This will be a rant, my apologizes. My parents outed me as gay a few weeks ago. It was the opposite of how I wanted to come out. No part of the situation was under my control. I felt helpless and scared. The first few days were rough. I couldn't even look at them. I ate dinner in silence and then would go to my room. I would just sit there and cry. It sounds pathetic but I was an emotional mess. My life was rapidly crumbling. On top of being forced out of the closet, school wasn't going well. I've always been an A student and last semester I wa 1st in my class. This semester my grades are all below average. Ive lost some friends because I just lost interest in life. I've been suicidal for years. I've always been depressed but recently its getting worse. I'm overweight and not very attractive. Everywhere I look I see attractive people together. I get these crushing feelings that I will never have a relationship. I want to be attractive but I'm just not. I've accepted that but I get lost in the thoughts of what I will never have. It feels like I can't breath when my emotions start coursing. After my parents found that I was gay my family life deteriorated. I just don't feel comfortable at home. I've considered trying to move in with a friend but in reality that will never happen. My parents found gay porn on my computer. They don't trust me now. They don't let me alone in my room without knocking every five minutes. If I'm up late they come up and make sure I'm not looking at porn. This really hurts because I know they don't trust me. They bought a special internet router to block site and today they bought software for the same reason. I'm scared that sites like this will be blocked. They don't want me on here because they think I need real people to talk to. People they know who can tell them what I say. So that whole situation has me in an even deeper depression. Another big thing has happened in my life. I started going out with this girl who I had been friends with for a long time. She had never been a close friend until this year though. She had gotten kicked out of a cliche and came to me and my friends. They all hate her. I really loved her. But I found that she was a liar. She told me things like her brother was in a car accident, that she was dying, that she cut herself. She made up another brother and told me she killed him accidentally when they were kids and she has had to live with that guilt all her life. I didn't realize these were all lies till a week or so ago. I found her phone in my car and uncharacteristic of me, looked at her messages. There was one to her best friend saying I was fat and ugly but had money. That hurt. Badly. I confronted her and she lied more. At this point I realized that I may have also been using her as a facade to hide my sexuality. So I broke it off with her. I had also met a guy online. I really feel in love with him and we connected so so well. I was ready for a relationship but he wasn't. He told me he loved me but later proceeded to announce he was straight. I support his decision totally and am still his friend but it hurt more than I thought anything ever could. So basically, I'm suffocating. I don't know how to explain what a tempest of emotion is raging inside of me. I've been feeling more and more suicidal and stressed. I've lost almost 40 pounds and a lot of hair over the last few months because I can't handle everything going on around me. There is more but you have read enough. Thanks to all the crazy people who actually read this! I'm sorry its so long but I needed to get that out. Any advice or encouragement would be much appreciated. Thank you all
Woah woah woah, as a health fanatic I will tell you where to start improving your life. First of all, eat!! If you're losing that much weight and HAIR, you are not well nourished. Start taking a vitamin daily, eat three meals, and go for a walk. Nothing crazy, just a mile or so. The exercise and endorphines will give you a new power over your life. Control over your body is where you need to start if you intend to make your life better. No, being properly nourished won't change your parents minds about you. No, it won't get you a boyfriend/girlfriend. No, it will not change your past. But taking care of your physical state is key in protecting a sound mental/emotional state. Take my word for it, you will be surprised at what kind of power this really is.
You especially shouldn't exercise if you're not eating right :/. I weigh 145 and I eat literally everything I see. I exercise every day too. The only time I'm not happy is when I think about societal brainwashing, thinsporation, and creepy clowns.
I'm agreeing with summersforecast here, you can't possibly reach a healthy mental and emotional state when you're physically ill. Ever heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs? It basically explains that without the most basic materials for survival (food, water et cetera), you can't perform mentally, and if you can't perform mentally then you can't be fulfilled emotionally, and if you aren't emotionally stable then you can't have self-confidence... see the pattern? Even if you aren't hungry, try and eat. Force yourself to. If you need to start out small, then do so- just build your way up to a normal diet. Then it's okay to start working on your emotional issues.
well your lucky! i tried for years to lose weight and couldnt and now is just like boom! i'll take what i can get. i was 194 at the beginning of school and im 149 now! makes me happy!
