Hi, I'm 17 years old and I've been struggling with my orientation for about a year now. I know I'm still young and don't have to label myself being gay/bi/straight or whatever, but I'm kind of desperate right now. I just need somebody to read my story, see the things I feel and maybe advise me or talk to me more about it. So, where should I begin..I've never been the "girlish" type of girl in pink dresses, skirts, pigtails and so on. I've always liked playing with soldiers, collecting a small motorbikes, making my own guns and stuff like that (of course I've played with dolls sometimes, but I simply prefered a games and stuff for boys). That's why I played mostly with boys in kindergarten, because that was a kind of thing that no girl wanted to do. As I grew up, it happened sometimes that I liked a particular girl more than I was able to admit, but still there was no question about my sexuality. To tell the truth, notion of naked woman or sth. similar made me feel a little disgusted, but there was still something that made me think about it. In school when I was about 13/14 years old and girls started checking out boys, I did the same thing but just because all the other girls were doing so, not really because I wanted to. I didn't a still don't have a desire to be around boys, but I simply didn't want to feel odd. When I think about it, I guess I've never really had a "boy crush" (if I don't count one celebrity crush) or a boy aroud me that I liked more than anybody else. Another thing is that I feel very uncomfortable changing clothes among girls, so I always go somewhere else. I find myself blushing, don't know where to look etc. I've never been in a relationship, and I've never kissed a girl. I've kissed only one boy when I was very little and another two because of the "spin the bottle" game, but I found it awkward and unpleasant, I simply didn't feel anything. To be honest, of course I look when I see an attractive guy somewhere, I can say whwther he's hot or not, but I don't think about him in a sexual way anymore, I don't feel anyhing and it's strange for me, although when I was younger it wasn't. You know, I had that expectation of having a nice boyfriend like all the girls do, but like I said, I must say it again, I didn't and don't feel anything imagining that. To explain my recent (about one year long period of time) feelings, I have a few girl crushes, one my friend in school and some other girls I know. When I'm close to them, or just see them walk in the hall, it makes my day a lot better, I'm smiling like an idiot and can't stop staring at them. And that's something I've never felt before, something I just don't have with boys. And that's not happening only when I see a girl I know, it happens when I see any random girl that I find attractive..I'm like "Wow she's so beautiful..wish I knew her and could talk to her.." When we talk, I just can't concentrate and I watch every single move of her, what she does with her hair, with her hand, the way she smiles and so on...I often catch myself starin' at their boobs, butt and as a matter of fact at everything on them... I love being in the presence of girls that I like, they are so sensitive, caring, tender...I want to talk to them, sit close to them, hold their hands, smell their perfume and just look how beautiful they are..and that never happened with a boy.. So..I guess that's almost everything I had to say, if you want to know something else, just ask me..now, I'd be really happy to read your opinions about this, because I really don't know what to think about all that... PS: Sorry for potential mistakes, English is not my native language + sorry for a long post, but I couldn't be more brief.
Based on your post, it seems that you like girls and don't really like guys, which would make you gay. Of course, no one can read a set of facts and hand down a label like a diagnosis; your orientation is something you really have to figure out for yourself, and it seems that you've already begun that process. That being said, it seems that you know you like girls, but you might be afraid of what that could mean for you long-term. How do your family and friends feel about homosexuality? How do YOU feel about the possibility of being gay? Concerned/scared/excited/etc.? Sometimes its easy to let fear get in the way of recognizing and labeling our attractions. Could that be the case for you? Good luck with the questioning process. I understand how frustrating it can be when you're feeling confused and you just want to KNOW your orientation, but try to be patient with yourself as you work it all out.
I'm not seeing anything in what you've said above that would indicate you're attracted to boys. You seem pretty straight, if what you've said above is completely accurate. If there's anything else that leads you to question yourself, then maybe you could share that with us. Otherwise, I'm not seeing any real indicators of same-sex attraction.
^^^I am pretty sure that Boogaloo is a girl so if you're saying you don't think she's attracted to guys, then she's lesbian not straight. ---------- Post added 15th Jan 2012 at 06:29 PM ---------- Boogaloo, maybe just try thinking more about girls like the way you've been thinking about guys. Maybe you'll start feeling an attraction or realize you don't feel an attraction.
Well, my close friends already know about this not-knowing (and have no problem with it), but my family doesn't a I guess they never will. Both my parents are homophobic, especially my mother...I'm just afraid that they both won't be able to put up with the fact that their daughter might be a lesbian. And how I feel about the possibility? I don't really know..I've always been all for the homosexual rights and stuff like that, but when I imagine myself as one of the minority? I don't know, but even if I was homosexual, I'd be happier than now, not knowing who I am...but I guess the only real problem would be my family..
