Something hilarious always happens to me which I call "the friend zone." It's like that spot where girls have if you know she goes there in her mind "just friends" - call it quits. Same thing here, once I get to know a guy for a long time without anything behind it - comically he stops being cute or sexually alluring to me and becomes labeled "just friends." Basically means, with guys I really can't go from friends to something more. That dynamic has to be there for me or it'll just seem... platonic. Should note that I'm bi, this only happens with guys too.... unsure what causes this... anyone else like this?
Personally I could never date someone who I had been close friends with first. Like you said, the whole platonic love thing, it feels creepy they're like family. Gender isn't part of the equation in my mind, it's just anybody who you are close friends with first is off limits, but that might just be me. Maybe you're particularly protective of your male relationships, because they're somehow more treasured by you.
Personally, I could never be romantic with someone I wasn't friends with first. I realize this is opposite from the norm, but the way I see it, is I need to know I can trust someone as a friend before I would even consider dating them. The only serious relationship I've ever had, I was best friends with for 2ish years before we were official. We dated for a bit over a year, and it was amazing. We split when things ran its course, but that's unrelated.
I prefer at least some level of friendship. Like, I'm really uncomfortable just dating or even flirting with people I just met. Actually, I'm pretty uncomfortable even talking to someone I just met, I'm pretty shy. My friends who've been my friends forever, since high school, I don't think I could have feelings for. That would be weird. More recent friends I could though. I'm not sure if it's really the length of the friendship, or just that I knew them when we were kids, really. I think they feel more like siblings because of that. IanGallagher, have you been in a situation where I guy friend of yours wanted to be something more? If your guy friends are mostly straight guys, it would make sense for you to move them into "the friend zone" as a way to protect yourself emotionally. It might be some kind of psychological defense mechanism.
Could be leaning too (kinsey 2), but then again everything you said I definitely agree with. Take my best friend for example - he was one of the popular kids, girls wanted him, guys felt jealous of him. Yet all I felt was friendship and brotherhood towards him. I've known him since we were five. That's never happened. They're all 100% straight. Except for one dude which I don't know what he is... I guess that theory could make sense for two guys I met more recently then moved into the friend zone unconsciously. Started having a crush on them or just thought they were cool (?). Knew nothing was going to happen. Thus I just became friends and talk girls with them lol. Oddly/comically that doesn't bother me since I also like girls and they're perfect wing men. One looks a lot like Hayden Christensen. There also seems to be like a period of time and then it passes into being platonic.
Well, you definitely don't have any real motivation to want to move them back out of the friend zone, then. I mean, it's just as well. Things may or may not shift if any of them were ever interested in you. Since it's never happened, it's hard to really know how you would feel. It could be that if it was someone you had been attracted to, those feelings would come back if they were returned. Your female friends are straight girls, as well, right? So there is an idea that they could possibly be interested in you, even if the situation isn't right for you to be dating them. Even if you have an idea that they aren't interested, it still seems at least remotely possible that they could be, sometime. That could account for the difference in your response to them as opposed to guys.
sounsd like you like the thrill of finding the guys and the chase and then one you have them you're over it.
That is also very likely...not related to friend zone, but another 'peculiarity' that sometimes happens. My chemistry's all over the place lol. ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2012 at 11:32 PM ---------- I should note that chase thing would be both in guys and girls though and probably has more to do with complicated adoptee issues than sexual chemistry, lol, all the while - it is amusing.
I need to know someone before I start to like them, although they don't have to be friends. With straight guys (and with girls), I 'label' them as non-sexual people - as in, anything we do will be non-sexual. However, with gay guys and girls, I also keep in the back of my mind that things could get sexual at one point or another. But no, friendship prior to me doesn't really matter. However, if they've been best friends, while I could bring myself to being romantic, I'd freak at the thought of screwing them. However, the "friend zone" with women is annoying, it's the reason why I'll be single all year this year. >.<
