I'm in year 12 at college, and I'm presenting male. I'm actually going stealth, which was made possible since I just moved back here from spain, and no one knew me. I look male, and although I have voice issues since I haven't quite got hormones yet, if I don't talk too loud I'm okay. I want to come out as pansexual. I know I've asked about how to do that before, and chickened out. I've almost said it, but felt too awkward to actually say it. Also, I worry about how people would react. I've not really got any friends, just people I kind of hang with, and I don't talk much to any of the gay people in my school. So, what can I say that won't be awkward, and how do I stop from chickening out? Lastly, should I say bisexual or pansexual? and if I end up having to explain pansexuality, I'll have to mention transsexuals, and that might be too weird for people.
I might be missing something, maybe from a previous post or something, or I'm not fully understanding the two terms, but why do you have to explain transsexuals if you're explaining pansexuality? The way I'm seeing it is with two separate issues (gender identity vs. I like people for people, regardless of gender). Otherwise, unless I have the idea of pansexuality wrong, I'd honestly just explain it like that. 'I like people for themselves, gender (or I guess 'sex' is more appropriate?) doesn't matter to me.' The more complicated you make it, the more confused faces you'll get. And if you get someone really interested, then by all means sit down and chat about it. I mean, I'm sure that after all your identity searching you came up with the realization you're pan because well, how could it be any simpler, you don't care about dating a male/female, just a person. Why make it more complicated to tell someone else?
They won't understand it unless I produce a reason they can understand for why its different to bisexuality. And I certainly can't try the 'I love people, not sexes' thing on them.
I think that defining the distinction between bisexual and pansexual as having exclusively to do with attraction to transpersons is a misunderstanding of both orientations. Plenty of bisexual people are attracted to transpersons. Bisexual men in particular are usually fairly attracted to transwomen. I think the thing that makes a person "pansexual" is that they do not make any distinction whatsoever when it comes to such things as gender or sex in regards to their personal sexuality. So while a bisexual man might think "that t-girl is hot", the pansexual would think "that person is hot". You know what I mean? You don't have to include attraction to transpersons in your definition of your sexuality at all. Just explain that it doesnt matter who or what a person is, you are attracted to people on a person-by-person basis.
I'm sure many people have different ideas about how to define pansexuality. Personally, I just see it as acknowledging that there isn't a gender binary, but a spectrum. Someone who is bi may (or may not, depending on their preferences) date someone who is MTF or FTM trans that identifies as fully male or fully female. They may or may not also date someone who is genderqueer/androgynous/etc. For me, when I say that I'm pansexual, I'm not saying that I don't notice gender; I'm saying that I'm open to dating people who don't fall within the gender binary that the term bisexual implies, because there are more than two genders. OP, if you're going to come out as pansexual, you're going to have to explain what it means, and specifically, what it means to you since there is no solid definition of pansexuality. If, for you, that includes mentioning transgender people, then you'll have to mention that. If you read what pansexuality means to me, you could say something like that, which doesn't involve directly mentioning trans people. Make sure they understand the differences between sex and gender, if they don't already. If it's not so much important that they know your exact label, as opposed to just being aware that you're not straight, I'd just stick to saying you're bisexual. It would be a lot easier to explain, and if they react well, you can maybe tell them you're pansexual in the future, if you'd like. And if you're worried about your definition of pansexual outing you as trans, I doubt it would since you consistently pass as male.
DhammaGamer: I don't see pansexual as having exclusively to do with transpeople, but I'd say by the nature of straight cis-gendered people, thats the only way they'll be able to understand it, for the most part. I feel fairly sure that to make my orientation sound credible, I'll have to mention transpeople. I understand the non-gender binary, but they won't. electrolicious: I think I will stick with bisexual. I just don't know how to say it. Should I just use fb?
I think it's fine to say bisexual. Since the word "bisexual" has a long-standing history of being used by exactly the sort of people who have, in some cases, recently started identifying as pansexual, the term can be understood as inclusive of your identity. Say bisexual for everyday, and pansexual when you get into detail about it with someone, because it's a little more specific than bisexual. Most of the bisexuals I have known like people regardless of gender, including people who don't fall in the gender binary. The word has been used this way for a long time. Some of them get pretty offended by the suggestion that bisexuals are not open to dating trans people. It really doesn't matter that the prefix "bi" means two. Many words have origins that are different from current or popular usage.
