Hello all! I realize the title of this thread is a tad off the wall but hopefully all will make sense once fully written out. Now, most of my posts on empty closets have been the product of me giving way to my over analyzing, over-thinking, and over worrying self. This post will, most likely, turn out to be no different. Anyway, to the point. I am so deeply in love with my boyfriend. My last post was from me thinking I was more serious about our relationship than him. However, we have since talked about it and we are both on the same page as far as a long term relationship goes. Since the last post, I discovered something about my boyfriend that in no way affects my love for him, but at the same time makes me feel uneasy. I found out that my boyfriend has twice done shrooms before. I have to say I was surprised to find this out. Ever since I learned this it simply hasn't been able to leave my mind. I think I haven't been able to pry away from this subject partially because I just don't like thinking of him doing any other drugs than marijuana. I remember when I was younger, a guy in my older sister's high school class bought some shrooms from a dealer (who not surprisingly didn't know what he was doing) who sold him the wrong type of mushrooms. The guy ended up dying from eating them. I think this memory also fuels my uneasiness about this situation. I care about my boyfriend so much that just the thought of him eating shrooms terrifies me. My problem is that for the past few days I haven't been able to get this out of my head. I know the past is the past, but I'm having a hard time putting this behind me. Like I said before, this in no way affects my love for him. I'm just having a hard time accepting this part of my boyfriend's past and putting it to rest. I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me as far how to put this part of the past inthe past. I would really appreciate any words of wisdom any of you might have. Thanks P.S. Am I just over thinking things as usual?
I think what you are feeling is normal. You are dealing with the revelation of something that makes you uncomfortable so obviously this is going to be on your mind for a period of time. You are not over analyzing it is more of just "processing new information". Having said that, your uncomfort with him doing drugs is completely warranted and fine. Drugs aren't exactly the best thing for you, and from what I have experienced with my friends -- shrooms are actually one of my most hated drugs. They really, pardon my language f#ck people up! What I think would be best for the situation -- maybe try having a conversation with him. And not the kind of one sided "drugs are bad, you are bad for doing them" cause that only creates barriers. Maybe try to understand his side of the story, ie why he did it etc? I don't know exactly what to say but you will definitely get over it. Just DON'T do anything stupid. I speak from experience -- I had a similiar revelation with my ex girlfriend whom I was madly in love with. I found out she had done acid a few times and I mourned the person I thought she was. I was curious about what caused her to do it, whether she would again, why, etc, etc. And instead of being smart and talking to her about it... guess what I did. I did acid. Like a complete dumbass I thought it would put me on "her level" and then I would understand. Now I am not saying this is a choice you would make but what I am trying to stress is don't make any rash decisions. Like you said it is the past and hopefully it will stay there.
As someone who has consumed shrooms previously, I feel like I can weigh in on this a little bit. First off, recreational drug use isn't something to glamorize or be nonchalant about, obviously, but at the same time I feel like maybe you are over thinking this a little bit. Shrooms are actually not that bad when compared to other drugs. Yes, they will absolutely send you on a trip and as Toremi said they will 'fuck you up' for a while, but they don't harm you directly. The main component in shrooms is psilocybin, and studies are actually starting to look at it for therapeutic uses, so it isn't any different from marijuana in that respect. I've linked to one of them; Johns Hopkins Study Probes "Sacred Mushroom" Chemical If you have a problem with his drug use or whatever, then that's totally fine and understandable. Let him know your position and then drop it, because if you turn it into an issue it will only drive a wedge between the two of you. I'm not saying you should sell-out your values, but don't rake him over the coals for something he did in the past. If he respects you he'll keep his past in the past, and you won't have anything to worry about.
Kidd nailed this on the head. Also, it's one thing to find out that your boyfriend did shrooms twice in his life and not like that information very much, but it's an entirely different thing than him doing something right now that you're not keen on. Give the guy a break, he's not actively doing anything wrong. We've all done things that not everybody is going to approve of. Most importantly though, the fact that you now know that he did shrooms doesn't make him any different of a person than he was before you knew about it. So basically, nothing is wrong right now and nothing has really changed except that you know. If drug use becomes a problem happening in the "right now" then maybe it's something to talk about with him, but since it seems for the time being to be all in the past--no big, right?
Thanks to all three of you! Each one of you had awesome points. I'm sure I'll be over this tiny little issue in no time flat with the help of all of your great points. Thanks again!
I think you are being a little judgmental here tbh.. Hes not doing synthetic, physically addictive drugs like meth and coke or whatever.. its just shrooms.. Natives use shrooms and a drug called Peyote/San Pedero (derived from cactus) in Mexico/Sth America for spiritual riturals. These things are natural psychedellic drugs derived from the earth... and while they are strong intoxicants which will f you up for a time period (usually like 8 hours) the long term effect of doing them 2 times is very minimum. You still have a right to be concerned slightly.. and you can raise this with him, but its not worth pushing the point and denting the relationship. I think he deserves credit for being honest with you about it!
Which is completely, totally different from buying them from somebody on the street and taking them randomly, as most people who use shrooms or other psychedelics do. Personally, as someone with some familarity with native/aboriginal cultures, I find it a little offensive when people compare the use of something carefully used, with tremendous preparation, prayer, ceremony, and intent, with casually taking something for recreational use for fun. Additionally, I know a couple of people who, while they weren't the most grounded people in the first place, had psychotic breaks as a direct result of doing mushrooms and ended up hospitalized for a couple of weeks as a direct result. I just think it's important to make that distinction, lest people (wrongly) perceive mushrooms as simple and harmless. Yes, they're a much less serious issue than, say, a history with meth or heroin or cocaine, but as several of the posters have suggested, it's something to think carefully about not take lightly. And that I completely agree with. Sharing something that might be embarrassing or concerning or shaming takes a lot of guts, so making a huge deal isn't the right choice. But gently sharing your concern, and how you would feel about any future use is certainly within reason.
You can be lucky it was shrooms. As shrooms are the least addictive (psychologically and physically) of all common drugs, even less than cigarettes and alcohol. The main reason why it is illegal is because of the risky behavior that individuals show after using shrooms. Just talk to him and ask him not to do it again and tell him that you are worried about him. I think everything will be fine!
Well I'm sorry if your offended.. but I, too have some background knowledge on spiritual use of psychedellics and have experienced the effects of Mushrooms first hand. Its my opinion that this is something to take lightly and that can be resolved in the relationship, especially considering the OP's age.. people experiment (particulary around this age) and the fact he's only done it 2 times is pretty minimal. In the US/Nth America, I don't know what Class mushrooms are as drugs, however - in places like Holland and Amsterdam, these are considered 'soft' drugs and sold legally. Peoples use of drugs is their business alone. If anything, this information is a sign the OP's partner is being honest and felt it was something to share. I am not condoning the use of drugs whatsoever, and my aim and message is to increase the OPs understanding. My 'looking at this information in a positive light' stance coincides with this being a forum on sexuality. For example, up until 1998 it was illegal to be gay where I live. The message I was getting accross is that people are people. Experimentation is a natural way to grow up, and it is what has allowed a lot of us to discover ourselves as GLBT. Given the OP's stance, It would be my advice to tell him that if his drug use became an issue I would not be comfortable with it and would not stand for it. That would be me being honest and setting my boundaries. Its hardly something to reject someone over - the past is the past - being GLBT should allow us a bit of movement when it comes to making judgements...
Once again I appreciate all of the feedback, but I wanted to make one thing clear that I apparently did not highlight enough originally. I would in no way judge my boyfriend's character simply because he's done shrooms twice. When I learned of it I was simply surprised and, because of the degree to which I love him, I naturally care for his health and well being. So anyone who is suggesting that I'm giving him a hard time is not understanding the full picture. I was simply asking for advice on how to more quickly accept this part of his past and continue with the best relationship I have been apart of thus far. I said in my original post that this information would in no way affect my love for him. I haven't treated him any differently nor will I. Just wanted to make that clear. And once again thank to all for any advice given. All of your constructive points really did help soothe any uneasiness I originally felt about the situation.
