Experiment with a friend

experimenting with friends can be especially touchy no pun intended lol. i'm of the school of thought of not pushing anything, let things will progress naturally. here at EC, simply through being open, i've come to realize that who i am is far more than simply my sexuality, so just let yourself move at the pace that you are comfortable. don't let labels define you. let people who love you encourage your strengths, care about people, live and grow, and more and more you will 'become' you, and that will inform what you do

 

stolen from yahoo, but still good advice:

The only thing you can do is get to know as many people as you can, and look out for someone who starts to pay a lot of attention to you.
Lots of eye contact, joking with you, and being comfortable with you are good signs to watch out for. If there is someone like this, and they don't pull back when you touch them, for example on the arm, then try to arrange time alone with him, and take it from there.
There will be guys that you know that feel exactly the same as you, it's just a matter of finding one, and getting to know him

Good luck, and take care, but have fun

 

Of course, if you let people know you are questioning your sexuality, they may come to you. But I don't know if that's something you are prepared for, or if you are in a situation where it would be safe.

 

Yeah, I figured that was probably the case. But it does make things a lot harder, in terms of finding people to "experiment" with or date. I mean, if one of your guy friends let you know that he was questioning his sexuality, that would be the guy you'd go to, right? It's the same for anyone you know who's in the same situation that you are. He'd pretty likely feel the same way you do, and be much happier approaching someone he knows might be interested.

Since I'm a grown-up woman and you are a teenager, I feel like I have a responsibility to say one more thing: please be safe. At your age, don't go looking for anonymous guys on the Internet, there are some scary people out there. Keep looking for someone you know in real life.

And, if you do find someone to experiment with, remember that condoms are your friends.

 

Yeah, I figured that was probably the case. But it does make things a lot harder, in terms of finding people to "experiment" with or date. I mean, if one of your guy friends let you know that he was questioning his sexuality, that would be the guy you'd go to, right? It's the same for anyone you know who's in the same situation that you are. He'd pretty likely feel the same way you do, and be much happier approaching someone he knows might be interested.

Since I'm a grown-up woman and you are a teenager, I feel like I have a responsibility to say one more thing: please be safe. At your age, don't go looking for anonymous guys on the Internet, there are some scary people out there. Keep looking for someone you know in real life.

And, if you do find someone to experiment with, remember that condoms are your friends.

 

Hey, the only advice I'd give you is to be very careful who you experiment with A) In terms of safety and B) in terms of your friendships. Before I was 'out', I experimented with my best mate, it turned into something more serious for me and not for her, needless to say we no longer speak. It would be a shame for that to happen to you because when the time comes, you will need your friends to support you. However, this being said, I agree with Ianthe that you shouldn't just go looking for random guys! Just make sure you protect your heart and your body!

 

yeah, I ditto the safety bit, looking online is BAD business, I have personally had the misfortune of being misled by people online several times over when it comes to dating, for some reason its just so easy for people to lie... like I wouldn't find out? lol
however, if you do decide to go that route, never meet anyone privately the first time, meet somewhere public, very, very public.

 

it's strange, for me, i do want to be friends with the person i ultimately end up with but i don't think playing around with friends is a good idea, it can ruin a good friendship...sounds like a paradox, doesn't it? it's really not.. i just don't believe in the whole concept of "friends with benefits"

but, if you approach it all with that kind of maturity, you may just find exactly what you're looking for. just get to know people on a genuine level and it will come

 

You're running into the main problem. You want to experiment with somebody you know and trust...but you haven't been able to trust them with the information that you're gay/bi and interested in experimenting. Some people are deft enough to move from a night playing video games to a night getting the sheets sweaty, but it's a path fraught with hazards - you're putting the friendship at jeopardy, you risk having him out you to everybody you know, etc etc. Given that, I'd say the best move is to find one friend you think you really trust. And yes, one you'd like to get physical with, but I'd say the first qualification is the most important. Then, one time when you're alone with him, tell him you have something to tell him in confidence. Tell him you're wondering if you might be gay or bi. And that's all. See how he responds to that first.

If he gets annoyed or silent or stubborn, then back off. Tell him that you just felt you were good enough friends that you could share that bit of info with him, and ask him to keep it in confidence.

If he seems supportive, but rather reservedly so, I wouldn't make a move on him (yet). Thank him for being supportive, remind him that you're not ready to tell anybody else, and ask him if you can talk to him about it on occasion if you feel you have to talk about it.

If he says "Oh my God, me too!"...well, you can take it from there.

Lex

 

Hey, be careful with your body and your heart. If you do start experimenting with one of your friends, make sure to have a clear definition of what it means to both of you. Often when friends experiment (at least in my case and in the case of some others), someone gets hurt. One person develops strong feelings that cannot be returned. I usually say to stay away from friends with benefits situations.

You may be in a different place and it might work for you. Just be careful and look out for yourself. Some guys do joke around about being gay. He might be closeted or he might really be joking. You could talk to him about your sexuality if you want to find out, that way he is more comfortable with discussing his.

I hope things go well for you.

 

Yes, he sounds like he might be a good person to come out to. I mean, if you are going to live together in a tiny dorm room, it's probably best to be out to him anyway. Sooner than later--you don't want him finding out and having it be weird once you are already sharing the tiny room.

Anyway, if you are going to be living that closely with someone you have any feelings for, you want to establish early on whether or not he could ever be interested. Otherwise, this could easily turn into a "HELP!! I'm in love with my straight roommate!" story. I mean, living that closely with someone, it's very easy to develop stronger and stronger feelings, and the only way to really prevent it is to know for sure that he isn't interested.

It is very common for gay people to develop feelings for their roommates, especially in the very small college dorm rooms, and you clearly are already interested in him. Just a heads up...

 

That's a little better. But I still think it's a good idea to come out to him.

 

I would try to find someone else, because you don't want to lose a friend. With me it was different, my friend approached me about 'experimentation, but we weren't serious friends, just someone I talk to in class, and in my case no romantic feelings developed, this happened two years ago, and we still fool around every now and then, but he can be a real asshole about it sometimes, which makes me really happy that it wasn't a GOOD friend of mine I did that kind of stuff with.