Like to take some time to waffle on about last night. I was out with my uni sports club at the union celebrating. I spent most of the night talking to a friend (lets call her Sarah) just chatting about stuff. As the night went on she started resting her head against mine and we kinda stayed like that for ages. I think she was clearly looking for something more than friendship. At the time i was a little further gone than her and i kinda felt awkward but i did try and get the words to teller that i was gay but i thought that would make her feel stupid/rejected so i didn't bother. Plus i'm still nervous about coming out. Eventually we joined the main group who had moved away some time ago leaving us. I grabbed a friend of mine that knows and asked for a word. I asked her if it looked the same to her as it felt to me and she agreed that she was coming onto me. She said don't worry about it and just tell her if you need to. She also thinks i should be less ashamed and come out to the club, which a would if it wasn't for a certain two people. Thing is i feel really bad about not telling her. The whole club was aware of us and she might be embarrassed. I also feel very fustrated, 'sarah' is one of the nicest people i've ever met, i love everthing about her. I just don't think i could ever find her sexually attractive and to be honnest this just annoys me because i would love to go out with her but i'm probably unable to feel that way about girls. Since coming to uni i'm increasingly finding that i make meaningfull realtionships with girls. I've had thoughts going through my head the whole day 'sucks that i'm gay i want a meaningful realtionship with a girl and to find her sexy' and 'maybe i'm confused and really straight'. Any thoughts. (sorry for the essay there)
how do you think this one girl would react, besides from being bummed that you don't like her? you don't have to tell the whole club if you don't want to. but, consider how much the other person's reaction will affect you, and how they will probably react. do it for yourself. not for anyone else.
This is the worse part about being in the closet. And although the right thing would be to tell her. I always find myself purposefully making myself unattractive to that girl...and trust me it only hurts you more inside....the lying thing, eh? And another strategy is to set her up with another guy....I've done that one too....Still pretty crappy when she see's you over her b/f... The best thing is honestly to just tell her. Like Biisme said don't let the whole club know, but make sure she knows before things get out of hand. If she knows your gay, then it's better for her then to think, "God? Why wont he hit on me back. Am I ugly --CHOO CHOO insecurity train--...etc etc etc" You can try the bad things that I have done, or you can just come out to her. Good luck.
I've been in your situation, only in my case it went on for months as I was too scared to come out, and all our friends were pushing us together and were pissed off at me for not doing anything. Basically InARut's right you have to tell her. When I came out to the girl she was so relieved as she didn't know why I didn't like her. As for you getting confused, it's normal I hope. Once you accept yourself those uncertainties will fade away.
If you tell her everything that you told us, she will be fine. In fact, you may go on to have an amazing friendship with her.
yh I think you're right Becky (insightful as ever) just might have the innitial embarrassement of letting her know, probs more for her than me. Hopefully then our friendship will continue, i had absolutely no idea she would think of me in that way till that actual night. In fact i'm sure someone has probably told her by now already. I am only out to three people in the club and would have no problems with the others knowing. They have probs figured anyways. Like Inarut was saying people might try and push us together so coming out might be necessary.
