It all started a month ago, when I went to a Britney Spears concert with my parents, my mom saw gay people, she asked me if I was (in a disgusted tone) and I denied it. Then some weeks later my dad asked me if I was having problems, like if I was doing drugs, or if I had turned gay, because my mom was worried. I denied it again and my dad told my mom "see I told you there was nothing to worry about" Then the other day it came up again. My sister is seeing this guy, but he always talks about me, I guess he wants me to like him so that I will give my approval or something lol. But he always talks about me. So my dad said jokingly "I hope he is really after her and not you" I just laughed a little, but then my mom looked at me worried and asked if I was gay? I just said no but kind of laughing (I was very nervouse), and she started freaking out, and my dad asked again if I was, and I said I wasnt!! The next day we were having breakfast, and my dad asked......AGAIN!!! he told me to look into his eyes and tell him I wasnt. And I did, but they´ve asked so many times already, they dont seem to "believe me". Do you think they know and are just pushing me to tell them?
um, they have asked you 50 million times and they are hinting about it. they know and the way you described, it sounds like they know and dont like it. but they are also not saying "good i hope not becuase i dont want you to be a (insert deragtory slur word). so maybe you can come out to them if you want to. they already seem to know but do not want you to be. since you have to live with them really think hard on how they will take the news before coming out.
Well to me it sounds like they could know but as many times as you have denied it they should have stopped asking by now. The thing is that you are gay and that you know this. I have learned from myself that when you start accepting yourself and coming out to people that its harder to hide it from others most importantly the ones that know you very well. You can keep dening it to your family. But know that they could keep asking you and when you do finally come out to them that they may not belive you because of all the times you have denied it. So just keep that in mind. I hope things work out for you like you want.
to me it sounds like they know he is lying and they are hoping against hope that he is not gay. plus he is probably giving them little clues and such like "nervously laughing" when parents asked him as a way to let them know without letting them know. mom sounds very worried about this and dad sounds like he isn't that concerned and was clueless before mom started talking to him about it. something is going on that tipped mom off and now that she knows she wont let it go until he comes clean or stops whatever behavior that makes her think her son may be gay. possibly there has not been a girlfriend around in years and the mom is getting worried? i do not know. all i know is that if he wants to come out, it sounds as though they are not saying "son, are you gay, if you are that's ok, but we just want to know." it sounds like somethign more negative becuase she says they keep saying: "you're not gay are you? " that indicates their preference for him not to be gay.
Sounds to me like they know - why would they repeat ask.. why is it a constant topic for discussion. Next time they ask, throw it back 'If I were, would it matter?' - at least you'll guise their opinion on the subject then and open up for discussion and coming out. They are only asking in an interogative way because they are concerned imo.. I dunno if interogative is a word btw, but u get my idea
I can picture it all fairly well, it's humorous in a way. I don't think they seem like they would handle it too badly. I do think that they at least have some suspicions. I agree with ukeye. You don't have to give any hint that you are, but the fact that they repeatedly ask leaves plenty of openings to test the water. You can still say no but be irritated about them asking, ask them why it would matter so much. You can go any way here, you could phrase it to leave the possibility the you are open, or you could not. If you wanted to remain in the closet for a good while, thats why you would act so irritated. I recommend not trying to completely close that door.
I know exactly how you feel. My mom's asked me that question many times--since long before I even gave this subject much thought myself--and I've always denied it outright or indirectly. She probably doesn't quite believe me, though. I suspect your parents are in a similar state of mind; after all, like everyone's said, they wouldn't have asked you point blank so many times if they hadn't had their suspicions, even after all the times you've said no. Parents have a knack for knowing these things.
From what you've written, it sounds like they know or are suspicious at the very least and can't figure out a way of asking without seeming offensive and/or insensitive. Having said that, since you're not technically a minor anymore, it's not really their business to be poking around your personal stuff. Next time something like that happens, say firmly but calmly, "Dad, I don't think it's the right time to be discussing my private life because I'm finding it uncomfortable." You have to come out in your own time and on your own terms - that is, as and when you're ready. Write a letter or tell in person: whatever works for you. Hope this helps. Best, Dr. F.
I would just tell them. My parents are hinting about it with me, and I plan to tell them the next time the ask, which, knowing them, will be tomorrow.
They know. I don't think there's even the slightest doubt. If you've read my other posts about the 5 stages of loss... (in this case the loss of their perception of you as "straight"), there's some of that going on now. The stages are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. Now... my sense is they are sort of between denial and anger. By showing their disgust and disapproval, they are unconsciously trying to push away the inevitable... basically, at some level they know it's true but they unconsciously hope that by rejecting it vehemently, they'll make it go away. I'd say tell them. They've asked you a half dozen times, they know what's up, you really have nothing to lose... unless they're total religious quacks who would send you off to a "reparative therapy" camp. If you don't think that's likely, then I'd say tell them. Be prepared for them to be angry/upset/disappointed... but they're already showing those signs anyway, so you don't have much to lose. In any case, whether you decide to tell them or not, please keep us informed about what's going on
how aabout this..... "is there a reason why you keep asking me this?" "what makes you think i am gay?" "you have brought this up recently alot, do you think im gay, if so why?" " if i were gay, would you disown me"
Honestly, I think all parents know..or suspect at least. It's kinda like when I used to sneak and smoke cigarettes in high school. I always thought I was being so sly in hiding it from them....but hell they always knew what I was up to. I have long thought that my mom and dad somewhat suspect I might be gay...although I doubt they would ever say anything (of course it does help that I live a few hours away from them) You need to come to terms with the fact they know...they would not have asked you if they didn't. But you also need to understand that there is nothing wrong with denying to them at this point...no need to beat yourself up over that. We all have to deal and "come out" so to speak on our own terms and when we feel comfortable and when we feel the timing is right. Besides, you are a guy that went to a Britney Spears concert...that's a pretty big red flag for anyone...if they didn't know before that they sure as hell know now #obvious
Many years ago when I was your age, I thought if my folks had the nerve to ask if I was I would tell them yes, they did and I did. Well it took them awhile to come around but they did they love me and are my parents, if they didn't they were just egg and sperm donors and I'd move on with my life without them, sad fact of life. I bet yours will be fine! And you may even joke about it later...like the post before said, your Mom will be like "You took me to see Britnay Spears dude??? WTH did you think I would think??" :roflmao:
It seems that your parents are putting so much pressure on you that they won't stop confronting you until you finally tell them. Maybe it would be easier for you if you told them once and for all. I know it's hard. I haven't myself told my parents that I'm gay, but your parents are really making it almost unbearable to you. Like your parents, mine already know, even though I haven't told them yet. They always know, after some time... I just wish my parents could confront me like yours do. Next time they asked, I'd tell them right away. I wouldn't stand living like that. The problem is that my parents always avoid talking about that, because they don't want to hear the truth. They prefer to believe that it's only a phase, that maybe it'll all change one day. They never ask, and I don't have the guts to tell them. Think positively: at least your parents asked if you were gay, they were expecting all sorts of answers, and they want to know what's happening to you. I just wish my parents could talk about that with me, but they never give me the chance. They can't even say the word "gay"... I prefer to pretend that the way I am is like everybody else expects me to be, and I try not to think about it. After all, there's nothing wrong with us, and we can't hate ourselves for the way we are. We have to accept us just like we are and love our life and enjoy it while we can, the best way we can. It's our life, it's none of other people's business. You have to keep strong and think of your own happiness as well! If you don't fight for your own happiness, who will? Who, besides you, knows what makes you happy? I am here if you need anyone to talk. (*hug*)
