Like the title says, I'm feeling pretty selfish right now. I know it's pretty well justified, but I still feel bad about it. One of my housemates (and very close friend) is moving back home. Now, her family is having financial issues, and she's been paying her way through school. She wouldn't have been able to afford next year, but she was planning on dropping out and looking into an apprenticeship/work (she decided university wasn't for her). So, she was going to work like she wanted, and stay and live with us still, like everyone wanted. Her dad turned around (after she called to pitch the idea of not going to university) and pretty much made it clear that she had to go back home. This was a couple months ago, so we've been figuring out ways to get her to stay (she pretty much needed to prove she could find work was all). Then out of nowhere, he decides that he's coming down this weekend to 'start' (read: actually complete) moving her stuff back home. She isn't sure if that includes her or not, but she'll likely be gone. I mean, she's my housemate and a really good friend. I don't want her to leave. She's the one I talk to about nearly anything in my life and she'll listen to it. She's also easily the person I'm most comfortable talking about my sexuality with. More than anything, I know she doesn't want to be living at home either, and that makes me want to get her to stay for her sake. And because she's moving out so abruptly, that leaves another spot to fill on our lease in the next couple weeks. Which in turn, adds more randoms to our house that likely won't hang out with the rest of us. I don't really know what I want from this. I guess I've never really dealt with the whole 'loss of someone close' because well, I never HAD anyone close before. The logical part of me wants to kick myself for letting myself get close to people in the first place, but every emotional bone in my body knows that's stupid, and I'm incredibly happy to have met her. Now, all that being said, it's not like she's that far away, an hour and a half tops. And she still has to come back to visit, since she's in charge of our utilities. I get that this situation isn't that terrible, but I just needed to have a really childish 'life sucks' moment. I think what bothers me the most is that she's moving back because they're having financial difficulties. I mean, we always preach to make sure you're 'financially independent' before you attempt any risky coming outs. Obviously not the same situation, but she is effectively financially independent. The thing is, if something goes wrong for her, her parents become liable, and then they can't afford to keep their house. It's like a backwards dependency, and rather frustrating to be honest.
I know how you feel. Completely. I think everyone has had those friends in their life that they want and need so much. It's not selfish I don't think to say you wish she could stay there -- that is really what you wish and you can't help that. Being selfish would be trying to force someone into doing something they didn't want to do. It doesn't sound like she wants to be moving back home. I've had a couple friends like this and it always sucks to see them leave but the best thing about good friends like that is they are never far even if they ARE far. A couple of my best friends are all over the place (NS, BC, AB, France, one to Thailand). I just got off a ridiculously long amazing convo with one of them that lasted a couple hours. So she will always be there for you I am sure... probably doesn't help much right now Oh and you are definitely entitled to you life sucks moment -- please take it now. I unfortunately am in the same situation as she is; in a sort. I am looking at being deported out of TO (not really deported, just using for dramatics) back to NS because I can't find work here and I am falling behind every month. But here is where I really want to be so if I have to leave I'm hoping its only temporary. Maybe she will be driven enough to get back?
