Lost?

Well first off I am sure you will find help and support here at EC, it is a great place and you will find you are certainly not alone in what you are feeling. It is part of the process that people go through when they are coming to terms with their sexuality, the fact that your family is very Christian obviously splits you in two between your natural attraction and the loyalty to your family.
Have you read any of the PFLAG information it might help, or their is a book about being gay and your religion, I cant remember the name but i'm sure someone will chip in with it later or if not we can search the forum for it.
Try not to be too despondent you dont have to come out to your family immediately, there are lots of people who have come through similar situations as yours with a positive result. I wasnt sure after reading your post whether you are unsure why you are feeling the attraction to girls or whether you are unsure about why you were having trouble accepting it.

 

Well I can't help personally, but this is the best place to be!

 

Hi, welcome to Empty Closets! I'm so glad you found us.

Are you distressed only because of how you imagine your family would respond, or is your sexuality in conflict with your own beliefs and worldview?

There are resources here for you either way, but we will know how to help you better if we know whether it's your family's reaction or your own that is the main conflict.

 

I'm not a Christian, so I can't help you with that personally, but if you post another thread with a title like, "Help! I am Christian and Bisexual!" there are other Christians here who have resolved this conflict for themselves, and they can help you. That thread title would attract their attention.

I sincerely hope that homophobia was not the "main thing" in your religion. It usually isn't, except for the Westboro Baptist Church (that's the "God Hates Fags" people who protest at the funerals of American soldiers, among other places). I am just waiting for one of the Phelps kids to be gay. I hope none of them are--but there are such a lot of them.

Most Christians, even those who think homosexuality is condemned, don't really think it is the main point to take from the Bible.

Can you tell us some more about your parents? What are their backgrounds, and how explicit have they been about their opinions on gay people?

 

I am a Christian, and I assure you there are MANY of us out there who are accepting and supportive of our GLBTQ sisters and brothers!

Do you yourself still identify as a Christian? If so, and if reconciling your sexuality with your faith is part of your struggle, know that there are lots of resources out there providing support, information, Biblical discussion, etc. The Gay Christian Network is one great place to start.

I firmly believe it's totally possible to be both Christian and gay/bi, and there's NO reason why those two things should be mutually exclusive. God made you, and loves you, just the way you are! Sadly, with the prevalence of ignorance-based teaching in the church regarding sexuality, it's easy to feel guilty and confused. Even as a heterosexual, it took me years to figure out how my faith and my acceptance of LGBT people fit together! It wasn't until I came to be friends with some openly gay, fulfilled Christians that it all became totally aligned for me. So, expect it to take time (for you and other people, if/when you decide to come out) - but don't give up!

Obviously I have no personal coming-out experience to speak from, so I could be off on this...but my advice would be to wait on coming out to your family until you're more clear and confident in where you are yourself. Especially if you're still feeling really confused about whether it's sinful or acceptable to be gay, then any shame or judgment they might put on you will only make it that much harder to work things out in your own heart and mind. If you can face them with at least some level of clarity and conviction that the way you are is GOOD, it may make it easier for them to accept it at some point down the line.

Stay strong, find support from this site, explore all the available resources, learn what the Bible REALLY says...most importantly, know that you do NOT need to live in guilt, and you do NOT need to deny your orientation to find peace with God! (*hug*)

 

Gay Christian guy here! I've really come to terms with my sexual orientation recently. Like you I've fought this my whole life. But for me, there is a difference in embracing the fact that you are gay and acting on those feelings that God gave you. No, I am not out to all of my family...yet...for your same reasons.

You need to weigh what's important to you right now. If you value your religion over expressing your sexuality, then be comfortable with that choice. But don't feel trapped because it was a choice you made. If you choose sexual expression over your family's religion, then don't beat yourself up over it...but be ready for the consequences. if you can find a way to express your sexuality or to be sexually satisfied within the confines of your faith--and you are comfortable with that choice--there's nothing wrong with that direction. Just don't feel resentment later on.

And don't feel locked in to any particular decision. Life is fluid. And people change. And that includes YOU.

It's a hard road with harder decisions. Blessings and prayers for you from a fellow Christian.

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