My dad and I have never been close. Hell, we've never really even been able to understand each other because he and I think, speak, and even act quite differently. I couldn't wait until we weren't living in the same house because it was always tense between us. My parents are going through a divorce and I'm living with my mom because I'm closer with her. This is a better fit for me than living with my dad but he still wants me to visit him. Our lack of a relationship has made it uncomfortable to visit him and the strangeness of the situation (the divorce) hasn't helped. I was thinking about why I am so angry that he wants me to visit him and I came to this conclusion: I feel very strongly that he has already taken a lot from me and I don't think that I should have to give him anything else - including my time. (To be clear my parents' divorce has created an interesting situation but it hasn't had much impact on the way I feel about my father.) My conclusion has come at a bad time because his birthday is this weekend and I've already said that I'd go. I've been dreading it ever since I learned about it and now I don't know how I'm going to be able to sit through it without getting upset. I also don't know how I'll be able to visit him when it's not a special occasion. I'm not really sure what to do about my insight into how I feel. It's common for me to have insight and have no idea how to use it. It's frustrating. I think that I'm more looking for support than advice. Sometimes it just helps to get my thoughts and feelings out so that I can talk my way through finding a solution. (I hope that makes sense.) Thank you to anyone who has read this. It means a lot to be "heard".
I don't understand, do you actually have something against your father? If not, just visit him. He might have failed as a father, not being close enough to you, but he obviously cares about you. I think it's possible to sort of 'fix' the relationship.
I'm sorry that your going through this(*hug*) I can't give you the best advice because I have a good relationship with my parents. But I do know what it's like to cut people out of your life, and it really hurts. This is all your decision, you know him better than I do, but after going through a divorce he may have reevaluated some of his life decisions and might be trying to build a better relationship with you now. People can change. Again this is just one man's opinion, and it's completely up to you.
Thank you to both of you. (*hug*) I do have something against my father. For one, he rarely seems to stop and think about how his actions may affect other people. He's always given me the impression that he was at the center of his universe. Both these things come across as very selfish and I don't like it. For another, my teenage years consisted of constant fighting or tension between the two of us. Those fights were never resolved because my dad is not the kind of man who apologizes or likes to acknowledge the possibility that he did something wrong. I don't know how to be at peace with that unless apologies are exchanged. We haven't fought like that in a long time and he seems to see it as a sign that we're on good terms. On the other hand, I am trying my hardest to not fight with him and am constantly worried about a fight breaking out. Maybe he did reevaluate aspects of his life because of the divorce. The problem is that if he's reevaluated things and made changes I need space to understand and accept those changes. He's never been good at giving people space and if I try to do something I need to do for me that he doesn't like he tends to send me on a guilt trip. After all those years of fighting, I tried to have a relationship with him but he didn't want to hear me. I took that as a sign that he wasn't ready to try to have a relationship and I tried to be patient. Now I'm the one who isn't ready and it feels like he's forcing it on me. I know that cutting people out of your life is difficult which is why I'm trying to figure out where I want to go from here. I'm thinking that at the very least I need some space from him for a while. How that will work out I'm not sure :/
