I cried myself to sleep again last night… I think it’s probably going to happen again tonight… Im at such a loss of what to do… I DO NOT miss my soon to be ex husband, but I miss having someone there… I’m so sick of being alone. I thought starting classes again might help, since I have classes on campus, but it made it worse. Seeing couples holding hands. Friends in small groups together… It made me feel even more alone… I hate this… I hate being so alone… I hate feeling like a speck of dust just annoying the rest of the world… especially my family… I feel like when I’m not around they talk about what a disappointment and failure I am… What a burden I am… how much they wish I was different. Will I ever be good enough for them? Probably not… How am I supposed to keep a smile and keep going for 2 more years? I don’t think I can… I’ll go crazy first… I’m already almost there… I’m getting daily headaches… this is not where I envisioned my life at my age… I’m tired of feeling fat, of my mother telling me I need to diet, I need to lose weight, I need to wear make-up… I need to grow my hair back out… “You would be so pretty if you would just –insert one of the above here-” Who says that? Why cant you just say “You look nice” or something small like that? I want to cut again so bad, but I won’t… I can’t…. I owe that to my daughter… I’m supposed to be standing up for myself, focusing on myself, setting boundaries for how other treat me, and making myself a priority… therapists’ orders.… but, I just can’t find the strength… I’m so lost…. I’m so stuck… I’m not sure I’ll ever get better…
(*hug*) i really wish i could give you a real hug. i know what it is to be alone and it's not forever. i also know what it is to believe that i'm not good enough, and it's not true for any of us. it's time we start drop kicking all these lies that we take from outside in. there is only ONE of you and that is what makes you beautiful. hmmm, i really think i'm talking to myself right now too (*hug*)
This. Its not forever. Stay strong. Just think of all the things you won't accomplish if you give up. You've got to keep trying for you and your daughter. I'm sure it seems like a lot right now but you're definately going on the right path and it will lead you to great places. You can get past all this mess I know you can. You've gotten this far already, things will get better with time. we're here for you <3 (*hug*)
I would love nothing more then to give you a giant hug right about now! Everyone needs a hug every once in awhile...Things are hard right now but I hope you know that they will one day get better. You seem like a really great person, strong and caring. I know its hard to believe those things when your always told the exact opposite. I know I'm no one to you and we've never talked before, but I've read your posts and I just thought you should know that I'm always available to talk if you need someone.
I just looked through your pictures and, oh my goodness, you're so pretty!! Also: (*hug*) I really hope things start to get better for you soon. Sorry I'm a bit crap at advice, but listen to the others, they are telling the truth.
I know we've never talked before, but I've seen you around here a lot, and I must say you seem like a wonderful person. I also agree that you are very pretty. Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you are not. I have people telling me all of the time that I'm not "pretty" enough to fit their standards, but you know what? Who wants to live their life by someone else's preferences? You'll never please anyone that way, including yourself. I am on a first-name-basis with these feelings you're having, and trust me, they're all lies. You might as well pitch them, because they're doing you no good. You are not alone, you just feel like you are because you're losing someone that you're used to having around. I wish I could give you a hug, honestly. You have a daughter, and you have to be there for her. You have her, and she has you. I'm sure there are other people in your life that care about you and that will show you that you are not alone. That's what friends are for, after all. And of course you have EC as well. I know it's hard, but you have to remember that it is definitely worth it. If for right now it's too hard to do it for yourself, then do it for your daughter. You can't give in to these horrible feelings because they are not true, and the only thing they are doing is breaking you down. You're your own person, and you can't fall victim to what other people think you should be. I wish you lots of luck and love in the future.
Thanks guys.... **hugs all around** I try to feel better about myself, but i just cant help thinking others talk badly about me when im not around... i even think about people on here being like "Uuuuuug! Not again MommaFrog noone cares!"
