Reading and writing things on EC has help me begin to really look at how I feel. It gave me enough confidence to tell the cousin I live with about the feelings I have and how I may be a lesbian. We started talking about some gay celebrities and I know he has a lot of gay/lesbian friends. He said that it was fine if I was a lesbian and that there isn’t anything wrong with it… But what really confused me were the questions he was asking me and telling me. 1. He said that people are not born gay, and that genetics may contribute towards the “preference” but there has to be things in my past that made me who I am. That I had a choice in whether or not I decide to live as a lesbian. That really sort of upset me because it seems like he is saying that somethings or someones in my past “caused” me to feel this way, and that its not like I can change that now and that I can decide to be lesbian or I guess pretend otherwise? 2. He asks me if I am sure I am a lesbian because I have only been with one guy and maybe that isn’t a good indication of how to judge how I feel towards men. Maybe I was just anxious and nervous because it was the first guy I went out with. And if I was sure I am attracted to girls. 3. I told him I was feeling like I don’t fit in and little lost. He said perhaps it could just be hormones or something making me overly emotional. That these feelings could just be my uncertainties towards my job and may not be towards sexual preference. 4. He is telling me to make sure I am really sure about this before I tell anyone. But, how do I know if I am really really sure? I am pretty confused with his stance, because he seems very supportive and helpful. But asks me all these confusing questions and keeps asking me if I am sure. Then when I am trying to defend my feelings, I wonder why I am trying so hard to prove to him when I don’t actually want to be gay. The most confusing thing is that some of what he says seems to make sense and I find myself even more confused and unsure than before.
1. If this is true, I have no idea what "caused" me to be gay. Nobody abused me, my mother wasn't smothering, my father wasn't distant, and I ate and drank the same things my straight siblings did. But even if there was some sort of "cause", the fact is - I AM NOW GAY. And there's no magic wand to switch it back. Which is just as well, because I kick ass as gay. 2. How many guys did he have to sleep with before he decided he wasn't gay? 3. Is that what happens with him? When he starts feeling some stress at work, does he start wondering if he's actually gay? 4. You're sure enough that you've felt the need to start telling people. I'm sorry you started off by telling such a zero, but to me, that's the border. Most people, when they start wondering, don't immediately start telling their friends "Dude, totally gay now". They mull it over, and often agonize over it. By the time you work up the courage to start telling people, chances are you're pretty sure. Lex
Thanks, that makes a lot of sence and it really helped. I have thinking a lot and I think I am getting a much better grip on things (thanks to all the posts and people on EC). I'm trying not to force things. Yea I guess I have read other comments similar to his, and I shouldn't care too much... I was just so unsure and he sounded so convincing and logical at the time. When I told him he seemed really supportive, so I got super confused when he started asking me all these questions that made me feel like I have to prove to him how I feel (which I don't actually think is possible or I don't know how I can do that). I guess he just thought that I woke up one day and decided that being a lesbian would be a nice change, and if its gonna be a phase, I better keep it to myself and not tell anyone.
