This is kind of a long story, so I'll try to keep it short because i know i am often guilty of "tl;dnr" syndrome... I'm a freshman in college, and I've pretty much accepted within myself that I am a girl who likes girls, plain and simple. I've come out to 3 of my very close friends from high school with no problem and my plan was to start college just being honest with myself and my new friends, but i guess something about the stress of the new environment made me close myself off and regress back to this scared little kid. Not only am I terrified to tell my friends and roommates (I live with 3 other girls), but for some reason I find myself actively pretending to be attracted to boys around them, which just feels really wrong. One of my friends from down the hall acts homophobic when it comes to girls actually kissing or having sex with each other, but she and one of my roommates (the two of them are probably my closest friends at college) constantly "joke (?)" about having major crushes on each other, they always ask each other to cuddle and spoon, and they like really flirt with each other. Which is fine, it's not like it bothers me, it's just that I feel like if I ever do get the courage to come out to them, they will feel like they have to act differently or something, or suddenly be embarrassed? I'm not sure, it's just a strange dynamic that's complicating it for me. Secondly, everybody who lives in the 4 person room is 100% shameless about walking around in their underwear and sometimes butt ass naked, which i think would also become awkward if I came out. I know there are certain friends who would not give two rat's asses that I was gay, but I just don't want anyone to feel like they have to act differently, and I fear it's not something I can control once I come out. I should probably add that I'm absolutely scared shitless about it, every time I even think about telling someone that I like girls I start sweating and shaking, I get lightheaded and sick to my stomach, and I can't even imagine what a mess I would be if I ever actually went through it. Anyone have any similar situations or advice for this roommate dynamic?
Okay I live in a four person apt and two of my roommates are soooo homophobic so I just wanna say I feel so sorry for you. It sucks living with people your not out with, plain and simple. You're right to think things might change in the apt, but then again they might not change that much or not at all as well. I came out to the one non homophobic roommate I had and he still walks around half naked all the time. He had his worries at first but I explained them away and I don't hit on him so he knows better now. The first person I ever came out to was my therapist after a few minutes of not being able to get it out she gave me a pen and piece of paper, I wrote, "I feel like a girl." I'm not gonna lie I was a nervous wreck and wrote it so she couldn't see it while I wrote it and I considered sticking the paper in my pocket, but I didn't and I was able to give her the slip. Just an idea.
Coming out is all about being honest. I mean, that's why we come out in the first place, right? To clear any possible confusion with people we care about. I can't say I'm in the same situation (I have one roommate who has issues with it and I'm not planning on telling yet, but everyone else knows and is fine), but I'll offer advice the best I can. Consider, before anything else, being honest with yourself. For the next little while, just consciously stop pretending to be attracted to guys. You don't have to explicitly be interested in girls, or interested in anyone, but stop putting up the facade. Act like you have nothing to be scared of, and eventually you just won't be scared anymore. As for them walking around with little/no clothing, they might be uncomfortable after you tell them. I mean hey, there's a reason they do it around you and not around guys: they think you won't be looking at anything. If you do come out to them, make it very clear that you aren't/weren't interested. That's really the only thing within your power you can do to reassure them they weren't being creeped on. Basically, be as honest and forthright as you can. I will say one of my guy housemates walks around shirtless all the time, and pretty much in boxers the other half of the time. I told him about a week and a half ago and he was the first one to say "nothing's changed". Granted, the reaction your roommates could be very different depending on what they're like, but maybe this gives you an ounce of hope it won't go terribly. In fact, I actually find it funny; before the holidays, when I was hugging everyone and doing goodbyes, he specifically went to put on a shirt to give me a hug. Now he has no problem doing it shirtless
Yeah it really depends on the disposition of your friends who you come out to. Not weather they will be accepting or not, just weather they will feel awkward, which does not mean they are not accepting. My one friend would change in full view of me and still does since I came out. She has no shame. But i have a feeling my other friend (who I have yet to come out to) may not be as accepting.
