So, this might turn into more of a rant then a question, but I wanted to see if I had a right to be upset. Or if I'm just over-reacting. So, at my work there are only two people at this moment that I felt comfortable telling about me coming out. So I get to work yesterday to find out that EVERYONE knows (keep in mind I work for a very large factory). To make a long story short, someone ease-dropped on my co-workers conversation about me and told the lady I work with. Who went and told litterally everyone in the shop. So, I felt incredibly embarrassed. Its not that I'm embarrassed to be gay. Its I wasn't really ready for everyone at work to know. Plus my bosses and owners are all extremely religious. So now I am at a high risk of losing my job. Everyone said that that is discrimination, which is true. But the truth is all they need to do is come up with some bullshit excuse on why they "need" to fire me and I'm gone. No one (at least that I can tell) had a problem with it. I mean I'm sure that a lot of people where I work do, but none of the ones that I talk to. But I am still extremely upset that someone who heard it from who heard it from someone who just said something about me maybe being gay. If everyone was going to find out, I would have rather it have been from me. So now I'm just freaking out about possibly losing my job, everyone at work knowing, and everything else. So then when I stopped at my parents me and my mom got into a HUGE fight. She says that I shouldn't be telling anyone. That its not something that people need to know about. That even if I get a boyfriend that I shouldn't even hold hands with him or anything. That me being gay is private and no ones business. That I shouldn't say anything to anyone and she thinks that I'm being too open about this. All of that was said without her knowing anything about work knowing. I told her that I didn't care who knows if I'm gay. I'm not embarrassed that I like men. And if I have a boyfriend I am going to hold his hand. I said I don't see the difference whether I'm with a guy or girl, I am going to want to hold their hand. Plus, a whole lot more. Essentially I just told her that she says she supports me but shes actually just embarrassed of me. So I guess the point of all this is just whether I have a right to be upset about this. I mean this is the first time I cried in a long time. I had to smoke for the first time in months. I do have problems with anxiety and depression, so I don't know if its me over-reacting or if I have a right to be upset. Please Help.
You have every right to be pissed. I was outed at work to an ex boss that I specifically told this lady that I didn't want him to know. She told him anyway. They cannot fire you for being gay, but you are right they can come up with some lame excuse to get rig of you. How is your relationship with your boss. Maybe you need to go talk to him and get it all out on the table. I dono, maybe you don't feel comfortable with that. WTH you should not have to hide who you are And your mom....you hit the nail on the head from what you wrote. She says she is accepting and then tells you not to hold hands with your potiential bf. I'm sure she loves you she just doesn't want you to suffer by discrimination, I'm guessing. Good luck dude! Hope it goes well.
Of course you have a right to be upset. It's something you're just coming to terms with and all of your control was taken away. I'd feel exactly the way you feel; even though you know intellectually it's nothing to be ashamed of, it really hurts to know that some people are judging you just because of who you are, and you know that people are whispering and pointing and such. And your mom is dead wrong. You're correct, she doesn't seem to want you to tell anyone, which means she has some shame about it. But I think that her feelings will come around in time. Is it possible that you and she could go together to a PFLAG meeting? I think it would be really good for her to talk to other people who have been in her situation, and it might also be really helpful for you. The situation will pass, and hopefully if you do your job right, the bosses and owners will simply let it be and not worry about it. Also, for the record, sexual orientation isn't a protected class federally or, I think, in Ohio, so you could, in fact, be legally fired just for being gay... but most people don't want to appear that bigoted so they generally find other reasons as you've stated. And hopefully if you just keep doing your job and nothing changes... they'll figure out there's no reason to fire you.
Like everyone else said: you have every right to be angry. You should be the one who decides when it's time for you to come out, not anyone else. The fact that your friends were talking about it at work was stupid and risky, especially if they knew that you didn't want anyone else to know right now.
Yes. But you need to understand, now, that you cant change what has happened. Everyone at your work knows. Theres no point in worrying about it. You cant do anything about it. What you do need to focus on, is your mother. She is clearly having a hard time with this. And I am extremely glad that you have stood up to her so far - Good job. You need to have more discussions with your mother about this and you need to encourage her to speak her mind (if she even knows her mind yet).
if you do not care who knows, then you should not be overly pissed off that people at work know. yes, it was wrong for someone to open their big mouth about it and then tell someone else. but then again, what i have found out is that telling one person is like telling everyone. people lie and say they will keep it a secret. they usually dont. as far as the discrimination...this is a rumor. you do not have to address it if you do not want to. if someone asks you about it, just say, you're there to work and not get involved in rumors. for future advice you mom has a point about something regarding work. as you now see, ones personal life can cause problems at work. whether your'e straight or gay, i always suggest keeping your personal business out of work. they do not need to know anything about you except when you clock in and clock out. everything else if up to you to discuss. they are your coworkers but not necessarily your friends. keep the worlds separate. you mentioned you have anxiety but you are also brave enough to want to walk holding hands with anotehr man in areas that may or may not be gay friendly. that's brave. if you can work this out in your head to do this major thing, im sure you can also overcome this rumor siutation. as far as your mom, i can't say if she is or isn't embarrassed but you can tell whoever you want but she is right it is none of anybody's elses business and you do not owe them an explanation for your personal life. if you want to be out to teh world, thats great, but just cuz you are gay doesn't mean that everyone you meet needs to know this. straight people do not come up to you and say hi my name is Jon and five seconds later they say "i'm straight". yes, they have the freedom to discuss heterosexual relationships and not be looked at funny and so in a way they are telling you they are straight but my point is things that are personal that people would rather keep to theirselves until they trust you, aren't always mentioend upfront or mentioned at all unless it is relevant to the conversation or they feel comfortable. should you be mad, sure you have a right to be mad that someone opened their mouth, but now you realize that being gay is still a big source of gossip and interesting water cooler dirt, and you see how immature the people are and just realize that going forward in other jobs, they will be as immature as these peopel too. sure you will have some mature people but there are more immature ones when it comes to this so i wouldn't mentioned it. ---------- Post added 18th Jan 2012 at 01:33 PM ---------- and mom may just want you to be safe and not get hurt or beat up or a victim of gay hate crime if you're holding hands with a guy and some idiot wants to start something. that is a normal thing to be worried about as a parent of a gay/lesbian child.
Hmm, someone was eavesdropping and then spread what they heard all over the workplace--yes, I think you have very good reason to be upset. And of course, you mother's reaction is an understandable reason to be upset, too. Regarding your mom, keep in mind that you only told her yesterday, and she's still right in the middle of dealing with it. She, too, just really isn't ready for people to know--she's is even less ready than you, because you have had more time to get ready. From what you've said, you live in a pretty small town, so if the whole factory knows, it's really generally known. She's going to have to deal with it in her own social circles, and she hasn't even had time to process the information. Imagine how you might have felt, if the day after you first realized you were probably gay, you had to deal with it being known publicly. Your control over the situation has been taken away, but your mother just never had any. You can go and tell whoever you want, and she doesn't really have any way to make you stop or even slow down. So she feels powerless and out of control, and she tries to convince you not to tell anyone. Make sure she understands that you didn't intend for everyone to know quite so soon, and that you are upset about that, too. You were just telling a couple of people that you trusted. Regarding holding hands, put it to her this way: how would she feel, if she tried to hold your fathers hand in public, and he pulled away, as if he were ashamed that they were together? Wouldn't that hurt her feelings? Does she really think you should do that to someone you care about? You can be understanding with her, that this is all happening very fast, but ultimately, you don't want to have to hide who you are, or who you are in love with. When gay people are in love, we want to shout it from the rooftops just as much as straight people. We want the whole world to share in our happiness. Sex is a private matter. But love is not. Love, in our culture, is openly declared and publicly honored. Gay people fall in love just like straight people do, and our relationships deserve just as much respect.
