ive never quite understood this

I think that a friend is whatever you feel a friend is. Some people have different oppinions and values.

 

This - for me it is someone who takes an interest and genuinely cares for you.. it is not about distance or even regular contact with people that makes them a good friend.. Some of my best friends are the ones I see the least.. but when I am really lost and need somewhere to turn they have a listening ear.

 

THIS

Just having someone that just understands it. Someone that doesn't do anything and still makes you happy at the same time. There are so many qualities; but you just know.

 

A friend is someone you care about, who also cares about you.

It is not at all about whether you see them only at school or hang out with them in other circumstances. It is about emotional closeness and bonding.

If someone is upset that you don't think of them as a friend, it's because they care about you, and you apparently don't care about them. It makes them sad. They don't understand why you don't like them or feel as close to them as they do to you. They feel rejected.

Why don't you want to be friends with the people from school?

 

For the definition part, pretty much the above. The part about you unintentionally offending some people by saying you're not friends with them, you could say instead "Yeah we're friends. But we're not that close." to smooth out the rough edges. Just make sure that you're not overlooking the possibility that the other person sincerely wants to be friends with you.

 

I can't give you any advice, partly because I am awful at giving advice but mostly because I'm in the same situation as you.

I've never really had anybody I could legitimately call a friend. Everyone I have had contact with over the last 7 years or so has essentially been just an acquaintance of convenience because we happen to be doing the same class at the same time. As soon as we part ways at the end of the day it may as well be that I never knew them at all. When we are actually together then we get on perfectly fine, but afterwards you may as well just forget it.

There have been some occasions where I have been contacted by them outside of class, but every time they just wanted to exploit me for help with something. And that's not to say that I haven't attempted contact them, because I have, and in all but a very few cases I just get fobbed off and feel like I'm being a nuisance. I can literally count maybe 2, possibly 3 times when I have been contacted and they didn't want to just get me to do something for them.

There is one friend that I've had since I was about 5 years old, and we do keep in contact a couple of times a week, but that's the only exception. So I suppose there is one person I can call a friend.


My post is completely useless for helping you, but you aren't the only one in this situation.

 

My three best friends are all people I met in high school, and I have other friends from high school still as well. I am now 32 years old. Many people make lifelong friends in high school. The first people I came out to were friends from high school, even though I was nearly 30 at the time.

By high school, most people have reached a stage of development that enables them to keep in touch with people, if that is something you both want.

Going off to college and forgetting about everyone in high school will only happen if that is what you want to happen. If you and they choose, you can maintain friendships with them indefinitely.

(Somewhat less relevantly, it is false to assume that everyone is going to college. Some people don't. Some people join the military, or decide to go to trade school and become plumbers, or other things like that, which are perfectly valid choices and not something they should be made to feel bad about by everybody acting like college is the only thing one can do after high school.)

 

For me, I draw the line mainly at "people I'll make an effort for to keep in touch". As opposed to acquaintances, which are just people I don't mind spending time with.

In my experience, though, calling someone "friend" in highschool really just meant you thought hanging out with them was fun (while refusing to call someone "friend" back if they called you a friend first was tantamount to saying you didn't like them around). So, that highschool definition is closer to what I'd call an acquaintance. I'd still call most of my highschool classmates "friend" to their faces out of general politeness, though.



You shouldn't see people not contacting you as "being forgotten", though. Nor is it necessarily an issue if you don't care to keep in touch with most people you meet along the way. It's just tough to make real friends in highschool. You're just people who happen to be forced to sit in a room together everyday because you're the same age and from the same area. the older you are, the more control you get about which people you associate with, so it gets easier to find people with common interests and dispositions to have true friendships with.

Actually, while I did pick up some friends in highschool, at the same time, I made more friends in judo practice, as those were people who were into the same thing and thus infinitely more likely to clock with me. you might actually want to look into picking up a hobby or other extracurricular activity. It's a good way to do something you enjoy, and meet people who like the same things as you!

 

A friend is someone who you get on with well and someone you want to see on a regular basis, there the people that stick around when your having a rough time and the people that you have the best of times with, it is a relationship with someone that works both ways.

 

For me, everyone I have positive emotions for is a friend. Then again I'm pretty weird, basically anyone who isn't an enemy is a friend by my standards. So don't hesitate to call people your friends they seem to take it only ever as a compliment, so what's the harm?