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Am I a Lesbian??

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Girl096, Jan 6, 2012.

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  1. Girl096

    Girl096 Guest

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    I have only two boy crushes in my life, the first when i was at 9 or 10 (it wasn't really serious..) and the second and the latest one when i was 11-13 year old (it took two years..) And now i am 15, soon 16 and I haven't had a crush on a boy for a year and half..

    I have noticed female celebrities so beautiful for a little while ago and i have so many female celebration crushes. I absolutely adore them. I love their legs, curves, smiles and hair.. They are so beautiful and sexy.. Sometimes when i'm watching TV or surffing internet i find random women very beautiful and nice..

    And when i try to find good-looking guys i don't really find them so attractive as before.. Some are okay-looking but i'm not interest them.. When i see guy celebrations abs they don't turn me on like womens legs and curves..

    When i was little i usually play with the girls but in kindergarten i had a best friend who was a boy. I really enjoyed to play with him but i don't remember what kind of games we play.. except for one which was some racy game and which my other (girl) friends wasn't interested in but i really liked it with this boy. One garden's aunt asked us that are we in love or just best friends and we both answer that just good friends (lol what a strange auntie? haha)

    Once when i was in the girl camp, i caught myself staring at the older girl which i think was so beautiful.. I was confused and embarrassed that why i keep looking at a girl?!.. She just looked at me back a question on her face that why am i gazing at her.. I was by then maybe 10 or 11.

    I changed school about over a year ago and i haven't found any guy attractive from my current school, some are okay-looking and have quite nice personality but i don't think that i could think them that way.. more like friends or something.. I was rather looking some girl who was older than me and i really didn't understand by then that why i felt so good and so nervous at the same time around her.. She moved to high school in last autumn..

    I have only one friend here, we have known each other for nine years, she is my best friend and i really care her alot but only as a friend.

    I have never liked washing or dressing in the same room with other girls because i feel uncomfortable and embarrassed and i don't know why.. And now when i'm considering my sexuality and yesterday i was washing with my best friend i feel so uncomfortable.. I don't even dare to look at her because i was afraid that what I'll think about when i see her naked..

    And now i have drew attention to the one girl in our class which I haven't paid attention to before, and i kinda admire her because she is so brave (while I am so shy) and very kind for everyone. She is also pretty and i have watched her in that way. Whenever she talks to our class and everybody are listening to her and she smiles to everyone also to me, I go crazy and turn my gaze away from her.

    So am i really a lesbian or is this just some "phase" or something what ever it's called.. Or could i be bi?
     
    #1 Girl096, Jan 6, 2012
  2. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    [​IMG]

    Welcome to the forum.
     
    #2 Robert, Jan 6, 2012
  3. Mlpguy88

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    It sounds like you accept the fact that you like woman and that's good, but you seem to be a little uneasy about shutting out the possibility that you could like men. I went through the same thing only the other way around.
    Your only 15 so you should give yourself more time to figure this out, there is no rush. But in all honesty with everything you have said here, my opinion is that you are a lesbian. Be happy with that and the rest will come easier.
     
    #3 Mlpguy88, Jan 6, 2012
  4. silverhalo

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    Hey I agree with the others that from what you have said it sounds like you could be gay, the great thing is that even if you label yourself a lesbian and then some years down the line you fall madly in love with a guy then thats just fine. Stick around EC and we will be able to help you out im sure.
     
    #4 silverhalo, Jan 6, 2012
  5. Ianthe

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    Hi! Welcome to EC.

    You know you like girls. You don't know if you like guys. For now, it would make sense to identify as a lesbian, until there is evidence that you are attracted to men, if that should ever happen.

    You shouldn't presume that you are attracted to men, and look for evidence that you aren't. It's very difficult, and sometimes impossible, to prove that something doesn't exist or couldn't happen. It's like trying to definitively prove that the Easter Bunny doesn't exist. You might be able to show that the eggs scattered all around your house were in fact left by your parents, but you can't show with certainty that there isn't an Easter Bunny anywhere in the world.

    Similarly, it is impossible to prove that there could never be a man you are attracted to. Instead, the burden of proof needs to fall the other way, and you should assume that you aren't unless there is evidence that you are--just as you did for your attraction for women.

    You could be bisexual, but right now there isn't really any evidence for it. Your boy crushes from before may mean something, or not.

    Basically, go with what you know.

    Regarding your friend, just because you are attracted to girls, doesn't mean you are attracted to all girls. Of course there will still be same sex friends you are not attracted to.


    How are you feeling about all this? I know you are confused, are you finding it upsetting?
     
    #5 Ianthe, Jan 6, 2012
  6. Girl096

    Girl096 Guest

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    How are you feeling about all this? I know you are confused, are you finding it upsetting?[/QUOTE]

    Err well a little bit upsetting. This feels good and bad at the same time.. Sometimes i think it feels right what i feel and sometimes so wrong.. And my mom sometimes speaks that she hopes that I'll find nice man in the future and she also says always that she hopes that she could see her grandchildrens and that kind of things.. I felt an injection in my heart that what if i'll can not to fulfill her wishes.. She will be disappointed in me.. but i love kids too and i would like to have kids in the future.. I'm even the a little girl's aunt and a little boy's godmother and i love to take care of them. I will be a bad example model to them if i be a lesbian..
     
    #6 Girl096, Jan 6, 2012
  7. silverhalo

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    Being gay doesnt stop you having children, and I think that deep down your Mum would be far more disappointed if you spent your life hiding who you truly are. Its only natural to feel like this but it wont change your sexuality so try not to think of it.
    Im sure your Mum didnt mean anything by the comments its just a Mum thing to say.
     
    #7 silverhalo, Jan 6, 2012
  8. Ianthe

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    Don't read too much into the "nice man" comments. That's just that she's assuming you are straight, not that she'll have a problem with it if you aren't. And you can definitely have children.

    Do you really believe it's a bad example to the kids to be gay? Why?
     
    #8 Ianthe, Jan 6, 2012
  9. Girl096

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    Do you really believe it's a bad example to the kids to be gay? Why?[/QUOTE]


    Ehh, i don't know.. Maybe because everywhere have said that woman and man are meant to be together, and i don't know if kids don't understand it that two women or two men are together..and i don't know what their parents i mean my brother and her wife think about lesbians.. or especially my mom who always says something ohh is he gay, are those lesbians?? Maybe I shouldn't think about such things because i'm not really sure that i'm totally gay.. Why i wonder such things..
     
    #9 Girl096, Jan 7, 2012
  10. silverhalo

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    People often say things through not really understanding, I mean before I came out my parents probably didn't truly understand, but it doesnt mean that they wont be accepting, and as for your brother and his wife, well you can cross that bridge when you come to it.
    I dont think that it is a problem for 2 girls or 2 guys to bring up children, it just seems weird because its still rather unusual. So many children grow up now in 1 parent households (and im not saying there is any wrong with that) but surely having 2 loving parents can never be a bad thing.

    I think you are worrying unnecessarily about things much further on down the line, its almost like trying to run before you can walk. The most important thing right now, is that you are living and enjoying life, you are only 15 and you have plenty of time to work out your orientation. Having said that I appreciate through experience that it is difficult to just ignore it or work through it whilst you are still unsure. So the only thing you should worry about is trying to work out whether you are attracted soley to men, women or whether you are attracted to both. Once you think you have worked it out then you can start dating and then some years later when you are all settled with a partner be it male or female, then you can worry about children and the like.
     
    #10 silverhalo, Jan 7, 2012
  11. Girl096

    Girl096 Guest

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    Yeah, you're right, thanks to all you. I feel so stupid when i'm writing such things and i'm laughing here aloud because i have written so many spelling mistakes because i wrote them in a hurry at least the previous message...anyway thanks you all, i hope that things will become clearer to me some day.. :lol:
     
    #11 Girl096, Jan 7, 2012
  12. silverhalo

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    Dont feel stupid for the things you write, I know when I was questioning I wrote lots of thing which if I look at now I would think they were stupid. There is a saying which I always think rings true, which is 'better to ask the question and look stupid, than to not ask and forever be stupid.'
     
    #12 silverhalo, Jan 7, 2012
  13. Girl096

    Girl096 Guest

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    Err, i would like to ask just one more thing that should i tell my feelings towards women to somebody? I mean i would really like to tell to my best friend that i like girls or even that i'm not sure about my sexuality and i'm confused.. Because it would really make me feel better because i'm confused thinking such things just myself.. And how i could tell her? I really don't know how she'll take it.. I mean she probably thinks that i'm straight because i even myself always thought it..
    And she always shows me a lot of pictures of her men idols and i'm always answering to them that yeah he is cute or hot or something like that when sometimes i don't even mean it and sometimes i get really bored.. And i'm like the opposite of her, i show to her pictures of my women idols and i'm really excited about them and i would like to say to her how beautiful or sexy they are in my opion but i'm just saying that she is pretty and praise her clothes or i say something funny about them.
    And i'm just feeling that she sometimes thinks same way as i when i'm watching her idol pictures.. She usually answers yeah or something like that and sometimes she says lol or just ignore them.. Sometimes i'm just wondering that is she ever wondering why i'm into women celebrities and not men..
    Sometimes I also lied to her that I have some boy crushes while i'm not feeling nothing toward them. I lied because i just thought that she'll wonder why i don't like anybody and in that time i wondered it too and i was worried about it.. because i didn't know yet then that i'm attracted to girls..
    So should i just tell her (and how) or should i just keep it for my own knowledge..
     
    #13 Girl096, Jan 7, 2012
  14. ESevee

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    It seems that you may very well be gay but don't jump to conclusions just yet your still young. If your not sure give it time in enjoy life a little it. Maybe try to find a gf because you are at least bi that's for sure. Really that's going to be the game changer here
     
    #14 ESevee, Jan 7, 2012
  15. Ianthe

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    Do you trust her? Is she homophobic?

    If you have no reason NOT to tell her, it would be a good idea to tell her.

    If she asks why you said you liked certain guys and stuff like that, just explain that it was what you wanted to be true, even though it wasn't. You were confused and in denial before, and you weren't lying to her as much as to yourself.

    If you don't have feelings for her, you might want to tell her about a crush you have on someone else: that way, you won't worry as much about her thinking you like her or something.

    It usually makes a big difference, even just having one person who knows and accepts you. So, if you can, it's a good idea to come out to someone.
     
    #15 Ianthe, Jan 7, 2012
  16. silverhalo

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    I think if you want to do it and it feels right then it will probably be a good thing to do.
    You can just tell her you are questioning and not sure.
     
    #16 silverhalo, Jan 7, 2012
  17. Girl096

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    Okay thank you :slight_smile: Maybe someday I could tell her when i get a good opportunity to it.. i'm just a little nervous.. but i guess it's normal.. I don't think she's homophobic and i can trust her with all my heart :icon_wink
     
    #17 Girl096, Jan 8, 2012
  18. silverhalo

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    It is definitely normal to be nervous, it can be difficult, especially when you tell the first few people but as you say you trust her 100% and she isnt homophobic. I am sure (at least if you are like me) that you will have lots of worst case scenarios that run through your head but I can promise you that it is pretty much the case that the majority of coming outs are positive and can lift a weight from your mind. Just see how you feel.
     
    #18 silverhalo, Jan 8, 2012
  19. Girl096

    Girl096 Guest

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    I told my best friend about it and she took it very well. And i was so surprised when she said that she have similar feelings and have crush on one girl in our school who is bi-sexual. She said that she thinks that she is bi-sexual too and now she has crush on a boy and a girl.

    I'm really happy and i feel so much better now when i told her and that i'm not the only one who go through those feelings.. But she hadn't so many crushes or attractions on girls than i have and i'm wondering if she only said that to me that i won't feel bad or something.. I would never have realized that she would be bi.. And i'm wondering how she is so sure about it and i'm really confused because i don't know if i'm bi-sexual or lesbian.. And i guess that my crush is a straight girl.. :icon_sad: I thought about her all day.. and now i have butterflies in my stomach.. I feel so good right now :icon_wink
     
    #19 Girl096, Jan 13, 2012
  20. Mercy

    Mercy Guest

    awh
     
    #20 Mercy, Jan 13, 2012
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