my life seems unfulfilled...

Ok so before i go into any details for those that dont know me i have been out for the best part of 5.5 years now to everyone, ive had one kinda serious relationship which lasted a month and im basically constantly happy, and iq wise im in the top few % at 163 and my grades arent too bad either and have improved since the level of teaching at schools improved, and i will never contemplate suicide im 2 muh of a whoss to do tht, and i am still happy. and in the last 2 weeks my sex drive has been almost negligible compared to normal or over ative at times and my diet hasnt hanged at all, i get enough of everything and then sum more.

so for the last what must be 3 years ive just had a massive feeling that my life is unfulfilled, when my last dog died (in my blogs) it seemed to get worse and in the last 2 weeks its got even worse again =[ im not sure why i feel like this, it could be that im not being intellectually stimulated enough but this new term at shool i have been doing every little thing i could to try stop that and there is no change, i even restarted learning japanese and some mathmatical based projects. i have tried taking up hobbies, i did archery(which ive wanted to do since i was 6) which took up2 4 hours a night, 7 days a week, and stil i felt unfulfiled as if something was missing. i then tried my hand at uniycling, well wanted too but the unicycle i wanted off ebay never arrived so that i couldn't do. i started playing more games hoping that the satisfation of wiping out those who had been playing longer and said they could beat me anyday would help but no it didn't.

then i got my bf, and that didnt realy help either. it may of been due to the fact that we lived quite far away and i couldnt see him when i wanted but even when i was with him, no matter how much i loved every second of it, i still had the same feeling.

the last time i remember not having this feeling was just before i turned 15 about 1/3 of the way thru september which is when bill, one of my other dogs was put down due to cancer and even now thinkin about tht brings a tear to my eye which leads to sobbing if i ant think about somet else, even now im sobbing just typing about it =[ i think this is probably why im feeling unfulfilled, i dont have the unconditional love of a dog (and tbh i didnt realy have anyone that loved me, and i still dont i feel) that i love that much, when he had gone and i was left with muttsey then the feeling started but i still had my muttseykins and was fine and could cope with it easily but then in the last 2 weeks the little nigling unfulfiled feeling started to come to the front of my mind and its what i thought about a load, some of u may of noticed that i have changed ( and for the worse) in the last 2 weeks and this is why.

i have a new dog now, hes a 1 yr 4 mnth old staffie alled jake and tbh he is starting to piss me off aswell as the rest of the family(the dogs pissing them off, they arent pissing me off). we have had him for 2 months atleast but w/e we tell him off for doing he just doesnt listen. even as i typed this out i have told him off 7 or 8 times for things that he did on the first day we got him. its not like we dont give him any attention, this wil probably take me an hour or so to fully type as im playing with jake aswell. but the feeling hasnt changed and even if he does piss me off i still love the lil' bugger and he will always come and say hello to me in the mornings in his own lil' way and other things.

i just dpnt know what to do now, i cant figure out why i have this unfulfilled feeling so im going to turn to those i trust the most in these matters (you lot) and ask for ur advice.

im greatful to any tht respond to this, or even read it i know its a massive post and for tht i am sorry.

ps. if u notice that any 'C's r missing that is due to my c button bein stuk atm and doesnt alwaysd register tht its been pressed, w8 it never registers it unless u really do hit it.
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aww thanks Jim but finding ppl of the same intelletual level isn't that hard, all my friends are about the same as me. and even the supposed sporty guys in our year have an iq of around 140 surprisingly enuf. and my expectations atm are to get my target grades at school (wich is simple), to spend so long a day relaxing by doing w/e it is i decided to do and then to go work and be a good employee, i dont have many aims but there are others i dont realy want to post here, i will tell others if i need to but they r personal and i dont want any of my friends finding out what they r and i know one or 2 of them come on here once a week or so. and it does inlude my friends and they might not appreiate them. and i have never wanted a life so cram paked full of things that i cant enjoy myself, take away the games and im free about 6 hours a day and the games r there to fill tht time and nothing more.

 

thanks for the advice lex, i do like woodwork as my dads a carpenter and its always been interesting to me and im mildly decant at it, i built a fully functioning model catapult afew weeks ago for coursework so i cant be tht bad. ill see what i can do with that =]

thanks agen and i dont think there wud be anythin wrong with me physically, mums had quite abit of training in this area when she was deciding what to do and she hasnt picked up on anythin so ill get it checked out if needs be but tht wont be for a while

 

wow thanks, that does seem interesting and shud provide somet fun for me 2 do =] if i can apply and be accepted in time tht is

 

yeh i was gona remove tht but i keep forgettin, and i need a new sig to replace it with lol. but i will remove it for now, im not sure tht has any effect tho as i never read it anyways

 

well if it was then its gone now. just i still need a good sig!

 

i have plenty of me time and i do love college, i always want to be better than i am already and for me that is education. and apart from tht i love the friends i have their and cudnt imagine bein without em, god help me at the end of this year when we go off on our separate ways =[

 

thanks paul and B, ill look into them but im not sure how long ill have to do that, esp with the final exams rush starting about a month after the jan exams finish =[ and i have spoke with my parents about the exchange program and it does look amazing and they agree, they have noticed my lack of fulfillment in life and think it could be good for me. if i do go id like to go to america/australia or canada and if i ahd time and was close enuf mabe meet afew of u =]

 

well atm my timetable is:

monday : not free until 6pm but ive had a day at school then followed by work so wudnt be in the mood

tuesdays: get off school at 3pm, have about 4 hours of homework to complete tht was set on monday and tuesday and ill suually do this later on so mabe there is an opening here for something

wednesday: same as monday

thursday: same as tuesday, just i have to go out for an hour or so some weeks and i cant get out of this so mabe not the best of days

friday: same as monday

saturday: working till 4pm usually, then ill do the rest of the homework that was set for that week. possibly an hour or 2 i could volunteer

sunday: my day of rest! and finishing off any odd jobs i have to do and so dont really want to have anything plannedn for these days

so if i cant find any more time then it seems that i can volunteer for a max of about 5 hours a week. but now im starting the exams in january, str8 after them i have 3 pieces of cwk to get done and all the others tht ive wrote will be handed back for altering so that could take upto 6 weeks to get all of it done. this get me thru to about mid march, then i ahve my first final exams in june so id mabe get 2 months where i could volunteer and its not a hinderance to my studies. and then the exchange program, id love to do it and have spoke to the parents about it =] im going to be applying asap.

but if this was about half a year ago sunday and saturday would include archery from 5-9pm and then 10-2 aswell on sundays

mondays-thurs id have archery again 7-10 indoors and friday it was 7-9 so i am glad i dropped archery to give me aload of extra time =]and then id go there an hour earlier or so to help set upand start shoting about half an hour before most arrived.