoping for support or advice I guess.

    I am extremely paranoid and anxious about the possibility of contracting HIV. If I look back on my sexual history, I have never even had an encounter that would fall under the 'high risk' category. . .never had unprotected receptive/insertive anal. I would say I am about as safe as a person can possibly be when it comes to sex (aside from abstaining from it entirely). Yet every sexual encounter tends to send me into this state of worry and fear and anxiety that I somehow contracted it - I don't know if this is a manifestation of some other issue, but it's really becoming an issue.

    I know guys that have a nonchalant attitude towards sex, and have done things far riskier than I ever have, yet they don't show or express any concern about contracting anything, so I don't understand why I, who am so safe, end up worrying obsessively when I have been responsible.
     
  2. Chip

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    Kudos to you for being smart and playing safe. If you're being cautious and using condoms for anal, that's great. Having a conversation with your partner before you're about to have sex about previous partners and history and safer sex is also a great idea.

    The truth is, it's "safer" sex because it's never entirely risk free. But life isn't risk free either, or no one would ever go out of their house :slight_smile: So if you find yourself obsessing over safety, then probably there is something else going on. Maybe some sort of deep-seated anxiety about sex, or some form of guilt or shame ("This is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this and I'll be punished") messages that are playing in your unconsious and manifesting in conscious as anxiety.

    If you find it's distracting you, it's worth having a couple of sessions with a good social worker or psychotherapist (NOT psychiatrist) to explore the issues and what might be going on. But it may also be something you can sort of work through yourself by thinking about it and talking about it in places like this thread :slight_smile:
     
  3. Gerry

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    That's great to hear that you're playing it safe every time you have sex; that's a lot smarter than a lot of people are, trust me. Like Chip said, if you're using protection and playing it safe you're doing the right thing. Also, knowing your partner's past is a huge plus as well. A lot of people have random hook-ups where they know nothing about their partner (sometimes not even their name!) and know nothing about their past.

    If you're playing it safe I think that's all you can do. I suppose there's always a risk when having sex, but if you're doing all you can to prevent it, you're definitely taking the right precautions.
     
  4. DhammaGamer

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    Bottoms have pretty much the exact same liklihood of contracting HIV as sexually active straight women. It's not like straight people are constantly freaking out about it. I think the fear your having is a runnoff from all the homophobic hype when the AIDS epidemic first began. It's much more likely that you will get HIV from shared needle use or unprotected prostitution than safe consensual sex between two responsible adults. Just be safe.
     
  5. insidehappy

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    you basically cloned me. i have the same problem and part of me thinks its a good problem to have and part of me thinks is really debilitating and stands in the way from me getting into a relationship. being safe is good. being paranoid is hard on you and whoever you are with. here's the thing, the reality is stds and hiv do exist and if you do not protect yourself you can contract them. but worrying about every little encounter is not good for your mental health and for the relationship. your partner starts to think he or she is a walking potential disease and this is a turn off for most people. my best advice is to seek counseling for your anxiety and ocd because your fears have roots in both. also, if you meet people that seem to be put off by your concerns or feel like you're taking things way to seriously and dont make you feel comfortable and safe about their sexual history....drop em. if people are nonchalant it's only because they do not care or in their minds certain things are risky and certain things aren't. you have to find someone that either shares your same hypochrondria or someone that understands and is patient with you so that you will be able to establish a level of trust with them so you wont feel like you're getting anything. you can also get tested with your partner so you can feel easier about things, but if i know your paranoia like i think i do, testing will not ease your mind because you will think, "well, maybe they contracted something right before the test and it's not showing up yet..."
     
  6. Zontar

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    Are there any numbers on that? Bottoms are much more vulnerable last I checked.
     
  7. DhammaGamer

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    I meant it as a generalization. Anal sex is riskier than vaginal but not by a significant margin. The "receiving" end is always MUCH more at risk than the the one "giving". Just wear a condom and stay away from sluts.
     
  8. Chip

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    Yes, that's correct. Bottoms have a substantially greater risk of infection then straight women. Otherwise, the infection rate from unprotected vaginal sex would be *much* higher than it is.

    While there are a lot of straight women that become HIV+ from sex (not sure about now, but at one point, black women were the fastest-growing population of new infections), it's still statistically much less risky to have unprotected vaginal sex with a man than it is to have unprotected anal sex with a man. Perhaps KB will have more specifics.
     
  9. GymAddict

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    I really feel like it's getting out of control. I'm getting tested this week because I'm worried that someone might have intentionally infected me. That's crazy, right? People don't go around arbitrarily injecting contaminated blood into people. . .You would know if someone did that, right? Surely you'd feel it?
     
  10. Chip

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    Since you realize that it's getting out of control, I'm going to suggest that you consider seeing a therapist. What you're describing is outside of what a normal concern about HIV infection would be, and if you find yourself obsessing about it, that's likely to affect you in other ways.

    This is something that a good therapist will be able to help you understand and work through, and if you need any additional help, he or she will be able to help you with resources for that as well.

    IF you need help finding a therapist or advice on how to choose one, feel free to PM me.
     
  11. Revan

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    I think you're doing the right thing playing safe, but I concur with Chip, you should maybe see a therapist. I myself can be a bit paranoid, I'm a hypochondriac like you (I think, it sounds a lot like me, I get sniffles and I think i have the flue, I get swollen glands despite not having sex for over a year, and immediately think, oh I must have gotten HIV) though yours sounds a little moreso than mine. I hope you will get a chance to chat with someone, because it could drive you crazy after some point.
     
  12. GymAddict

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    I feel like the only way for me to move on from this is to get tested, and then seek some sort of counseling to get to the root of the issue.

    That being said, I am getting tested tomorrow - and while I know, statistically, and according to accepted routes of transmission, the test should be negative, I am still freaking out, any words to calm me down or reassure me?
     
  13. Chip

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    Other than what we've already said, not much. The chance of your being positive is pretty much zero. So that should calm you down, but I do understand your concern. I got tested a while back for the first time, and even though there was an equally low chance of my testing positive as your situation, I still felt a bit of anxiety as I was waiting for the results (only 10 minutes). It was clearly irrational, but didn't stop me from feeling it a bit, albeit mildly.

    So once you're done with the test, just make sure you follow through and find a therapist to work thorugh the main issue. It would be easy to say "That's a relief and now I'm not worried" but with the level of anxiety you've had, it seems pretty clear that something else is going on that will need attention.

    Please let us know how it goes tomorrow. :slight_smile:
     
  14. GymAddict

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    All right, thought I'd let ya guys know the results came back negative, for which I am extremely thankful.

    I think I am officially celibate until I can get a handle on this, haha.