First off - :smilewave: I'm new here I've been lurking for a bit and this seems like a safe, supportive place so I decided to come out of lurkdom, lol. I've been going through a lot of self exploration and realization lately, and I think I'm gay. In the past, I've been with both men and women physically, but have only been in relationships with men. I never really thought too much about it, and just sort of assumed that I was straight, or maybe bi. I only fooled around with girls when I was drunk afterall. I also have a daughter, which lends to everyone's (and my own) assumption that I'm straight. My relationship with her father ended badly about 2 years ago, and I haven't been with a man since. A few months ago, I started innocently flirting with a girl who works at the coffee shop I go to, and that led to a date, which led to my first (sober) kiss with a girl. It felt... like home. I never even knew anything could feel that way. I still don't know how to put words to it. We've been dating for a bit now, and I think I'm falling in love with her. I had no idea it could be like this. Just had no clue. I'm still completely baffled by all of it. So now the problem is telling people, and deciding for myself "what" I am. Everyone thinks I'm straight as an arrow, was maybe a bit experimental in my college days, but who doesn't experiment in college? Have I always been gay and just didn't know it? Maybe I'm really bi? I'm still physically attracted to men from time to time, but now I'm wondering if I was ever really emotionally attracted to them in the first place. All my relationships with men have failed miserably. I've confided some of this in an old friend who is openly gay, and we've talked a bit about assumed heterosexuality - as in, it's all I see around me, it's all I have experience with, so it must be what I am. But having exposure to another option kind of changes everything. I guess I don't really need a label, but I do feel sort of confused, and unsure what to tell people. A few close friends know about my girlfriend, any only one had a strong reaction - she said I'm just pissed about what happened with my daughter's father and have turned into a man-hater because of it. Pretty sure that's totally inaccurate. I'm not really too worried about a backlash, but I don't really know how to broach the subject either. "So hey, I'm dating this person who I really like, maybe love, and um, she's a girl by the way." Or what? Anyway, sorry for the rambling novel of a first post...it helped to put it all out there though. Thanks for reading
Welcome to EC! >>>So now the problem is telling people, and deciding for myself "what" I am. You're a woman in love with this other woman. Whatever label(s) you wish to put on that, or reject outright, are up to you. If someone says "I thought you were straight", you can just say "Yeah, I kinda thought that, too." Lex
Obviously as always Lex is totally right. I would say it is up to you whether you tell people individually or just kind of announce it or casually slip it into conversation, but as to whether you call yourself gay or bi or just say that currently you are dating a woman, just do whatever feels right, you can always change it at a later date.
I would say lex and silverhalo is right on this. There is really no need for a label. I did tell anyone that I was gay until I knew 100% of who I was. I lived in the south almost all my life so it was hard to accept who I was. But know that I have and started to come out to people life has gotten so much better. Best of luck with what ever you do and know we are here for you if you need us.
