I am a 39-year-old married man who has accepted and come to peace (somewhat) with the fact that he is gay. However, I have never been with another man in any romantic or sexual way. I was raised in a conservative, religious home, so it has taken me a while to accept my sexuality. I know coming out will be very difficult. I love my wife and enjoy being with her and hate to hurt her. So, here's my dilemma: What if I go through the painful process of coming out, and then start dating men only to discover I don't like it after all? I mean, I'm sure I will. I crave being with another man - not just sexually, but that too - but since I've never actually had any experience, can I really know? I can't 'find out' while I'm still married because I would never cheat on my wife and I'm sure she would not be comfortable allowing me to experiment. So, do I go ahead and come out and trust my heart and soul that I am actually a gay man? Should I not? Will the desire ever decrease? Any and all thoughts, suggestions and help are greatly appreciated.
I'm a 54 year old heterosexually married male here, too. I am a christian and raised in a very conservative religious family. And I'm as gay as the day is long. I finally accepted being gay within the last couple of months. I struggled with this for a long time--my whole life. I have only been with another guy in my early teens which is rather common. For many years I wondered what I did wrong to myself. I felt guilty about having cravings to be with a guy. When I accepted myself as genuinely gay, I felt relief. But with that acceptance came a diminished desire to be with my wife sexually. Sex with her has been nearly impossible since then. And my wife does not have a clue. I've been a member here for a while. There are a couple of ways to look at this and I think I'm almost at a resolution for myself. I'm going to "friend" you and post where I am right now on my wall. Just know you are not the only married conservative christian who has finally allowed himself to acknowledge that he's gay. There are a lot of us out here. Buddy, I wish I could sit with you and talk. We'd probably cry a lot and share the same stories, just with different small details. Tracker
My experience has taught me that most people know if they are gay and that their fears of what if it turns out that I am not gay are more about their fears of what they will give up by coming out which especially for someone like you is a lot. I tend to think about being gay on an emotional level more than a physical one, and thus I don't need to have dated a guy to know that I am gay. While I know I could be contented living with a woman and there are friends I have that I could imaging being a companion with for the rest of my life, I know I would never be able to love them in the way I could love a guy. EC is an awesome resource and there are many people here who share your predicament, including one of the adviors, Jim1454, and are in various stages of sorting it out. Remember that we here to help you as you find out what you need to do as you go through this rough time.
