So, I'm dating/hooking up with this girl, and it's going pretty well. We've slept together twice. She's quite good in bed, except that I think she's way too rough, and I don't know how to tell her. She'll start out gentle, but as soon as I start getting into it, she'll be really forceful and it completely turns me off. I haven't given her any indication that I'm not into it, and I'm not sure how to bring it up. I don't want her to think I don't like sleeping with her. Thoughts?
You bring it up. Whenever she starts getting to hot and heavy for you, just pull away for a second. Say "You're getting a little...forceful for my taste. Could you ease off a bit?" Do it with a smile, and I can guarantee she'll take the hint. Lex
Ya some times when it comes to sex its just better to say how you feel. There is no need to keep it to yourself. Say how you feel.
The sooner you bring it up, the better. And if she's really a good person, she won't be too bothered by it. :]
there's no easy way to say things and sometimes no matter who delicately you put it if people are already sensitive, they will still get upset. i would just say the best way is to: 1. communicate AFTER the activity: wait a few days and then have a talk about sex. "hey betty, we never really talked bout sex before...what type of things do you like and what style do you like (fast, rough, soft, sensual, wham bam thank you mam?"). then she will ask you and you can tell her how you like it or what you do not like. "i'm not really into rough sex, i like more sensual slow sex.". 2. if she gets offended, she will say "what you think i'm too rough? is that what you're trying to say", then you can simply tell her, you're not too rough at all for you, but for me, it's just not what i'm into. can i show you how i like it done to me....?" wink wink.... *** the other way is to do it without saying anything. show her what you like by doing it to her that way, and if she tries to get rough with you, you can stop her right in her tracks and tell her to slow it down. this can work or backfire. i would say talk about it first.
Just make sure to tell her what you did like about sleeping with her, and not just what you didn't like, and it should be fine. Everybody is different, and she won't know what you like or don't like unless you tell her. Also use the opportunity to find out what she likes, too.
Yeah you need to say something NOW. Especially if you think you want to pursue a relationship with her. It's only going to get harder as time goes on. If you tell her in a year she'll feel like shit and think that you haven't been enjoying yourself in bed this whole time.
Ok, so I attempted this last night. We were hooking up and I said "wait... Could I ask you to go a bit softer?" She said "of course" but then wasn't really that much softer. Then, I asked her to just kiss me instead, and she stopped and said she felt like she had failed. We hooked up again the morning and it was better but still too rough. Clearly there is a communication issue here, but I dont know what to say. Should I be more specific? I was thinking of saying something like: "I'm just super sensitive, so it actually feels best when you use a really light touch." I'm worried it will be difficult to say in the moment and/or hurt her feelings.
I think you should be specific. Thats the only way it will be enjoyable for both of you. It should not hurt her feelings if you day it in a nice way.
Perhaps you could turn it into some little game like the person receiving has to give instructions to the other person, and you can start it off by getting her to give you direction so she doesn't feel like you just don't like what she does, and then when she is doing it to her you will have good reason to say softer, softer. Or if you like to do it at the same time have it so one person has to copy what the other person is doing so she has to copy you or you have to copy her. The only downside to this is that if you both like opposite things can be tricky. If you dont want to make it sound like she is doing it wrong, you could just throw into the conversation sometime something like 'you know what really gets me going, when you do it really softly, like barely touching me', or something along those lines, im guessing she really just wants to please you so will probably take it on board. It may be that she tries to do it softer but in the heat of the moment gets carried away. I think the most important thing is to make sure that at the same time you tell her how much you enjoy being with her etc.
I think being specific is a great idea, and it'll keep the communication a lot clearer. I think talking about yourself and what you like rather than something she's doing wrong will sound less accusatory. That way, she'll be less likely to get offended.
Communication, communication, communication.... I realize it may be early in the potential relationship, but communication is key. My boyfriend and I are still figuring out what we like/don't like in the bedroom and the most useful feedback is ANY feedback, whether its good or bad IMHO. There's things he does I don't like, so I've told him and vice versa. Depending how comfortable you two are together, nothing should be off limits*. *edited: off limits to TALK about...thanks Ianthe
