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My Story ((LONG))

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MommaFrog, Jan 14, 2012.

  1. MommaFrog

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    WARNING MATURE CONTENT

    Ok, first off I would like to say that I am not writing this to induce pity or anyone feeling sorry for me in any way. I want people to know what I have gone through so that it might help others. I will gladly answer any and all questions you have about me or for me. I intend to keep this thread updated as well.

    Now, here’s my story…

    I grew up living with my mom and rarely seeing my dad. They divorced when I was very very young. We lived with my grandparents for a while before mom got us an apartment. I love my grandparents, but they put pressure on me at a very young age to be better than everyone else… smarter… They and my mom signed me up for gymnastics, which I failed at miserably. Then I was placed in karate which I LOVED!!!! I ended up having to stop because my sensi broke his foot and closed down the dojo. So then I was put in baton and modeling. Needless to say, the one thing I enjoyed ended, and I then did what I was told. Oh, I was also a girl scout, and top cookie seller in my troop!**gag** I won first place in the state in Modeling and then my family really got into it. There were a TON of competitions.

    So, after I am the “it” girl at my school, my mom gets re-married and moves us from Gainesville to Lake Shitty. I went from being the “it” girl to be making fun of and an outcast. I was so akward then. The Girl that liked to read, the new girl… it was bad. I got chunky. I hated going to school. I had no friends. My grades started to slip. I had crushes on girls, not boys, and never said anything about it.

    Middle school was much the same, tho I had a few close friends and found my love of band. I met my best friend. Moved on to High School.

    In High School I was “That band girl” basically. I lived for band. Eat, Sleep, Live BAND. That was me. I dated some guys here and there. My senior year I met my husband. He was a Sophomore then.

    After High School I went to college in Gainesville and joined the UF’s Marching Gator band. I was treated horribly there. I ended up doing something I thought I never would. I quit band. After the one semester in Gainesville I moved back here, got a job… Lived at home again.

    One night I got in a huge fight with my mom and step-dad. I told them I was going to work, but I called in sick. At this point I was 18. I was with some friends. My mom found out I lied, demanded I get home, and called me a whore. She slapped me. So, I stood up and packed a bag. The car I had at the time was partially in her name so I left the keys on the counter, and started walking. Of course, that’s when it started raining ((damned Florida weather)). The followed me in the car, yelling at me. Telling me to get in that I was making a scene. They called the cops on me, trying to have them lock me in a mental institution. I ended up staying with a friend for a few days, and walking to work. My dad, who lived in New Orleans, came and got me that Friday. So, I moved out there and lived with him.

    Oh, I loved New Orleans. Everything is just so different there compared to here. I dyed my hair hot pink. I wore the clothes I’ve always wanted to! All that was missing was friends. I went to school then went home and spent most of my time online or watching tv. I was so lonely.

    That’s when my husband and I started talking again. I’m just going to call him D.

    Myspace, yes, myspace, got me and D talking again. He told me he missed me. He told me he never stopped loving me. He told me he would always love me. Things I needed to hear. Well, I eventually came to believe in him more than my family. Got in a fight with my dad, and ended up moving my stuff out and into my car in the middle of the night and driving alone to Lake Shitty to be with him.

    Of course, my family wigged out.

    They threatened to have me arrested for theft, so I moved in with my grandparents in
    Gainesville. Got a job. All I heard all day was how bad I had messed up. What a screw up I was. How I had failed, how I had screwed up my life, what a disappointment I was. I was told how to dress, that I needed to lose weight, wear more make-up. I snapped and once again moved while no one was around I moved the night of my husband’s 18th birthday.

    We moved in together in a house his grandfather gave him. And, for a while, things were good.

    He started telling me my family would never forgive me. That they would never accept us. That it was them or him.

    Then, once I was no longer speaking to my family, he started on my friends. Espically my male friends. He didn’t like me talking to them, got jealous, got angry.

    I ended up getting pregnant, and the week after we found out, I miscarried. That’s when things got worse. “You can’t even keep our baby alive” things like that.

    Well, I lost my job, he was still in High School… so we moved in with his mother. She made things worse. She treated me like a slave. Clean this, do that. I was like a house servant.

    It was bad. He got verbally abusive, sometimes even physical. I was less than 3 blocks from my family and I never left, because I was too scared.

    After graduation we moved out again, and got a small one bedroom apartment. While looking for work one day he told me he found a way to earn some cash and told me to put on lingerie. I asked him what the point would be, its no fun when you know I’m wearing it. He told me to put it on, that someone was coming over, and I was going to have sex with him. I said no. He stood, grabbed my throat, squeezed a little, and said “DO IT”

    Of course at the point, I complied.

    There wasn’t one of them, there were several.

    I hated myself. I felt like I should have fought back. But… I didn’t, and I couldn’t have done anything any differently.

    About two weeks later he decided we were getting married, so we did. I planned the whole thing in 10 days, and made almost everything myself.

    A month later we found out I was pregnant. I got fired, so, we moved into his mothers, again.

    Now, I got pregnant in late August. In December I got a call from a girl he worked with.

    Apparently he had been having an affair, and she didn’t know he was married with a baby on the way. She had just found out. It had started the first week of September. She told me everything. I almost miscarried I was so upset.

    This is when things got really really bad.

    I confronted him, and he swore he would change, and for that night he slept on the couch. The next night… he raped me.

    And the next night

    And the next night

    Every night until I “Forgave” him….

    We moved back into his grandfather’s home out in the middle of nowhere, near no one I knew, in January. He continued working while I was stuck at home. He made me transfer my prenatal care to midwives, to have the baby at home. I did the best I could to clean, I had a rough end to my pregnancy. I was sore, tired… I was miserable…

    I got sick in February. I got discharged from the care of my midwife. So I found an OBGYN.

    I completely lost my sex drive, so he raped me

    A lot

    Vaginally and anally

    In may my daughter was born. 2 weeks later, we had a huge fight, and I got the courage to call my mom to come get me. That night I found out he had been cheating on me the whole marriage, so I decided I wasn’t going back, that I was divorcing him.

    I was scared. What if he tried to take our daughter? I was terrified. He had often told me he was scared he would get mad one day and hurt me. What was stopping him then?

    So, he threatened to kill me, I got a restraining order. Our daughter lives with me and visits him. The Divorce gets finalized Feb 7th!

    Now I am living with my over bearing, nosey, demanding, bigot family. I am once again the akward high schooler. I am told how wrong I am about everything. How I would be so pretty IF _______ … I am told I messed up my life, I am the problem child, the black sheep of the family. Ungrateful, spiteful, rude… well, the list goes on and on.

    I’m struggling to live in an abusive home while recovering from an abusive marriage, go to school, and raise my daughter. If I can do this. You can do anything.


    if you made it this far congrats, and again, happy to answer anything. Also, this is a condensed version, theres tons more...
     
  2. Ianthe

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    Wow, that's terrible. I'm sorry you've had such a rough time. (*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  3. MommaFrog

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    excrement occurs, I really just want to help others by posting this. Im getting better, slowly, but I AM getting better. I want to help others get better...
     
  4. Hexagon

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    Damn, that sucks. If I were you, I'd get his parental responsibility and visitation rights removed. And his ass in prison.
     
  5. ilovedogs9

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    That... is absolutely horrid. There is so much to say that I don't know exactly where to start. For you to have survived through that, I must say, you are stronger than most people I know. I wish you so much luck with your future. I agree with RubiksCube, I think you need to have your soon-to-be-ex-husband's parental rights removed. I'll admit though, that somehow after reading your story, I felt a little more hopeful for my own.
     
  6. MommaFrog

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    I'm working on it, its a complicated process

    That was my hope in posting this!
     
  7. Bedroom Hymns

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    Thank you for sharing your story. It's really making me think about how lucky I've been in some aspects.

    I hope you try to not think about your family's remarks too often. None of this is your fault, you're not a disgrace. I hope you soon get enough finantial stability to move out with your daughter, and maybe find a nice person to raise her with. Or maybe not. You don't need someone to raise her, I'm sure you'll make a good job parenting because you've gone through a lot; and I suppose you want the opposite for your daughter.

    (*hug*)

    If you ever want to get something off your chest, I'm here.
     
  8. EM68

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    I'm glad your getting better. Like the posters said above you need to try to remove all parental rights for you daughter's dad. I would not trust him at all.Yesterday was a prime example. Also have you thought of pressing charges against your ex?
     
  9. MommaFrog

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    I had a meeting with my attorney today about everything. I managed to tell him everything, I'm kind of proud of myself. It as hard because my lawyer is a family friend. He took it well. I hope all of this can be used against D in the divorce...
     
  10. DhammaGamer

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    Step 1) write it down
    Step 2) publish it
    Step 3) profit

    Your story should be told to others, and you have the ability to tell it. I can't believe the terrors you have endured. You are a strong woman indeed.
     
  11. MommaFrog

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    Therapy today was great. He's helping me learn how to deal with living here.

    Also, got lectured today because I spend TOO much time with my daughter.... really???

    Oh and my room is dis-organized.... even tho its mine and my daughters room and theres not enough room for my stuff much less mine and hers.... and half the closet is my mom and step-dads crap....
     
  12. Vesper

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    I'm really sorry to hear about all the hell that you had to endure by the tender age of 21. You are an incredibly strong person.
     
  13. MommaFrog

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    I want to update everyone on whats going on!

    1) His attorney is now refusing to represent him
    2) He hasn't seen her in awhile just because he hasn't shown up
    and....

    3) I have a sweet, kind, understanding boyfriend!
     
  14. MommaFrog

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    Just want everyone to know he got arrested today for breaking the restraining order and I'm not sure what happens next, but I know i'm safe for tonight. This is the first time I have truly felt safe in over a year....
     
  15. Mad Man L

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    Yay! :eusa_danc What you've been through sounds terrible. He sounds like he almost tried to get you 'in' in a cult-like manner.

    I'd recommend pressing charges. Your (ex)-husband sounds like a horrible, abusive, disgusting person. How you could rape someone you love is beyond me. And yes, try and get his parental rights removed. If you ever met again, it's more likely than not he'd try and murder you.
     
  16. MommaFrog

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    He was there, in his orange jumpsuit and shackles. I have sole custody of Lily, he gets visitation after he gets out of jail. He owes me over $1700 plus child support and back owed child support. I am divorced!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  17. silverhalo

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    Congratulations, does this mean you have more flexibility and can move now if you want to?
     
  18. MommaFrog

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    No, I can't move yet, but it will probably only be a year or so until I can
     
  19. Sunsetting

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    :slight_smile: i am relieved for you :slight_smile:
    hang in there sister!
     
  20. MommaFrog

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