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Is it okay to joke about breaking up?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by bucketheads, Jan 10, 2012.

  1. bucketheads

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    At times, my boyfriend will joke about breaking up with me with things like "I need time to think about us" or "I'm leaving you." I usually don't realize that it's a joke and my first thought is always about what I did wrong, causing me to worry. He tries to reassure me by saying "I'm just teasing you", but I feel as though this behavior is inappropriate, considering how we have only been exclusive for two months. One thing to note is that this is always through text message and never in person.

    On the contrary however, I think he jokes around about it because from what I assume, he feel secure enough about our relationship to play around. He is one to poke fun at others.

    Sadly though, it's causing me to doubt my relationship with him. I don't think he understands how easy it is to misinterpret text, but I don't know how to tell him to stop without coming off as clingy and/or desperate.

    How should I go about this?
     
  2. Charni

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    This is NOT ok. Breaking up jokes are cruel, and not needed. If you just say "Can you please stop joking about breaking up? I really don't like it." you shouldn't sound clingy. And relationships rely on mutual communication. If you don't tell him about problems in the relationship, he won't know and they will keep getting worse.
     
  3. midwestgirl89

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    I don't think it's ok, honestly. I've been in this situation so I know it's hard on you. He isn't treating you with respect when he jokes in that way. It's not okay to play emotional games with someone you are in a relationship with.

    I would talk to him and express that you don't like when he jokes about breaking up. Good communication might fix this. He may not realize it bothers you so much. If you ask him to stop and he stops, that's great. If he doesn't stop, you might want to consider where the relationship is going and if you feel like this is a good relat. for you.

    If you have a conversation and he continues to make cruel jokes, I think it would be verging on emotional abuse. Stand up for how you feel right now and see how he takes it. He may be completely oblivious to the hurtfulness of his jokes but you should let him know so he can change and stop using the jokes.
     
  4. Jerseyboy

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    Definitely express how you feel regarding all the "jokes" because its not going to go away on it's own. Plus you're really not going to sound clingy, just emotionally invested in your relationship, something that's completely normal and healthy in any serious relationship.
     
  5. Hana Solo

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    ^^
    What the above posters said.
     
  6. jihoon

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    Hi guys,
    I have a similar problem but slightly different from the current thread. So just yesterday at dance practice, a friend of ours said to us, "couples are supposed to share one cupcake" in a joking manner. Knowing that my girlfriend is the type of person that hates comment like that, I knew she was annoyed but I'd never expected her to say this: "we're not a couple....just kidding." We have been together for over 10 months now and everything is going well up until the time of this incidence. She did apologize to me afterwards and telling me that she didn't mean what she said. That it came out of anger and frustration because of the comment our friend said. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt; however, I can't be too sure because why would that be the first thing in her mind when she gets annoyed? It doesn't make sense.
    Is this something to be "just kidding" about? What does it mean? Should I take heed?

    Thanks so much for the help.
     
  7. Pain

    Pain Guest

    Yeah... something like that just happened to me... it's ugly and it hurts. Saying "just kidding" "I just wanted to see how you care...." It's not worth it. Some people just don't know how painful it is to joke about breaking up. It makes people worry. I broke it off because I was sick of that. I wanted something serious, but all they could do was joke.
     
  8. Sadepeura

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    I've been wondering about this as well. I don't think it's ok either.

    But then again me and my boyfriend joke about breaking up as well. But we both do it. It's got lesser now than in the beginning though. I think we used to do it more because we both were worried that we would break up, and now when it looks more like this might last, we do it less. So basically, my theory is that we joked about it because we were worried.

    But it's especially bad if only one of you is doing it. You should talk about it.
     
  9. Mad Man L

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    Bad idea. One of my friends joked about breaking up with his girlfriend.

    His GF took it seriously, and while they got back together, from that point onwards, their relationship was already screwed over. The damage had been done.