Hello, I am an openly gay woman with a friendship group made up of mainly gay women and a couple of straight girls. Recently, I met a bisexual woman in a bar and I think I'm falling for her! I expected my friends to be happy for me but instead they do not like her and insist it is because I should not date bisexuals! Personally I find this offensive to both my girlfriend and I, her sexual history matters less to me than her beauty and sense of humour! I find my friend's opinions narrow-minded! Should I choose between them and her? My straight friends are pleased for me! To any bisexual people reading this, please be aware that I do not share the views of my friends and think that this girl is beautiful in many ways!
You should listen to your heart and do what you know is right, as long as your gay friends don't know anything about her, they shouldn't judge her, and you shouldn't let her go just because she's bisexual
I find this ironic that as a people we want relationship equality but some can't get on bored with a Lesbian dating a bisexual. Anyone else see the problem there.
I think many people don't tend to date or go after bi-sexual males or females due to the fact they aren't straight or gay ... if you understand what I am trying to say? They have more options to potentially cheat or something similar I am in the same boat as you, I am dating a bisexual whilst I am gay and a lot of my friends have been cautious and had to tell me I am going to get hurt etc However, I believe it does not matter. As long as you're both happy then that's all that matters
I completely agree with all of you! I took her with me the other day to have a drink with them and one of them actually asked her how many men she'd been with and I felt like I had to spend all the next day apologising for them! Should I really be friends with people who think that way? I haven't asked her that question because I don't think it matters, we all have pasts! Sorry if I'm going on too much, thank you for your support! x
I think you should carry on seeing her, hopefully your friends will see that she is a lovely person and in time will revise their views, it would be a shame to have to choose between your friends or your girl. I dont think there is any excuse for people to have the opinion that bisexuals are more likely to cheat, just because you like girls and guys doesnt make you unfaithful. Perhaps you could ask your friends why they think the fact she is bisexual is bad.
I did ask them, they said because I'll come home one day and find her in bed with a bloke! Another said I should know from what she likes in the bedroom whether she would rather be with a guy than me, I can honestly say there is no way she would! But do you think there's any truth in the likelihood of me finding her with a guy? I don't, but they insist on it and they say I have no idea because she's only my second girlfriend and I'm inexperienced!
I'd say it'd be as probable as finding her with a girl. Which, if she's a faithful person, should be none. Just because someone's bisexual doesn't mean he/she is twice as likely to cheat. You should tell your friends that you like her, and that they should respect and support you on your decision. Do what you feel is the right choice.
Exactly this ^^, tell them its no more likely than them coming home to find their girlfriend/boyfriend in bed with another boy/girl.
I just received a dinner invite from one of them and I asked if I could bring my girl, to which the response was "I think I speak for the whole gang when I say we'd rather you didn't". I had no idea they held these opinions when I met them! I need to talk to them sooner rather than later! Do I take her to the dinner anyway? We always take people if we're serious about them!
I don't think you should bring your girlfriend to the dinner. Given how adamant your friends are on how "terrible" bisexuals are, they might say something to offend your girlfriend or make her feel extremely unwelcome. If you really want to salvage your friendship with these people and also keep your girlfriend, I'm thinking that maybe you should try talking to your friends one on one. Many people tend to feel more strongly about certain things when they are in a group setting, so it might be easier for you to persuade them individually. If there's any particular friend of yours that you're closest with, you should start there. I think you should explain to them how it hurts you when your friends say those things about your girlfriend without even meeting her. Maybe you could also point out how their biphobia is similar to the homophobia that I'm sure they have all faced. Also, maybe if you can introduce your girlfriend to them one on one they might see how wonderful she is and might slowly start changing their views. I doubt that they will come around to the whole dating bisexuals idea quickly but I think tackling them one on one might work out better than talking to them all together in a group. By the way, there are actually more bisexuals than lesbians/gays. So you might want to let them know that if they want an easier time in finding someone to have a relationship with, they might want to broaden their horizons and be kinder to bisexuals. :dry: Not to mention that I'm sure they wouldn't like it if someone told them that all gays/lesbians are promiscuous (which is a very common stereotype) so they can't have meaningful relationships/be faithful
Thank you for this, I think you might be right about one on one being easier, the sad thing is though that my best friend in the group is the one with the strongest opinions on this, but she also probably has the biggest influence on the rest! It shocks me because they all supported me to the hilt when I was coming out and now they can't accept the woman I'm falling in love with for who she is! I will most certainly be telling them the above statistic about bisexuals!
There's a lot of stereotypes about absolutely everyone, every race, every job description, every gender, every country. Only two types of people believe in stereotypes: the innocent ignorant and the incorrigible ignorant. Meaning, your friends either genuinely do not know any better or they are stubborn in their stupidity and will never change. You cannot bring your girlfriend around them any more. It is unfair to her, to subject her to their behavior. Imagine what nasty things they might say to her, when you are not around. You made a choice, to be with this girl. Your friends need to know it is NOT okay to treat your decisions that way - it is an insult to her, and to you. Tell them you'll be happy to hang out with them again when you are fully welcome - you, and anyone else you happen to include in your life.
Thank you everyone, you will be pleased to hear I made a little progress this morning, one, and only one, of my friends is going for drinks with me and my girlfriend. This is a step in the right direction, isn't it?
