Not trying to throw myself a pity party but I've really felt worthless in life lately. I'm the youngest in my family and I'll admit the stereotype of being spoiled is somewhat true. However, for me the cliche is that even though I get what I mostly want, I don't what I need. I've never really talked to my parents about anything in my life because they've always highly favored my older siblings more in school, sports, and overall. I made it through high school and I'm in college and to me it just keeps repeating. My freshman year I got involved with someone who was already in a relationship (very stupid on my part :bang: ). To make the story short, he told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me and that he just had to end his relationship and that it would be soon. Already two months in, I went away to Italy and 4 months later, in a not so ideal way we ended things and his boyfriend found out. He's admitted to me that he knew he wasn't going to end things with his boyfriend while I was in Italy and just never told me for months. Needless to say I feel worthless and used since I continued to give him anything and more for that time and he never said anything. :dry: Finally starting to get over that I started to hook up with a guy who explicitly told me he did not want a relationship and at that point either did I. We continued for months until he ended it because he thought I was getting attached. A few weeks later he said it was actually him and we started again and again he expressed he did not want anything. After a while he said he now did want something, we started dating, and two weeks later he broke up with me and two days later started dating someone else. I feel so worthless and like again I wasn't as good as the person he's dating now. I just feel worthless in life and I don't know how to see myself as something else besides that. My parents constantly look down at me and feel like I'm not good enough for them no matter what I do. Similarly, I feel like in relationships I'm just not good enough for anyone and I don't know what to do, I feel dispensable to everyone. :tears:
First of all, you're not worthless, you were just in relationships with people who didn't appreciate your worth. I've done the same and now I choose more carefully. In relationships, I really had to be mindful of what a good guy I really was. When people didn't treat me in a way that's recognized my worth, I had to start drawing the line and set boundaries; sometimes this meant finishing a relationship. Then you don't feel like a victim. Bro, we have choices in these situations. Choosing to cleanly break off a relationship may hurt in the short term, but in the long term, it will strengthen us because we'll be standing on the truth of how wonderful we really are. You're learning to make good decisions, we all make mistakes and well, they're painful, but it's part of the growth process, so be patient with yourself man, you're really ok. What I'm starting to realize is that I run to guys to make me feel better about myself, and when it doesn't work, I careen into the pit of feeling worthless again. I had to start realizing some of the good stuff that I was. I actually made a list - it was super hard at first. I seldom felt good about myself, mainly because my dad and older brother pounded into me daily that I was worthless. I'm not. Again, like me, you probably hold on to the negative people say far more than the positive. It hurts to keep replaying these lies in my mind and they probably go through your mind too. It's time to shut them off and start playing the truth; that you are a sensitive, caring guy who has loads of potential in life and in relationships. Consider getting engaged in groups of people who will share the good truth about you (and healthy encouragement to strengthen weaker areas ). Whether a club, community programs, church, whatever. You're definitely a good fella, I can hear it all over this post and I'm totally here with you. Feel better bro (*hug*) Peace and talk later - me
